Pandemics of Covid -19

Malaysians definition of restricted movement control order : 

1. Panic buying > queue for hours at cashier in the supermarket 

2. Lining up outside police station when PDRM announce that interstate travelling requires application

3. Balik fucking kampung to spread the virus to their frail parents, grandparents and at the same time diffusing the virus concentration in the city to countrysides thus zero containment! 

*slowclaps* lim bu give you all one like 

Malaysia boleh! Always infamous for the wrong reason! Number 1 most obese country in SEA. 

Now number 1 in the total number of covid 19 cases (highest surge per day too! 100-150% increment) 

Not forgetting all the cases that stem from the initial religious, travel matta fair, fishing competition gatherings!!! 

What da fook are you guys smoking? 

Already 2 mortalities. Does everyone want to aim for the highest death rate in SEA too now? 

#sipekstress #2mortalities

Primary Healthcare

Im not done with primary healthcare always being at the lowest of the food chain. Primary healthcare in malaysia is being treated like an isolated department which deals with useless cases. Instead of structural integration of primary healthcare as part of the healthcare system, Primary healthcare doctors are always labelled as doctor tekak and mc.

Everyone keep saying emergency department is being misused, abused and flooded by non emergency cases. What is done to change that? Nothing.

Imagine the workload reduction for doctors, specialists, consultants in tertiary centre if we are able to manage 80% of chronic diseases like diabetes, hypertension, cholesterol, astha, thyroid without letting it slip into their absolutely horrendous side effect counterparts?

Infact primary healthcare physician job is to educate on chronic diseases and bring awareness of medical war ie obesity, anti vaccination, unwanted pregnancy, diabetes and high blood complications, correct the myth of misinterpretion about how taking multiple medicine can lead to dialysis and kidney failure. We have the power to educate on contraceptions usage and monitor blood sugar and blood pressure efficiently at any given days. We are the first barrier to healthcare.

Another topic to discuss next day.
Kk and gp. Should have worked hand in hand. But there are still misconception about kk ubat is more power than gp’s ubat. Padahal same ubat.

Why because many doctors going into gps wanna earn fast money from medicine. Gp undercuting one another. Chain Gp is now a business instead of healthcare service. Majority Gps have lost touch of the golden family ties. Nada. Nil. Zero.

Many Gps have not lived by the dictum “prevention is better than cure” coz money seems the best unfortunately.

Also, what do we get most of the time? Being looked down upon and verbally abused by hospital doctors. Being labelled doctor tekak and doctor mc. And the list goes on and on and on and on. 🥶

Lastly, to all my friends and public strangers, i will not be nice anymore next time you ask me this:

What do u do?
Im a doctor.
So What do u specialise in?
Im a family doctor ie Gp.
Oh doctor dont wanna specialise?

OR

Doctor are you in aesthetic?

Like no. *shoot! Bazooka! Laser! Headhsot!
I love what im doing. Im a primary healthcare doctor who deals with everything under the sun. I vouch to be the first contact for u and your family. To ask for advice. To speak to confidentially about your unprotected sex, about how your life is driving you nuts ie depression, about stupid issues that you cant seem to shake off ie anxiety/ocd, to discuss on effectiveness of managements, cheaper costs of management.

Wtf. Just because you guys cant google ligitation management or law pointers, u all bully the profession who studied freaking 5yrs in medicine.

Imagine going to a lawyer and then demand for a consultation. Then complain why so expensive wan!

That asides, big business in chain clinics are paying peanuts for locum. Rm 35-40 per hour! How cheap. And junior doctors and many still get cheated. TBH we deserve it because many of us whore ourselves. And of course the supply is way more than demand.

Let me reiterate:
Our worth is not rm 40/ hour.
Oud worth is not consultation of rm5-15/patient.
Then want to cry when pharmacist fight for dispensing seperation!

People really underestimate the importance of primary healthcare. Maybe because of some nila, rosak susu sebelanga. Hospital green zone should shut off urti, dandruff but we cant. Everything is so bloody messed up.

Whatever la. I will advocate what and who i can.
As comparison to other first world countries, primary healthcare importance in my desr country has a a big contrasting effort.

 #riphealthcare END OF RANTING.

Amoi Banana

900million - 1.1 billion MYR were the estimated “donations” received and were kept in a person’s home! Wadafuckinfuck was that???

And everyone was jumping and parroting into the dUMbNO’s tempurung of constitution and kedaulataan negara and race base politics when LGE’s announcement in Mandarin shook the country’s so called sovereignty. That too after the initial announcement was in Bahasa Malaysia and English. Ladies and gentlemen, Mandarin is not racist but the hooman and people are.

Alot of my Malay and Indian friends are sending their kids to Mandarin school.

Why? Because Mandarin is an art to master. It is often spoken and a widely used language in the world and in asia.

Why i am for mandarin?
I am a #Banana. For those who dont know me iz a banana - i look like chinese, sometimes sound like one (mostly indianized), has sepet eyes BUT i cant read and write in mandarin.

It is tough. It is challenging. It is disheartening and demoralizing at times when i cannot communicate to my patients the original crux of my management or persuading/advising in full parallel understanding of my knowledge. Mostly, im worried what i try to imply were lost in translation.

I cant sing any Jay chou or Lee hom’s song without being laughed at my incorrect pronunciation. But i still do it anyways la. Whatever 🙄

I picked up Mandarin over my years of clinical practice because i find it practical and it amazes me how languages connect hooman. Working on strengthening my canton pop at the same time too thanks to my crazy talkative colleague.

I speak good bahasa malaysia with strong malay slang so much so, that many of my patients ask me if im a Malay root amoi. Because it is important i speak the same language when i see and converse to people of the same ethnicity.

I tried communicating with saudi arabians in arabic  and bangladeshis/indian nationals in hindi when i consult them for lengthy medical issues hoping they will get what my sincere concern of their health are. Using google translate of course.

Heck if i was in sabah or sarawak i would learn their languages too. Because people tend to open up and feel comfortable to another hooman when they feel connected in language. And oh not forgetting through food and sports too.

We just need to get the message across as true and as clear as possible.

My point is, LGE translating in Mandarin after announcing it in Bahasa malaysia and English are excellent. Im sure he would love to do it in as many languages as possible if he could.

Im also damn sure if given a chance, tun M would like to learn mandarin and probably announce in mandarin as well. Imagine if Kj and syed sadiq starts speaking and translating their announcement in mandarin to reach the older aunties and uncles?

More heartwarming. More inclusiveness.

Next aim for tamil ok? #serepebinjirom

#sobengang #bengapalsoada #bengong #kanasai

#ramaimudahtersentak4nogoddamnreasonwhentheactualkleptocratandhisbloodywifeisstilllivingaluxurylife

Signing off,
Amoi cina terakhir.

Issues with cheating. Wow!

Cheating is a crime.

Interlocking lips with intention is a cheat.

Thinking of someone else when you are in a relationship is definitely cheating!

I call that emotional cheating.

Fucking another guy while you are not single is unfaithful = cheat.

Fucking another guy after you are married = adulterous = cheat.

But kissing at spur of moments with 2 girls and 1 guy in front of everybody is what i called wild.

It is downright NOT CHEATING! DAMNIT!

Not misbehaving also especially if it was in a club!

So do not fucking step into the club if you are not ready to see all these!

For clubbing is where people have fun. Not stand in a corner looking prim and proper. GROW UP PEOPLE!

Do you know what i hate most?
Hypocrites! FUCKING hypocrites!
The worst is that these people do not even realize they are ONE! wtf.

So, it is NOT ok to perform a public demonstration?! *rolls eyes*
BUT, it is totally cool and cute to do so on facebook? (like it is not public enough?!)

uuurrrrr.....? Get a life, dudette?

Seriously i am beyond speechless!

No one will say you are dumb if you shut-the-fuck-up.
Hence, don't bother voicing out anything if you don't intend to do so from the very beginning.

Why be a coward and challenge your own principle just because you felt it was "bearably" alright for that sucker to moan like a retard on a virtual public zone?!
GEEZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!

What a total failure in making such great choice of exemptions!

Personal preference to NOT pick on a particular person who was fighting for the wrong cause Vs. picking on a group of senile demonstrators who was actually fighting for the right cause.

WHAT A JOKE! Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha!

Mutilated feelings...

"To thine own self be true..."

I have made no fault,
maybe only imperfection of not being perfect...
I owe YOU not any vindications...
...For i have played my role...

Therefore,
YOU don't deserve my conscience anymore
NOT NOW, NOT NEVER...
The only mistake i probably have made was to befriend you and to underestimate your misconstrue judgmental personality...
BEGONE ungrateful, jealous, cynical and narcissist force!

I reckon i have left this shout out for the longest recorded time ever on my face book page -UNTOUCHED. PERIOD!
Probably more than a week, long enough for the message to reach those it was directed upon. Most importantly, strong enough to puncture and penetrate the dirty dungs-compacted brains of some people!!!
And if they don't get it, i can only laugh at their lack of conscience and ignorance! Bakaaa!

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
Because it hurts when people hurled those irresponsible and unfiltered tainted ideas of theirs at someone (Me) who was seriously putting their best interests before anything else!
And please get your facts right before bombarding away like a malfunctioned catapult!

A misunderstanding as many puts it, i beg to differ. I, who stand on the other end do not see it that way. Personally? It sounded like saying fuck-you in a subtler way.
Where is the room for the benefit of doubts when it is critically and essentially needed?
No one jumps right into a stinky pool of verdict if it wasn't for a pre-fixed prejudice!
So, to hell with "misunderstandings"!!!

I was furious! So angry i could murder those people! But hey, it was only a superego thought.
I am sane enough to NOT react and demote myself to the same par as those people.
Well, referring to the conclusion made by those people, I totally get it that superior people have to behave superior-ly as oppose to minions doing the minion jobs?

Those weren't my natural words. I had to spit them in defense to false convictions made by a subordinate.

I have said it before and now i will say it again:

i will b the worst defender u can ever come across in life
i don't perform the inauguration of attacks
for i only defend by counterattacks!
and bear in mind that they will be few folds in comparison to the damage you have caused...

echoes from 1st June 2010 8:03 pm...
su-lin

FUDGE OFF!

just who do you think you are? some big shot? some superstar?
fart tart! i don't care if you do not care anymore.

chillax la. acting like a kitten! *meow*

so you think i am gonna swallow your shit? and tolerate you attitude?
GIMME A BREAK and bugger off man!

in case you are reading this, i ain't gonna see u.
H-A-P-P-Y? sure you are!

If i were a boy...

"....If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts..."

~Beyonce '08~

i swear i will be a better man...

i would listen to her...
i would purse my lips and shut my mouth!
i would put my ears before my tongue!
because i know how it hurts...
to blabber things without thinking,
at a girl (or anyone else in that matter)

i would learn to respect a girl
before i expect her to do so
i would be thoughtful in conversation
i would be tactful in debating with her
put reasons forward
instead of defending for the sake of winning
just because i have my testosterone to be blamed

if i were a boy
i would not be so obsessed with my own ego
nor would i thrash theirs
i would be a gentleman and treat them like another gentlewoman
i would not segregate
but treat them just like one of us

if i were a boy
i would not discriminate the black skins
and think so proudly of my own bleach white fairness
which can beat the splashes of a ghost shivery whitish aura
because she knows you are as black as a soot inside
neither would i boast about how i should have further my study in western countries instead of the land of Ghandi

if i were a boy,
i would not talk about how i am better then my girlfriends' boyfriend
on how i am bigger
on how i am taller
on how i am better in that sports
on how i am smarter
on how i am like a so-called all rounder
because youth wears off and so do brain neurons

the best comparison i have ever heard was : i dump my gf at home and she wont make a sound but you are so sticky

if i were a boy
i would not show off
nor boast about what i did for my other half
nor compete with other guy on being the best boyfriend material
nor tell ALL my friends what i did over the weekends (intentionally)
!PERIOD!
nor announce publicly to my friends how expensive my anniversary gifts were to my girlfriend
nor bringing up the same repetitive statements about my girlfriends reactions when she sees the diamond
nor share my sex stories on bed to my other guy friends
making it jokes of the year
neither would i ask silly questions that will 'fortunately' lead back on to conversations about me, myself and i
(beams! beams! beams! i hope the gigantic spotlight falls down on his head, crack his skull and he suffers from amnesia, forgetting he ever has a girlfriend and that he was ever a MAN and thinks he is a WOMAN now!!!)

also because i know my girlfriend is not an auction item for people to place bids upon
i would be very sneaky
and do what people least expect of me
i would surprise her and the rest of the girls
and let the verdict be enormously unexpected

if i were a boy
i would not talk about girls wearing push up bras
or injecting hormones
or doing implants
or their sagging boobs
or the wobbly big wide buffalo buttocks
the way they walk
the way they act
because i know everyone has different physique
and it is the heart that matters most
AND MORE SO IF I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND whom others can also degrade and spit comments on

(PUIK PUIK PUIK! think whether your frigging gf is Miss World's Standard first or not-la before talking bad about other girls!!!)
-disclaimer: face and looks discussion can be excusedla-

if i were a boy
i would not degrade girls
and think they are weaker then men
and feel like the most superior human in the whole universe
think that everyone else especially the girls and including my own man-kind are childish
that i'm the MOST matured of them all
then tell about how girls only like to whine, PMS, mood swing, and be materialistic

if i were a boy
i would never ever be a hypocrite
lansi! comment on people's attitude when my own attitude is just as shitty

if i were a boy....
i would be like my beloved him
or like that guy friend who stood by me through thick and thin (most of the time only ler actually)...
because they know how their girlfriend and girlfriends would feel...

and i can never be more proud for the both of you *SMILES*

"...But you're just a boy
You don’t understand (yea you don’t understand)
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you’ll wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts..."

and as a girl, I am very extremely seriously pissed!
pained, hurt, heartfelt, annoyed, angered

*sigh*

and said siva: if i were a boy, you'd be one pretty looking boy
and to esther if u are reading this... there you go, if i were a boy...

on a lighter note,
if i were a boy,
1. i would know how it feels like being on top of a girl (my reply to my own Supremo question one year ago on stage in front of my dearest MMMC dean)
2. i would get a girlfriend just like ME!

T________T

only love <3
Me, Myself and I

B.O

There is a reason when people call you a STINKY!
now, i think there are TWO reasons.
why?
Because, well...

ONE!
you stink literally! Now i ain't gonna be nice telling those who called you a stinko a MEANIE.

TWO!
you stink figuratively too! So WOW!
*drumsroll*
what a combo we have over here.

and yeah, if you are reading this, I AM PUTTING THIS UP FOR YOU TO DEVOUR~
so suck it up!

Only love <3

Rahool-ed

I got my menstrual today which explains my hormonal imbalance that resulted in my punctured mood the whole afternoon.

I am less pissed now. Bet its my room aroma. It calms me down. Yes it does!

My current display name on msn reads:
"let me be the first to declare dat I DISLIKE RAHUL sampah tong despite the fact dat the whole world adores him!"

To hell with those who are willing to lick his shoes clean. I don't care.
Because to me, he looks like a gorilla. Yeap, that creature with two huge nostrils!!
He probably thinks he's extremely good looking.
*barf*
I don't deny the fact that he is very good in teaching. I personally had praised him. I enjoy-ED his class. I us-ED to like him (NOT ADORE).
But i never once think he is good looking. Maybe he is charming. M...a...y...b...e....

However today, his charm barely impressed and interest me, for the curse of P.E.R.I.O.D (pun intended) in every women that arrives each month with or without warning sign holds a greater role in carving that smile in a woman.

His words were a bunch of jargons.
His demonstrations weren't in any corner of my field of sight as they were obstructed by a pair of flexed knee!
I lost him halfway through.
Imaginations were the only guidance.

He appeared more and more like a gorilla as the seconds' arm of my clock tick-tocked. Started from distortion of his two wide canal in between his two gradually shrunken cheeks. Layers and layers of frowns creases across his forehead. Two flappy ears enlarged even more. Lastly, I swear i saw coarse hairs growing out of his flesh...

I found a picture of moi boy imitating a RAHUL. oops, i mean GORILLA.




:: i caught him red-jacketed before he embarked the swan boat ::

:: swan, sunset, lake and the both of us... (18/01/2008) ::

Flickers of fire

When words are nicely strewn on a pretty and emotional Hallmark card, they bring positive humongous effect to the receiver...

But.

When nasty words are are used without cautious.
When they are tossed over to you.
When you are least expecting them.

It feels like you have taken those words like catapulted fire stones bombarded to you... Not only it hurts my pride as an individual. It hurts my feminine shadow of me (which i rarely groomed upon). Now that the result has even shaken that side of me, I think it must be a huge sin! A guy whom I considered a friend to spatter such crude and despicable without weighing the consequences of such action, has gone way over my limit of toleration!

YOU think just because you are one measly emotional sucker, you are granted a golden ticket to commit such atrocity???!!! You step on my tail and i will stomp on ur face!

Man.... You really disappoint me... You have hurt me greatly... I remember... I may forget but fail to forgive...

Owh well, it is just tragic isnt it?
Drama queen is back. The urge to blog has resurfaced after such a long long long hibernating season....

Series of Pissifying Events

As far as I remembered, I woke up from the right side of the bed.
But why is it I was tailed by series of unfortunate also pissifying events since the moment I stepped out from the house?!

1. My not-so-wonderful-and-gloomy day took off with my imbecile scooter not wanting to start. I tried really hard and long to activate the damned fucked up machine.
WHY AM I CURSING SO MUCH?
Because I just took it out from Bajaj's Centre (well known for its status as the international money sucker) who just leeched a total of 1200 rupees claiming that my battery and spark plug have been renewed.
So, as I was fuming away, I had to press the knob of electric starter, pulled the choker's trigger (felt like i almost broke it) and ramming the accelerator at the same time while hanging on to the brake so that the stupid bike wouldn't suddenly fly onto the road IF it miraculously woke up. DAMN.
If all those aren't enough to get my torso occupied, I finally had to kick start with all the above actions still implemented! *tears hair off head*
I was already late to class. 5minutes to class when i left the house, and with my scooter cooking up its attitude, I had ZERO time to lose. Felt like bursting out when I couldn't feel any Indian rupees in my jeans. OH CRAP!
................
Good enough, Ming planned on attending the class. I followed him. (he was late too lar...)


-see rainy season doesn't offer good prospects! Not even to me, an idealist who loves rain...-

2. Since I didn't have an umbrella with me, I was praying hard to Manipal's God of Rain in class not to release the sinister downpour. I have been a real good girl the past few days, no?
Yeah! Damn right! He obviously didn't give two shits about the measly lil girl who so badly wanted to walk to main ICICI bank about 500 metres away!
Nah... I wasn't silly enough to let the rain soaked me! That would made the God of Rain laugh his teeth off! I chose to wait till someone offered me a shade. Khairun was really sweet.... Thank you love =) Got an oto and went to the bank. The counter attendant was a biatch! Someone's gotta teach them office people some manners and probably a real hardcore and intensive lesson on HOW-TO-SMILE-YOUR-32-yellow-teeth to your customers!! Useless black skinned creatures!

3. Next on my eruption sequence-the dumb-fucked oto driver! To get to Swarnagiri Apartment (apparently it means Gold Mountain in their Hindi Language), I was nice enough to tell him to use the shorter way to get there before he made the U-turn to take an even LONGER route. BUT NO! Instead of thanking me while kneeling down and kissing my dirty, smelly, muddy and torn sneakers, he barked back at me:
"Take one big round, no?" And when any oto driver spits such words outta their Halitosis mouth it only means ONE THING! That is surcharge of $$$$$$$$$$$!!!! I paid 30 rupees in the end without any question. I was too beaten up to squeak anymore dissatisfaction! (20 rupees more I would have gotten to Udupi!)

Let me declare today as Indians condemning Day. Thus, any blacks who mess with me after this is sure going to bear the consequence of my earlier anger!

4. Upon reaching my house I was welcomed by my baby...He had to come down and pay my sucky smelly oto driver... Yeah, not a very romantic way to put it but who cares lar... (truly his smile does disintegrate my worries and grudges into ashes... However it, ONLY for less than a minute) Stomach strike began... I was so hungwie but I only manage to slouch into the kitchen... There I was thinking I would put myself at ease finally after feasting on the not so grand meal. Removing the lid of the pan, I was anticipating bottomless fried rice and VOILA! My stare was greeted with food enough to feed ONLY a pathetic sole refugee in WW2 concentrated camp. ARGHH!!!!!!! Immediately my temperature shoot up and I snapped!
Some insensitive people (whom i choose not to display HIS AND HER name because I am FUCKING SENSITIVE) do not know how to consider other's empty stomach while scooping for their 3rd servings! Ive had enough. This aint the very first time I was left with remnants of food like this!

Poor jimmy bear... He had to tolerate my mood swing from the moment i got back till he left for class... Sorry my dearest... I didn't mean it to let it all out on you... *hearts* And thanks for being there and embracing me throughout while sizzling off my wild inferno... ^^ Sigh...
I can never love anyone more... Love you.... <3

Only Love,
SueLyNn Tan... (14:57)
Currently listening to: Endless Rain -X japan

Stinks!

India Indians are stinky pieces of shits discarded everywhere! If you guys were allowed to stay around longer on the street, the solid mass of shits will melt and look like the sticky, slimy discharge from my anus!!!!!!!! *splat*

If you do not know how to handle the car behind the wheel, fucking sit on the passenger seat!
If u are so shallow enough to NOT put your common sense into practice on the road, go ram into a lamp post and have all your senses erased!
If you don't wanna be an Indian, GO DRINK BLEACH AND DIE and at the same time BLEACHED YOURSELF!!!!!!!

DAMN U!
Didn't you see the amount of cars, motorcycles, scooters coming your way!??? Are you blind or what?!
When u cant even cross over, then why the fuck do u STILL cross the damn road and get fucking stuck right in the middle of the road!????????? By being an ignorant piece of walking shit with two lidi-like charcoal black lower limbs, you think you own the road?! Or rather you reckon the road is of your great great great grandfather's?!

KNNCCB!
Seriously! I am so so so so so so so so so so sooooooooooooooo AGITATEDD!!!!!!!!
ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!



Now, my poor bubble is broken! My heart is broken too!!

What have become of me?

ARGHHHHHH!!!!!
The constructions all around me are driving me NUTS!
I am expecting a peaceful and tranquil getaway from the everyday-medical-havoc-life after class! And I come back only to be fed with unimaginable drillings, knockings, hammerings of all sorts of frequencies and desibles!!!!! Thats not all!
Those polution come from every direction possible- In front of my room! Upstairs! Downstairs! Next to my apartment! A few apartments away??!!!! EVERYWHERE!
Worst of all, the fusion of the painstaking NOISEs come with the most awful, unsynchronized, annoying intervals!!!!!! *SHRIEK!*

Then, like its not enough to bug my hearing and concentration PLAYING GB and browsing net, THE movie! yes! THE movie Ive been anticipating for days to watch is corrupted!? Im referring to RE: Apocalypse. Also, the so-called Grammy award movie- The Prestige is quite a let-down. That I have waited a year since I watch the trailer. Thuff~

To top it all, I have been Home Sick. Who would have thought Sulin would be homesick? Cause I never had! I was never the girl who misses home! I came here feeling all happy and excited! BAH!~ I was thinking of mummy yesterday night and it lead me to think of everyone else. In the end, i ended up sending RARE smses to those in malaysia saying I miss them. Bet daddy must have been shocked. >.<

I am afraid to lose anymore people I love in my life... Losing them in anyway at all at any cost...
I cannot bear the feeling... I feel very broken inside... Very feeble... Very weak... To have anyone dear to me walk out of my life in front on my eye or to have anyone say goodbye to me forever... I sure know these are inevitable because realationship never last. Life is not forever too... Ive lost two of my dearest people in my life... And I can only see them in my memories engraved when they were around... 3 others have walked out on me... The more I chase after them, the further they are away from me... It is like im chasing their reflections... I have stopped running. Because I feel silly and dumb. Whats the point I salvage something or someone who doesnt care anymore...? Who doesnt apreciate me anymore...?

Who knows, it might be me who is going to leave everyone behind...?
Maybe it would have been easier... I wouldnt feel so disapointed... I wouldnt feel so betrayed and cheated if that happens...

I am the kind of person who feels way more then I show the world when it comes to emotional issue... Im not referring to anger or euphoria. Friends do take it for granted sometimes... It is time to stand straight and face each predicament. Ive ignored them for long enough. The space alloted for the incoming effects will soon vanished. Eventhough ive made frequent adjustments, compressing and taming the restless soul battered with emotional agony... Its juz not enough...

I have changed. For the better or worse... I will only know in the future... I'm afraid to trust anyone anymore... Im scared to be failed again and again... Ive given all I had in those people in hope for true friendship... Wish I didnt have to feel this way... but reality has proved itself not only one time...

It is dissapoinment that cause the rejection of me to the world. I have myself locked in my bubble of hope... It is the devastation that shade the beauty of frienship... I see the world as uglier and more tainted with pretence, facade, untruthfulness and ingenuine effort...


But I have not forgotten that I am within the world too...

Super CrankyNess!

OK! This post is very much similar to all my other posts typed when I have my anger provoked! So, this post is AGAIN = 18 sx. TuTT!

WHAT the fuck is wrong with those insensitive people (whose name i do not wish to specify in case in polute this website of mine!) Think U are so god damn great handling SUCH HUGEEEEE EVENT???!

OH COMMON! U think U are the only one having weight upon UR useless weakling shoulder??? And I have to take up all the nonsensical temper! FUCK U! seriously! I DO GIVE ALL MY SHITS to people like these! It is a sin by just not being bothered! I feel bad for what I have not done (that also with the fact that UR message didnt get to me! how efficient is that???! Just how sufficient the blame is showered upon me at the same time?)

I cannot NOT just keep it quiet and pretend like nothing is out of control and things are just the way they are! Everyone is tired! Everyone is fucking exhausted! Drained from the blocks battle over the week! What do U expect???? U want every single to fall into place and have most things planned flawless and scarless?! Like how the trees started growing in the mountain and the water flowing into the ocean?
U think U are GOD MEH? So almighty and superior!

It is annoying! Annoying to have such insensitive people around! But well, if we have all the sensitive people around, the world would be boring afterall eh? Funny! Its just my fate to be gifted with over emotionally feelings and labile temperament!

Currently, I have to stupidly plaster a bonafide smile and pray and hope and salvage the stupid situations! I should have known it better!

TO NEVER GIVE A DAMN TO PEOPLE LIKE THESE!

I so fucking know the depression or tension or stressed are crystal clearly written on my face! I cant help it k! I am just using what the God has given me! I have got plenty of facial muscles. Might as well I put it into maximum usage! *sigh...*

Bloody hell.

Yaadein~

Fucking blame me for ever falling for such a guy!
What did i do in my previous life for me to deserve such honourable cast in the society?! That i do not seem to deserve someone at all? Desperate? Oh yes i am. Who wouldnt? You? If yes, then go screw yourself!

Goodness gracious! *YOU! leave me alone dei*