Was it a mistake then, I decided not to trust anymore...?
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
...The Junction Of Night and Dawn...
:: a scene from my apartment's balcony. been meaning to put it up, now its the right time ::There are so much things going on in my head occasionally that I cannot pick on one to concentrate upon... Uneasiness that I thought I have let go..., resurfaced countless time. Issues that are a threat to the tranquility of my soul still keep reverberating along with the remnant of thoughts that jerk harder against my layers of head the more I try to let go...
I! want! to! get! the! ultimate! solution!
I want to reach the main chamber of answer. However, seeing myself fleeing through obstacles of multiple security systems set to reflect my direction towards it and to wall off the THING! I personally find it worse than running in circles in the labyrinth? At the very least then, I wud be moving without fear of what is awaiting me. Because, each steps I take now and then to finally move forward, something or someone will surely *POP* out of nowhere and reprimand me... Why is that?
*sigh*
W...h...y... my dear? WHY? You DO know how I feel for you. Why are you doing this to me? WHY?! (looks like I'm fond of the 2nd last of the 25 alphabets for the day! woots!) After what we have gone through, do you still want to make me suffer. Commonlar.... I dont wanna go through this ALL OVER AGAIN. It is indeed exhausting and exasperating.
"now common, be a GEWWWDDDD boy, *slap buttocks* go somehwere else and play..."
I've been complaining and complaining and complaining about the same old thing. Without fail, I failed again. More contaminated air is pumped into the already full tank. Nah, its not gonna erupt. It will only grow bigger-sideways.
*double sigh*
I'm sensing a feeble weak transduction rising from me. It is disorienting me more than anything right now. The question is, WHO DA HECK triggered the switch?! Damn you, you bloody idiot!
Also, I wish I could blog like normal blogger who bitch about their next door neighbours, makes the jester out of everything, talk about the most eventful event of an event and let every reader who reads my entry laugh their ass off everytime they come to the final fulstop.
Sowie-
But no, I fail in doing that too. Yeah, yeah, I sound like I am being too hard on myself.
Good gracious. Tell me what is wrong with me?!
Sue's Angel: Dearie... it is normal. Hormonal imbalance. It happens over the adolescence year.
Susu: Oh yeah? I dont exactly fall in that group of people anymore, do I? Yo?
Sue's DeviL: Life sucks. So WELCOME to HELL! *cackles away*
Susu: Hrrmmm... Its an idea. Brilliant but not D-A-T bright.
Dots.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Currently listening to RBD-Tu Armor
"With great power comes a greater responsibility"
sounds familiar? Of course! Its depicted from the mutated dude who wears red-blue cobwebbed suit who flung himself around in the city.
Bah! Thats not the point.
As usual, I enjoy deviating from the main course.
Wonder when will I get lost and start following the map using an appropriate compass.
*here i go again*
"With great attention, comes a greater hollowness to be filled"
I'm beginning to suspect of my own doing. Talk about the devil in me eh...
It is time like this that you can't help where are those who you really call friends fair-weathered foes...
About seeing things in a more optimistic perspective, it just doesn't apply in every situational dilemma.
People do not care. People act like they don't. I act like that too. But deep down, residing in one corner of my pouch of emotion... its struggling hard to stay calm... With every beat, it grows a lil' more feeding on the loneliness, doubts that haunt the owner.
How come only I feel this way? Why do I have to expect so much from friends? I hate myself for feeling this way yet I cannot find any solution to this predicament. I tried telling myself, they do not appreciate me as much as I appreciate them. I am nowhere significant in their life just as much as how much I prioritize them. Shows how much I am fond of them and in return, instead of getting the same treatment, I get the I-dont-care-what-shithole-you-drop-into attitude.
This isn't justice I am ranting about. Friendship comes with extra complimentary good that the receiver does not need to ask for or work for. Too bad, its human weakness to hope for the same thing she feels for. It is only normal. Only consolation I can resort to... What else can I do? Throw tantrum at them? Show them the right way they should treat a friend of a different gender?
It is alwayz me who finally have to give in. I give my best shot by making it easy for them. I act, I behave, I talk, I laugh like a male to a certain level. But reality doesnt alter the nature's course that I think, feel and has a heart of a fragile lady... It beats me badly whenever I think about this matter. It makes me feel so weak and useless.
*sigh..* Has been happening for a bit. Maybe I should just immunized myself with it.
Makes life so much less complicated.
sounds familiar? Of course! Its depicted from the mutated dude who wears red-blue cobwebbed suit who flung himself around in the city.
Bah! Thats not the point.
As usual, I enjoy deviating from the main course.
Wonder when will I get lost and start following the map using an appropriate compass.
*here i go again*
"With great attention, comes a greater hollowness to be filled"
I'm beginning to suspect of my own doing. Talk about the devil in me eh...
It is time like this that you can't help where are those who you really call
About seeing things in a more optimistic perspective, it just doesn't apply in every situational dilemma.
People do not care. People act like they don't. I act like that too. But deep down, residing in one corner of my pouch of emotion... its struggling hard to stay calm... With every beat, it grows a lil' more feeding on the loneliness, doubts that haunt the owner.
How come only I feel this way? Why do I have to expect so much from friends? I hate myself for feeling this way yet I cannot find any solution to this predicament. I tried telling myself, they do not appreciate me as much as I appreciate them. I am nowhere significant in their life just as much as how much I prioritize them. Shows how much I am fond of them and in return, instead of getting the same treatment, I get the I-dont-care-what-shithole-you-drop-into attitude.
This isn't justice I am ranting about. Friendship comes with extra complimentary good that the receiver does not need to ask for or work for. Too bad, its human weakness to hope for the same thing she feels for. It is only normal. Only consolation I can resort to... What else can I do? Throw tantrum at them? Show them the right way they should treat a friend of a different gender?
It is alwayz me who finally have to give in. I give my best shot by making it easy for them. I act, I behave, I talk, I laugh like a male to a certain level. But reality doesnt alter the nature's course that I think, feel and has a heart of a fragile lady... It beats me badly whenever I think about this matter. It makes me feel so weak and useless.
*sigh..* Has been happening for a bit. Maybe I should just immunized myself with it.
Makes life so much less complicated.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Stinks!
India Indians are stinky pieces of shits discarded everywhere! If you guys were allowed to stay around longer on the street, the solid mass of shits will melt and look like the sticky, slimy discharge from my anus!!!!!!!! *splat*
If you do not know how to handle the car behind the wheel, fucking sit on the passenger seat!
If u are so shallow enough to NOT put your common sense into practice on the road, go ram into a lamp post and have all your senses erased!
If you don't wanna be an Indian, GO DRINK BLEACH AND DIE and at the same time BLEACHED YOURSELF!!!!!!!
DAMN U!
Didn't you see the amount of cars, motorcycles, scooters coming your way!??? Are you blind or what?!
When u cant even cross over, then why the fuck do u STILL cross the damn road and get fucking stuck right in the middle of the road!????????? By being an ignorant piece of walking shit with two lidi-like charcoal black lower limbs, you think you own the road?! Or rather you reckon the road is of your great great great grandfather's?!
KNNCCB!
Seriously! I am so so so so so so so so so so sooooooooooooooo AGITATEDD!!!!!!!!
ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Now, my poor bubble is broken! My heart is broken too!!
If you do not know how to handle the car behind the wheel, fucking sit on the passenger seat!
If u are so shallow enough to NOT put your common sense into practice on the road, go ram into a lamp post and have all your senses erased!
If you don't wanna be an Indian, GO DRINK BLEACH AND DIE and at the same time BLEACHED YOURSELF!!!!!!!
DAMN U!
Didn't you see the amount of cars, motorcycles, scooters coming your way!??? Are you blind or what?!
When u cant even cross over, then why the fuck do u STILL cross the damn road and get fucking stuck right in the middle of the road!????????? By being an ignorant piece of walking shit with two lidi-like charcoal black lower limbs, you think you own the road?! Or rather you reckon the road is of your great great great grandfather's?!
Seriously! I am so so so so so so so so so so sooooooooooooooo AGITATEDD!!!!!!!!
ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Now, my poor bubble is broken! My heart is broken too!!
Sunday, February 18, 2007
What can be more silent when you cant hear your friends who are excitedly giggling away... With fireworks spraying colours of joy against the vast starry sky and the boom reaching your ears a few seconds later in a few intervals at a distance away...
Chinese New Year has never been so quiet... It is like I'm standing within a few centimeters of sound-proof space that prevent me to blend in with the atmosphere... There is a cloud of sombre-ness hovering above me... But when I look up, I see nothing.
It has been a few years CNY isn't the same anymore... I do not know what is the actual meaning of celebrating CNY. It is all broken... With her departure, the definition of broken became more vivid. I keep holding on to memories. I fail to let go. I would love to see things like how it used to be. It is impossible. Yes, I know...
Two days before CNY, the market in our area which I cud observed from KD-3-10 never failed to excite me. I like the bust of preparation of chinese new year. Every year, aunt will take out her annual vase and decorate it with lovely pretty flowers...
Eve..,all 11 of us sitting around in round table. Me having my first lesson of beer. Ended up jolly-shandied. Perching excitedly on the table not any shorter than me back then, right beside either aunts so that they can peel the prawn skin for me. Nibbling food from brothers's plate. Haha~
I guess, I will never enjoy CNY anymore... Never... It is going to be a tough effort and people to make me feel that way again. I felt like a child... A fragile small child still protected with cocoon. Passed were the time when I knew only very lil of everything.
This occasion is another day for me which allows me to mourn... To remember. To reminisce. I choose to think that nobody can ever understand the feeling of losing it all. Fugly, I tell u, fugly... In a way, I find it consoling a bit to think this way.
Depressing post again? Bah~ Yeah. Too bad.
A journey to locate the enlightenment, a journey to let go of everything...
Chinese New Year has never been so quiet... It is like I'm standing within a few centimeters of sound-proof space that prevent me to blend in with the atmosphere... There is a cloud of sombre-ness hovering above me... But when I look up, I see nothing.
It has been a few years CNY isn't the same anymore... I do not know what is the actual meaning of celebrating CNY. It is all broken... With her departure, the definition of broken became more vivid. I keep holding on to memories. I fail to let go. I would love to see things like how it used to be. It is impossible. Yes, I know...
Two days before CNY, the market in our area which I cud observed from KD-3-10 never failed to excite me. I like the bust of preparation of chinese new year. Every year, aunt will take out her annual vase and decorate it with lovely pretty flowers...
Eve..,all 11 of us sitting around in round table. Me having my first lesson of beer. Ended up jolly-shandied. Perching excitedly on the table not any shorter than me back then, right beside either aunts so that they can peel the prawn skin for me. Nibbling food from brothers's plate. Haha~
I guess, I will never enjoy CNY anymore... Never... It is going to be a tough effort and people to make me feel that way again. I felt like a child... A fragile small child still protected with cocoon. Passed were the time when I knew only very lil of everything.
This occasion is another day for me which allows me to mourn... To remember. To reminisce. I choose to think that nobody can ever understand the feeling of losing it all. Fugly, I tell u, fugly... In a way, I find it consoling a bit to think this way.
Depressing post again? Bah~ Yeah. Too bad.
A journey to locate the enlightenment, a journey to let go of everything...
Thursday, February 15, 2007
another Valentine's post in another blog page
9 out of 10 blog sites I visited contain an entry on Valentine's day. (i musn't miss out oso! Hence Im here!)
Either it is a prototype complaints on being dateless and single. Feeling the empty lonesome and sulking away at one corner of the room. Drafted out multiple reasons of
WHY AM I STILL SINGLE when im fucking hawt and my next door hideous neighbour who has the distinction look of an ogre has a chiq next to him!
and thinking about I-love-u-but-you-don't-love-me context.
OR
Sobbing away in un-named blog site under a pseudonym on the amount of ringgits that have generated wings and emancipated in just one night. *sweat*
OR
Telling the WHOLE WIDE WORLD www.2007vdaywasd'besteventeverhappenedtomeinmyentirelife.com
Man, wat happened to your friends and parents and siblings?! Nuts.
OR
worse i've ever come across with ONLY
I LAB U phrase throughout the entry. I LOVE you till the core of bone, and the bottom of my heart (well, u see, since u are at the bottom of his heart, theres still of space above XD ) and ya-da ya-da ya-da attached with gazillions self portrayed pictures captioned : MY HONEY AND I. *puke*
Well and good for me. I am single. I have all the rights in the universe to sulk too. But somehow this Valentine's failed to affect me in any sense. Maybe Im being surrounded with loads of singles and tempe (referring to the locals) couples which doesn't appeal me much compared to the Taylorians' act, radio announcement ala advertisement to call in for ur love ones, heart shaped, doves, lil aphrodites-carrying-arrows&bow deco in every freaking sopping malls and last but not the least the headlines on local newspapers announcing on lucky couples who was blessed with babies on such divine day THAT I had to put up with for the last 2 years!!!!! (pause, breathe.)
It makes perfect sense that being in a rural area, urban event is not significant at all. Haha. Im glad I share this lovely days with my friends who means more than any cute guys can offer me right now. Arigato kogaimasu.
And, and, and u see ... Not everybody is happy on Valentine's day... People fight, people get dumped (still wondering who is capable of doing so, but it is highly possible). People cry, people attempted suicide, people freak out and people made up. Ive seen so many heartaches written across faces and it hurts me to see them in such way... Ive known many cheatings behind the one person they swore their balls and tits to when they were on a spree to get him/her.
XD
The world is still playing innocence. Evading the elements of maturity and responsibility has become a must-do task nowadays.
Yalor, we are not flawless mah. All this, can wan lah, can do bit bit wan lah. Nah beh~
Either it is a prototype complaints on being dateless and single. Feeling the empty lonesome and sulking away at one corner of the room. Drafted out multiple reasons of
WHY AM I STILL SINGLE
and thinking about I-love-u-but-you-don't-love-me context.
OR
Sobbing away in un-named blog site under a pseudonym on the amount of ringgits that have generated wings and emancipated in just one night. *sweat*
OR
Telling the WHOLE WIDE WORLD www.2007vdaywasd'besteventeverhappenedtomeinmyentirelife.com
Man, wat happened to your friends and parents and siblings?! Nuts.
OR
worse i've ever come across with ONLY
I LAB U phrase throughout the entry. I LOVE you till the core of bone, and the bottom of my heart (well, u see, since u are at the bottom of his heart, theres still of space above XD ) and ya-da ya-da ya-da attached with gazillions self portrayed pictures captioned : MY HONEY AND I. *puke*
Well and good for me. I am single. I have all the rights in the universe to sulk too. But somehow this Valentine's failed to affect me in any sense. Maybe Im being surrounded with loads of singles and tempe (referring to the locals) couples which doesn't appeal me much compared to the Taylorians' act, radio announcement ala advertisement to call in for ur love ones, heart shaped, doves, lil aphrodites-carrying-arrows&bow deco in every freaking sopping malls and last but not the least the headlines on local newspapers announcing on lucky couples who was blessed with babies on such divine day THAT I had to put up with for the last 2 years!!!!! (pause, breathe.)
It makes perfect sense that being in a rural area, urban event is not significant at all. Haha. Im glad I share this lovely days with my friends who means more than any cute guys can offer me right now. Arigato kogaimasu.
And, and, and u see ... Not everybody is happy on Valentine's day... People fight, people get dumped (still wondering who is capable of doing so, but it is highly possible). People cry, people attempted suicide, people freak out and people made up. Ive seen so many heartaches written across faces and it hurts me to see them in such way... Ive known many cheatings behind the one person they swore their balls and tits to when they were on a spree to get him/her.
XD
The world is still playing innocence. Evading the elements of maturity and responsibility has become a must-do task nowadays.
Yalor, we are not flawless mah. All this, can wan lah, can do bit bit wan lah. Nah beh~
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
If only he knows...
My lips are oedemated, both cheeks are burning hot...,
Eyes can only make out blurry vision of a figure from a centimetre away...
She is such a handsome chiq...
I am shivering, teeth chattering against each other, guts shuddering beneath the supposedly-warm windbreaker and my hyperthermic body temperature. Unsure whether it is the cold breeze or the fear that is sitting on me right at this moment...
Ive never felt such way for over a prehistoric time... Excitement beyond expectation, sensation beyond cloud nine, indescribable euphoria... Things that money can't buy, also no mastercard can settle in a swipe. If only I was a single lingham, it would be perfect. Every piece will fall into the right-est place within the frame.
Her hair smells so good. Minty citrus with touch of eucalyptus... Reminds me of her... But shes on the other side of the universe... Smiles, voice, actions... Everything. Every single bloody aspect make me reminisce of her... Err~ The question is, which hers am I referring to now?
No, I shouldnt have made this meeting... This is an absolute sin... Or is it not...?
I am so fond of her. I like her very much. A friend- as i claimed. But, only I know how things work... We can never be together...
It is not in my dream to see her being hurt... And I have made an agonizing decision to sacrifice you... It is not easy. I lied... to her. But... but... this is LOVE we are talking about~ Arrives and leaves in an instant...
Ain't I the victim too...?
I have the power to deviate its course yet I choose this rocky path.
Unraveling those bushes and saplings along the way. He doesn't realized he has walked over a bright sunflower along his way...
In the end, he will hurt both you and her.
Only Love,
Sue..
Eyes can only make out blurry vision of a figure from a centimetre away...
She is such a handsome chiq...
I am shivering, teeth chattering against each other, guts shuddering beneath the supposedly-warm windbreaker and my hyperthermic body temperature. Unsure whether it is the cold breeze or the fear that is sitting on me right at this moment...
Ive never felt such way for over a prehistoric time... Excitement beyond expectation, sensation beyond cloud nine, indescribable euphoria... Things that money can't buy, also no mastercard can settle in a swipe. If only I was a single lingham, it would be perfect. Every piece will fall into the right-est place within the frame.
Her hair smells so good. Minty citrus with touch of eucalyptus... Reminds me of her... But shes on the other side of the universe... Smiles, voice, actions... Everything. Every single bloody aspect make me reminisce of her... Err~ The question is, which hers am I referring to now?
No, I shouldnt have made this meeting... This is an absolute sin... Or is it not...?
I am so fond of her. I like her very much. A friend- as i claimed. But, only I know how things work... We can never be together...
It is not in my dream to see her being hurt... And I have made an agonizing decision to sacrifice you... It is not easy. I lied... to her. But... but... this is LOVE we are talking about~ Arrives and leaves in an instant...
Ain't I the victim too...?
I have the power to deviate its course yet I choose this rocky path.
Unraveling those bushes and saplings along the way. He doesn't realized he has walked over a bright sunflower along his way...
In the end, he will hurt both you and her.
Only Love,
Sue..
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Bloody Diamond
Think "The Last Samurai" is helluva good historical epic?
Try Blood Diamond-based on a true story of a global conflict.
See for yourself how each scenes sweep you off from the peaceful-cum-boring -everyday-life's perception. The ground you stand will somehow be altered once the message of this masterpiece travel across to you... It only sucked you into the chaotic turmoil in a land most of us are not concerned about.
Yes, Edward Zwick (also the director of The Last Samurai, thats why I did the comparison) brings us a masterpiece of the year definitely defeating The Prestige... Along with a masterful act by Leonardo Dicaprio aided with such brilliant cinematography. They are pretty
p/s: take notice of the sunsets.
I never would have thought that Dicaprio can capture my heart for him. Used to loathe him and
his hair in all his Cheesy movies ie Romeo and Juliet, TITANIC and The man behind the Iron Mask.
Apart from having eye candy in such, the movie brought along concept that slaps the audience hard in the thought exposing an issues dwelling with humanity, greed and human's life just for a rock compressed within the surface of the earth for millions of years-
The Blood/Conflict/War/Pink Diamond.
Bah~ A lil' teasing of romance (I personally like the way the hero and less important heroine NOT having to exchange french kiss or having to lock onto each other's arm like any other prototype war movies- like, lets say- Pearl Harbour? )
This movie definitely taught me something even though I can't pinpoint to what exactly. Not like I am heading to become a mercenary nor am I going to point a gun on my dad's forhead. Maybe just maybe I might be an advantage of my future husband. He doesnt need to spend on diamond ring for me.Tee Hee~ XD I wouldn't wanna wear a polished rock tainted with blood of the innocents, ya know...
My RATE is 10.5 outta 10
Anyways, interested in more detailed reviews:
http://www.movies2.nytimes.com/2006/12/08/movies/08diam.html
http://www.simpleton.blogspot.com
:: Djimon Houson, Leo ::
Try Blood Diamond-based on a true story of a global conflict.
See for yourself how each scenes sweep you off from the peaceful-cum-boring -everyday-life's perception. The ground you stand will somehow be altered once the message of this masterpiece travel across to you... It only sucked you into the chaotic turmoil in a land most of us are not concerned about.
Yes, Edward Zwick (also the director of The Last Samurai, thats why I did the comparison) brings us a masterpiece of the year definitely defeating The Prestige... Along with a masterful act by Leonardo Dicaprio aided with such brilliant cinematography. They are pretty
p/s: take notice of the sunsets.
I never would have thought that Dicaprio can capture my heart for him. Used to loathe him and
his hair in all his Cheesy movies ie Romeo and Juliet, TITANIC and The man behind the Iron Mask.
:: tell me its not cheesy~ Keju-nyer~ ::
See! A plus point for ladies out there who hates and who loves him. If u hate him, you will end up LOVING him just like ME and if u love him, well and good- u will crave for him.
:: snapshots from the movie::
Apart from having eye candy in such, the movie brought along concept that slaps the audience hard in the thought exposing an issues dwelling with humanity, greed and human's life just for a rock compressed within the surface of the earth for millions of years-
The Blood/Conflict/War/Pink Diamond.
Bah~ A lil' teasing of romance (I personally like the way the hero and less important heroine NOT having to exchange french kiss or having to lock onto each other's arm like any other prototype war movies- like, lets say- Pearl Harbour? )
:: the ultimate mat romeo ::
Another important message carried across about family ties between a father and his son. *touching sial... sobz*
Cruelty worse then Child's Labour because you get to see kids forced into poising with M-16, Ak and Bazooka and firing them without mercy-man the blood that they shed >.< ~
Cruelty worse then Child's Labour because you get to see kids forced into poising with M-16, Ak and Bazooka and firing them without mercy-man the blood that they shed >.< ~
This movie definitely taught me something even though I can't pinpoint to what exactly. Not like I am heading to become a mercenary nor am I going to point a gun on my dad's forhead. Maybe just maybe I might be an advantage of my future husband. He doesnt need to spend on diamond ring for me.Tee Hee~ XD I wouldn't wanna wear a polished rock tainted with blood of the innocents, ya know...
:: my favourite pic- Jennifer Connelly as Maddy Bowen ::
A show not to be missed. Tremendous recommendation from me. It is by far, one of the best emotional, inspired,enlightened, informative elements buried in a movie to be dug up and fed to hungry audience like me. The last movie that made me felt this way dated back to almost 3 years back-The Final Cut and BigFish.My RATE is 10.5 outta 10
Anyways, interested in more detailed reviews:
http://www.movies2.nytimes.com/2006/12/08/movies/08diam.html
http://www.simpleton.blogspot.com
:: Leo and Jenny ::
::From left to right : Leo D'caprio, Jennifer Connelly, Kagiso Kyper,
Djimon Houson, Edawrd Zwick::
Djimon Houson, Edawrd Zwick::
:: Djimon Houson, Leo ::
Friday, February 09, 2007
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Dotz.
~Emo~
Who would have thought, I would have gotten a last glance of kong kong...?
Its not the same person, but its more than enough... I get to see someone like him...
So alike... So similar... The feature, the shiny pearl white hair, elongated ear lobes and the sunglasses especially... His dressing somehow reminds me of him too... It struck me real abrupt. ZAP. Once I settled down after entering the lab later than most of my fellow mates...
He was mumuring something on suturing... But my mind wandered off into other realm...
The morning glories... The massaging I used to oblige to do when I was little...(i would have given anything to do that now... yeah..., of coz... anyone would say such a thing... ) Shopping in Sunshine Square... My memories cant locate much of him but I love him just as much nevertheless...
My view was blurry throughout the class, I didn't dare make a sound or move. I was only imagining wat would happen if I cannot contain the overpowering emotional attack... Man, was i worried.
Who would have thought the KFC colonel lookalike would end up looking up like kong-kong?
Ha-Ha
Who would have thought, I would have gotten a last glance of kong kong...?
Its not the same person, but its more than enough... I get to see someone like him...
So alike... So similar... The feature, the shiny pearl white hair, elongated ear lobes and the sunglasses especially... His dressing somehow reminds me of him too... It struck me real abrupt. ZAP. Once I settled down after entering the lab later than most of my fellow mates...
He was mumuring something on suturing... But my mind wandered off into other realm...
The morning glories... The massaging I used to oblige to do when I was little...(i would have given anything to do that now... yeah..., of coz... anyone would say such a thing... ) Shopping in Sunshine Square... My memories cant locate much of him but I love him just as much nevertheless...
My view was blurry throughout the class, I didn't dare make a sound or move. I was only imagining wat would happen if I cannot contain the overpowering emotional attack... Man, was i worried.
Who would have thought the KFC colonel lookalike would end up looking up like kong-kong?
Ha-Ha
Monday, February 05, 2007
What have become of me?
ARGHHHHHH!!!!!
The constructions all around me are driving me NUTS!
I am expecting a peaceful and tranquil getaway from the everyday-medical-havoc-life after class! And I come back only to be fed with unimaginable drillings, knockings, hammerings of all sorts of frequencies and desibles!!!!! Thats not all!
Those polution come from every direction possible- In front of my room! Upstairs! Downstairs! Next to my apartment! A few apartments away??!!!! EVERYWHERE!
Worst of all, the fusion of the painstaking NOISEs come with the most awful, unsynchronized, annoying intervals!!!!!! *SHRIEK!*
Then, like its not enough to bug my hearing and concentration PLAYING GB and browsing net, THE movie! yes! THE movie Ive been anticipating for days to watch is corrupted!? Im referring to RE: Apocalypse. Also, the so-called Grammy award movie- The Prestige is quite a let-down. That I have waited a year since I watch the trailer. Thuff~
To top it all, I have been Home Sick. Who would have thought Sulin would be homesick? Cause I never had! I was never the girl who misses home! I came here feeling all happy and excited! BAH!~ I was thinking of mummy yesterday night and it lead me to think of everyone else. In the end, i ended up sending RARE smses to those in malaysia saying I miss them. Bet daddy must have been shocked. >.<
I am afraid to lose anymore people I love in my life... Losing them in anyway at all at any cost...
I cannot bear the feeling... I feel very broken inside... Very feeble... Very weak... To have anyone dear to me walk out of my life in front on my eye or to have anyone say goodbye to me forever... I sure know these are inevitable because realationship never last. Life is not forever too... Ive lost two of my dearest people in my life... And I can only see them in my memories engraved when they were around... 3 others have walked out on me... The more I chase after them, the further they are away from me... It is like im chasing their reflections... I have stopped running. Because I feel silly and dumb. Whats the point I salvage something or someone who doesnt care anymore...? Who doesnt apreciate me anymore...?
Who knows, it might be me who is going to leave everyone behind...?
Maybe it would have been easier... I wouldnt feel so disapointed... I wouldnt feel so betrayed and cheated if that happens...
I am the kind of person who feels way more then I show the world when it comes to emotional issue... Im not referring to anger or euphoria. Friends do take it for granted sometimes... It is time to stand straight and face each predicament. Ive ignored them for long enough. The space alloted for the incoming effects will soon vanished. Eventhough ive made frequent adjustments, compressing and taming the restless soul battered with emotional agony... Its juz not enough...
I have changed. For the better or worse... I will only know in the future... I'm afraid to trust anyone anymore... Im scared to be failed again and again... Ive given all I had in those people in hope for true friendship... Wish I didnt have to feel this way... but reality has proved itself not only one time...
It is dissapoinment that cause the rejection of me to the world. I have myself locked in my bubble of hope... It is the devastation that shade the beauty of frienship... I see the world as uglier and more tainted with pretence, facade, untruthfulness and ingenuine effort...
But I have not forgotten that I am within the world too...
The constructions all around me are driving me NUTS!
I am expecting a peaceful and tranquil getaway from the everyday-medical-havoc-life after class! And I come back only to be fed with unimaginable drillings, knockings, hammerings of all sorts of frequencies and desibles!!!!! Thats not all!
Those polution come from every direction possible- In front of my room! Upstairs! Downstairs! Next to my apartment! A few apartments away??!!!! EVERYWHERE!
Worst of all, the fusion of the painstaking NOISEs come with the most awful, unsynchronized, annoying intervals!!!!!! *SHRIEK!*
Then, like its not enough to bug my hearing and concentration PLAYING GB and browsing net, THE movie! yes! THE movie Ive been anticipating for days to watch is corrupted!? Im referring to RE: Apocalypse. Also, the so-called Grammy award movie- The Prestige is quite a let-down. That I have waited a year since I watch the trailer. Thuff~
To top it all, I have been Home Sick. Who would have thought Sulin would be homesick? Cause I never had! I was never the girl who misses home! I came here feeling all happy and excited! BAH!~ I was thinking of mummy yesterday night and it lead me to think of everyone else. In the end, i ended up sending RARE smses to those in malaysia saying I miss them. Bet daddy must have been shocked. >.<
I am afraid to lose anymore people I love in my life... Losing them in anyway at all at any cost...
I cannot bear the feeling... I feel very broken inside... Very feeble... Very weak... To have anyone dear to me walk out of my life in front on my eye or to have anyone say goodbye to me forever... I sure know these are inevitable because realationship never last. Life is not forever too... Ive lost two of my dearest people in my life... And I can only see them in my memories engraved when they were around... 3 others have walked out on me... The more I chase after them, the further they are away from me... It is like im chasing their reflections... I have stopped running. Because I feel silly and dumb. Whats the point I salvage something or someone who doesnt care anymore...? Who doesnt apreciate me anymore...?
Who knows, it might be me who is going to leave everyone behind...?
Maybe it would have been easier... I wouldnt feel so disapointed... I wouldnt feel so betrayed and cheated if that happens...
I am the kind of person who feels way more then I show the world when it comes to emotional issue... Im not referring to anger or euphoria. Friends do take it for granted sometimes... It is time to stand straight and face each predicament. Ive ignored them for long enough. The space alloted for the incoming effects will soon vanished. Eventhough ive made frequent adjustments, compressing and taming the restless soul battered with emotional agony... Its juz not enough...
I have changed. For the better or worse... I will only know in the future... I'm afraid to trust anyone anymore... Im scared to be failed again and again... Ive given all I had in those people in hope for true friendship... Wish I didnt have to feel this way... but reality has proved itself not only one time...
It is dissapoinment that cause the rejection of me to the world. I have myself locked in my bubble of hope... It is the devastation that shade the beauty of frienship... I see the world as uglier and more tainted with pretence, facade, untruthfulness and ingenuine effort...
But I have not forgotten that I am within the world too...
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Miracles Of 4 Seasons...
Objects, situations, relations…
Never did they differ though they belong to a different proportion,
With the unity of the 4 seasons,
of Autumn, Spring, Winter and Summer…
Friendship…
they come and they go,
they arrive and they left,
but, not entirely,
as it leaves footsteps in our hearts,
and spread burnt out ashes in our way,
I felt it deeply sometimes painfully…
Day and night
Dawn and dusk
Every memories inched away just like us
bad…happy…surprise…amaze
Slowly but neither it drained out totally nor completely,
History has never became legends,
Nor legend has ever became myths…
The moments are still as fresh as flowers,
And as solid as rocks,
To me, FRIENDSHIP is as sacred as divination
Spring…….
the beginning of everything
Is when our friendship bloomed…
Beautifully, attractively and luscious like the mother earth, our friendship does smelt the crisp of acorns and oak leaves,
heaven.
Things that met our eyes are simply jewels,
Cultivation of this bond has yet to grow into wonderful plants,
In this period of our months
Summer….
the sense of total climax ,
where sun rays beams intensely,
Creatures are activated back to lively routine,
Cheers and laughter take over the stillness in the atmosphere,
This is when my friendship is polished
Thus shines brightfully,
But then again…
Autumn arrives without any signs of warning,
Time flies without us realizing,
For it is time for me to say goodbye,
To take leave from the branch and go outside,
Into the world full of surprise,
With the strength of winds and total energy of natures’ lifes
Without any knowledge of the danger awaiting behind…
Welcoming the winter…
The lord of bachelors and spinsters,
Where life’s only individual
Full of cold… menacing… stiff and hard meaning
Things chill out…
and that’s the end of warmth,
till the roots it spread…
I shall end this with a phrase,
Circle of the 4 seasons never fail itself
since the day they were born themselves…
29th November 2002.
Does it still applies?
Oh yes... It sure does... =(
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)