Grandpa was in my dream yesterday...
Im very happy he came...
Maybe he knows i was feeling really unhappy..., maybe... *smiles*
might had been my last chance seeing him...

I'm still sore... there's just a clump there right in my heart, weighing down my happiness...
I hate it when i feel this way, makes me feel crappy and makes anyone who notices me feel uneasy with my presence...

What good does emotional breakdown brings? I'm yet to figure that out yo...
All i know is, once I am diagnosed with it, my eyes start to prick... Water accumulates...,
one drop, two drops and then tears will just come streaming down non-stop. It is simply autonomous. Wonder-FOOL! The harder I try to stop, the more i cry... *sigh*
If I wasnt in medical school, I would have thought theres a machine in my thorax which is activated to pump all the additional tears to my eyes... -.-"

Aches .... such a bad timing for everything to happen...
All i need is someone to be there...sumone to hear me out... someone for me to cry my blardy screwed up heart out!!!!
But no one seems to available nowadays...
I've been keeping things to myself alot... It is accumulating and while day passes by, they multiply to create more havoc...
why cant the braniac nerds create a tool to discharge horrible accumulated non-disposable emotion? why?! why?! WHY?! would have been way much easier...

i know very well, this is going to last for a while only and everything is gonna be back to normal. Euphoria is going to kick in anytime soon...
But the problem is... how soon is S-O-O-N?

p/s: i had friendly stingray in my dream yesterday too... =))
Only Love,
Sulin, Tan... (7.17am)

Fake Post

Weather has been behaving really weird lately...

Instead of feeling humid and sweaty, I am actually feeling cold...

Feeling the chill at night when the fan is static.

Going to the bathroom and to be in contact with the water thats coming out from the tap, in the wee morning is a NO-NO!

I am astonished! This is suppose to be peak Summer in Manipal!!!

Hey~ Mr. Weather! Are you getting your records wrong? Memories Short Circuited?

One year back, I seriously do not remember complaining about the chill throughout the summer. Well, my AC was screwed up back then...(thats not a reason, because i dont even have an AC now..) And I was practically roasting myself whenever I was in my ex-room. Plus, i complaint real alot and even got an entry cursing the weather....

.......................................

.................

........

....

or did i......................................................?

I think it is me who is suffering from Amnesia.

*whispers*

"Eh susu, its winter in the northern part of india dei!!!" >.<

Coz i juz checked my previous entries. Peak summer is suppose to be in march. LOLZ! Speaking of which, I have been in India for one-FREAKING-FUCKING-year.

Talk about astonishment-LAH! GAGA!

But since ive written so much, i'll post this anyways-LAH.

So enjoy cursing me-LAH! -MOU LIU-!

Pain has an element of blank;
It cannot recollect
When it began, or if there were
A day when it was not.

It has no future but itself,
Its infinite realms contain Its past,
enlightened to perceive
New periods of pain.

(i feel so cold now... wonder whether he is somewhere around...)

There's Been a Death In The Opposite House...

There's been a death in the opposite house
As lately as today.
I know it by the numb look
Such houses have always.

The neighbours rustle in and out,
The doctor drives away.
A window opens like a pod,
Abrupt, mechanically;

Somebody flings a mattress out, -
The children hurry by;
They wonder if It died on that, -
I used to when a boy.

The minister goes stiffly in
As if the house were his,
And he owned all the mourners now,
And little boys besides;

And then the milliner, and the man
Of the appalling trade,
To take the measure of the house.
There'll be that dark parade

Of tassels and of coaches soon;
It's easy as a sign, -
The intuition of the news
In just a country town.

~€mily Dickinson~

the funeral will be tomorrow...
at 11p.m.
i regret for not being able to be there...
i will never able to tell you how much i miss you...
things will never be the same again...
Viva Forever....

why so abrupt...? why life has to be this way...?

Breeze...

sweet memories are to be remembered when someone is feeling absolutely down,
family members are to be missed when they no no longer in town...

I love you...
The thing is, all i am feeling right now doesnt seem to change alot. I feel the time has frozen. Unmoved by the spinning of the earth, rising and setting of the sun... Possibly, my biological or geographical clock is 2 and a half hours behind time...
I lag. It will start to set in ,no sonner than that...

I still feel that you are still there...
resting on the swing in the garden...
feeling safe in the cocoon...
monitoring very walk of life in their daily activities...
While vehicle zoomed past on the street..
you secretly smiled and thanked god that you are no longer in a rush...
neither to fight against tide nor to overtake the time...
And every once in a while,
beams of joy were unleashed,
smile of great happiness filled your lips when a visit arrived from the far away land...
The melancholy of the yesteryears might have rot with the past...
Maybe nobody knows the commotions which has been etched in the heart of someone like you...
To think about it...,
It had been long...
It must had been really lonely...

I am afraid of loneliness too... Beacuse plain loneliness makes my soul feels dry and it flakes bit by bit...

The breeze appeared and dispersed... And it was all that it took...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------You~

Yaadein~

Fucking blame me for ever falling for such a guy!
What did i do in my previous life for me to deserve such honourable cast in the society?! That i do not seem to deserve someone at all? Desperate? Oh yes i am. Who wouldnt? You? If yes, then go screw yourself!

Goodness gracious! *YOU! leave me alone dei*

Sunsweet

Do not treat Prunes as Snacks!
Do not eat Prunes unless constipation sets in to lock ur anus hole.
Do not eat half box of Sunsweet Prunes in 15 minutes without taking any meal!

........because the consequences are dreaful!
In exactly 2 hours! 120 minutes, the hollow stomach will start growling with a melodious tune cum Linkin Park summer concert. Then, uneasiness starts crawling from the upper part of stomach and the vibe travels down from one end of the Small Intestine to another end into the large bowel. With the intensity of vibe (drumming, knocking, pinching, clanking, churning etc,etc) somehow grow stronger at each bends of the Intestine.
*whisper* I wouldnt wanna imagine the number of bends throughout 6 metres length of Intestine. -.-

Gosh! In no time, you would be running in and out of toilet every split second.

(hold ya' breath and get ready with toilet paper)

Anyone with squatting toilet, prepare a support man! Coz when you are finally done, your calves and thigh will turn squabbly and they can give in to your weight any moment.

Trust me, IT IS JUST PLAIN SMELLY occurance! It ain't sunny nor sweet as the name indicate.

~Nice~

I am thankful that life has brought me till today...
Because today is exceptionally tranquil...
The ripples in the air... not the slightest turbulence...
The flow of my emotions did not show any sign of turbity...

*take in a full cup of air* WHOAAAA!

Love,
Sulin Tan (23.02) ^^