What can be more silent when you cant hear your friends who are excitedly giggling away... With fireworks spraying colours of joy against the vast starry sky and the boom reaching your ears a few seconds later in a few intervals at a distance away...

Chinese New Year has never been so quiet... It is like I'm standing within a few centimeters of sound-proof space that prevent me to blend in with the atmosphere... There is a cloud of sombre-ness hovering above me... But when I look up, I see nothing.

It has been a few years CNY isn't the same anymore... I do not know what is the actual meaning of celebrating CNY. It is all broken... With her departure, the definition of broken became more vivid. I keep holding on to memories. I fail to let go. I would love to see things like how it used to be. It is impossible. Yes, I know...

Two days before CNY, the market in our area which I cud observed from KD-3-10 never failed to excite me. I like the bust of preparation of chinese new year. Every year, aunt will take out her annual vase and decorate it with lovely pretty flowers...
Eve..,all 11 of us sitting around in round table. Me having my first lesson of beer. Ended up jolly-shandied. Perching excitedly on the table not any shorter than me back then, right beside either aunts so that they can peel the prawn skin for me. Nibbling food from brothers's plate. Haha~

I guess, I will never enjoy CNY anymore... Never... It is going to be a tough effort and people to make me feel that way again. I felt like a child... A fragile small child still protected with cocoon. Passed were the time when I knew only very lil of everything.

This occasion is another day for me which allows me to mourn... To remember. To reminisce. I choose to think that nobody can ever understand the feeling of losing it all. Fugly, I tell u, fugly... In a way, I find it consoling a bit to think this way.
Depressing post again? Bah~ Yeah. Too bad.

A journey to locate the enlightenment, a journey to let go of everything...