Memento in memorandum~
You know...? sometimes when u are just too disturbed and your brain becomes too saturated to even brood over every single irritating and annoying recent incidents that have been happening in your life... All u want to do is, point your bloody finger at everything or everybody else and start blaming them?
Yes dear...I am having this damn syndrome right now! I juz stepped into the library not long ago- was about 10 minutes back… placed my ever bulky books on the table... down... got comfortable... took out my papers, notes and pen when I NOE THERE IS SOMETHING AT THE BACK OF MY FREAKING MIND that is distracting me...even till this moment!) I have been thinking about this matter again and again and again (repeating it till outta breath...) throughout the short walking distance from my lovely comfy room to the library...Mentang mentang lar room cannot study and library can... SEE WHAT happens now??? I do not freaking noe wat I want! I really do not noe!!! series of interesting events are happening in my life lately… INFACT QUITE! and they are getting more and more annoying one after another!
Thus, I am here in the library’s comp lab and im actually paying 10 rupees to blog! I cant stop my sudden urge to blog! To tell the whole world my feelings! Actually not.. but yeah... I strongly feel like expressing myself... I do...
ME, MYSELF AND I!!!!! ARGHHHHH~ Prony..., im feeling quite miserable... studies not goin well... dats minority! The major thing is I am missing someone badly back in Malaysia... I really have no idea as of how my feelings brought me there... Since yesterday, I have been thinking about IT! Thinking about how messed up my situation in my hand now... I do feel like tearing, I feel like shouting and screaming with full force at the top of the mountain! I do wana turn back time and let moments replay... I don’t wanna hang on to memory...It kills...
"Wouldnt it be wonderful to let time brings me back to childhood... safely and soundly cuddling under the warmth and protection of my mum... far far away from any tight spots…" In malay we call it “Kerunsingan” I pray that this "thing" is temporary... I pray that im just in my usually lost,indecisive, dellusional thought....
But then again... Who am i to hope now...?
No divine tears can clear a murky situation like this... No prayers can make amendment to a sin i think i have committed... No consolation can feed a beast who is hungry for answers.... Am i this bad..? Why do people need to lose something for them to learn how to be apreciative..? I regret... I regret... I regret... Regret for behaving the way i never wished to be.... Regret for hurting so many people... people whom i noe i can never have back even in my next life... (coz a person like me does not deserve them... ) I regret for not voicing up... i regret for jumping into stuff. (ive alwayz tot i have been a very indecisive soul.. but i had to be extra fast in particularly one matter... a decision which is changing my destiny... as such i have tried rescueing but i have a strong evil feeling that my strength isnt strong enough to support the predicted catastrophe follwing up... i smell tinge of broken promises... i sense the scary numbers of heart that is going to be scraped and scarred... the pumping device known mechanically and medically but a mysterious pouch of emotion.. the one and only which can be wounded by words... wound that never healed.... A teritory with unknown translation of emotions... in which the rise and fall of anyone depends on it... Something that we fail to comprehend... But what else is the truth.....?
Reports: Agent Sue
Case: Unsolved
Comment: The truth is out there (LABELLED: THE X-FILES.......)
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