2 years already?!

"Welcome back owner! It has been eons of seconds..."

it is pretty late...
ever since Karkala posting ended, I stopped living healthy (eat and sleep wise)
tonight is another one of those late nights...

as i was flipping through albums searching for an appropriate Malay song i can sing in Lagenda (an event huge enough to come up next to Utsav) , anywayz i stubbled upon a video...

A video that stores endless memories...
A video that is capable to make my tears come rolling
A video only 4 minutes, but enough to transport me back to those moments.
A moment long lost in the labyrinth of new events...

My chest used to swell tight with hope and dream to sing!
Sing other than in the bathroom cubicle. Stand on a bright spot-lit stage. Soar along with cheers and shouts from the audience. But it never came until...
Until one summer in 2005...

I never perform a song before in my entire life be it birthday functions or wedding dinner. Neither have i took part in any singing competitions. But i knew that deep within me, the vocal system was earnest to let loose, to let the whole world know what my vocal cord can achieve.
Yet i do not know what makes me gave my name to sing in such a huge event compared to my standard. I am even amaze now with my confidence then.

Now, comes the part which inflict the emotions in me tonight...
Along with a positive changes within me, the video is also embedded with my first ever love that finally withered, my first ever friendship with a Chinese that bitterly fades off... (yeah yeah, i was an anene, i used to be swarmed by Indians, i talk, i act like them. It was a great time... well, thats another story of one of my glorious years. BTW I AM NOT RACIST DEI! )

The tension tug war of the rope snapped. It gave in to the tautness of two opposite views upon our life, decisions and principles. I guess it was nobody's wish. I still sit back sometimes and reflect upon our friendship. How it used to be, how many silly lil fights we got into, how we crawled outta a war field, how one night at Mc D can set to rays of new beginning (i cant help it but be proud to have such story that can be told to my children next time, cheesy yet real). And how for others, an abrupt turn took place again leading us into adventure that brings our distance further away...

However, we are both settled, happy and probably near contended with how our lives had brought us through the thick mist of uncertainty. I just hope that one day we can sit under a durian tree and shoot dramatic speeches at each other again, then laugh our bare gums off into the horizon. Hehe, I still love you...
Plus she always tell me that she never believe in eternity goodbyes.

"Love is blind"
Oh yeah, I am referring to the girlfriend and boyfriend love. Not the family, friends, pets, gadgets, food kinda love!
Now that I am standing within the radius of love-dovey boundaries, do i still look at the phrase the same way as i used to 2 years back?
I guess not. For i believe strongly and CAN SHOUT CONFIDENTALLY that there is someone meant for us! If he hasn't arrived, WAIT! FUCKING WAIT till he comes and blind you with his shining armor! Be it his armor is used to hide his fugly appearance or to protect him from his pussy-fying attitude. JUST WAIT!

OMIGOSH! It does happen. You don't just love someone without the first impression especially look. Then slowly, attitude, similarities, interests and desires will set in to burn the flickering fire of love ALIVE. And lets be truthful, u cant be so blind to accept someone outta your league ok!? So love ain't blind. WTF WTF WTF!

However much i detested people telling me that the right man will find you when the right time comes, I used to NOT bother about the assurance everyone seems to have with my love life and my prince charming when it is MY love life and prince charming to start with. And i alwayz alwayz alwayz put a deaf ear to the Ya-da ya-da ya-da.
Apparently and miraculously, they are right afterall. Thhfff~

So i would like to thank this particular someone who allowed me to think out of the box achieving another milestone in life. Let's call him ermm... Mushie? He ended the curse that held me from the noun, verb and proverb of relationship. It was short but nevertheless sweet. That is to fall in love and go dating while holding hands.
Nah, i'm not talking about jimmy bear. =P (Bibit dun be jealous k? Ling still sayang u~~~)

In a nutshell, tonight's entry is utterly and purely random. Good night.

Dr. Sexy Tan
(3am)

What can be more silent when you cant hear your friends who are excitedly giggling away... With fireworks spraying colours of joy against the vast starry sky and the boom reaching your ears a few seconds later in a few intervals at a distance away...

Chinese New Year has never been so quiet... It is like I'm standing within a few centimeters of sound-proof space that prevent me to blend in with the atmosphere... There is a cloud of sombre-ness hovering above me... But when I look up, I see nothing.

It has been a few years CNY isn't the same anymore... I do not know what is the actual meaning of celebrating CNY. It is all broken... With her departure, the definition of broken became more vivid. I keep holding on to memories. I fail to let go. I would love to see things like how it used to be. It is impossible. Yes, I know...

Two days before CNY, the market in our area which I cud observed from KD-3-10 never failed to excite me. I like the bust of preparation of chinese new year. Every year, aunt will take out her annual vase and decorate it with lovely pretty flowers...
Eve..,all 11 of us sitting around in round table. Me having my first lesson of beer. Ended up jolly-shandied. Perching excitedly on the table not any shorter than me back then, right beside either aunts so that they can peel the prawn skin for me. Nibbling food from brothers's plate. Haha~

I guess, I will never enjoy CNY anymore... Never... It is going to be a tough effort and people to make me feel that way again. I felt like a child... A fragile small child still protected with cocoon. Passed were the time when I knew only very lil of everything.

This occasion is another day for me which allows me to mourn... To remember. To reminisce. I choose to think that nobody can ever understand the feeling of losing it all. Fugly, I tell u, fugly... In a way, I find it consoling a bit to think this way.
Depressing post again? Bah~ Yeah. Too bad.

A journey to locate the enlightenment, a journey to let go of everything...

Dotz.

~Emo~

Who would have thought, I would have gotten a last glance of kong kong...?
Its not the same person, but its more than enough... I get to see someone like him...
So alike... So similar... The feature, the shiny pearl white hair, elongated ear lobes and the sunglasses especially... His dressing somehow reminds me of him too... It struck me real abrupt. ZAP. Once I settled down after entering the lab later than most of my fellow mates...

He was mumuring something on suturing... But my mind wandered off into other realm...
The morning glories... The massaging I used to oblige to do when I was little...(i would have given anything to do that now... yeah..., of coz... anyone would say such a thing... ) Shopping in Sunshine Square... My memories cant locate much of him but I love him just as much nevertheless...

My view was blurry throughout the class, I didn't dare make a sound or move. I was only imagining wat would happen if I cannot contain the overpowering emotional attack... Man, was i worried.

Who would have thought the KFC colonel lookalike would end up looking up like kong-kong?
Ha-Ha