a weekend to remember...

Sunday's facebook shoutout. (And i mean it! Right, sulin *rolls eyes*)
"One of the best-est weekend!
Restraining order for NO partying & NO drinking the next 2months starts today!"

Being a facebook queen, i have seen a couple of shout outs stating that they had a great weekend. Something very nice to hear from the usual grunts and complaints about Monday blues...
I obviously had a weekend i find worth blogging. =)

Friday
Weekend started as early as Friday night.
More like an alcohol filled weekend. Teheeee.
Fought with bii (dont remember why at the moment), not a good sign for good weekend huh?
Gaya was unhappy too under the influence of some unforeseen circumstances.
So we ber-emo together over the smses. Sigh...

Anyways, Andeloo called for dinner. I wanted to nap aka sleep until the next morning but i decided against my pig-ly wish because i was adamant that my weekend should be AWESOME this time! So off we went to Wazen with Gillie, Bav and Anson. Bii joined us 20minutes later along with his post-badminton sweat. He left with Anson when the rest of us decided to go for a many round of beer @ Jim's Cottage in conjunction with the opening ceremony of World Cup Fifa 2010.
Steven and the geng joined us for awhile and we all left at 12 something.

Then I joined dx and the rest in office bar. Had another many rounds of beer. Haha.
Left at 2am but my night did not end there because i joined the party in gurv's apartment.
Woooowooowooo! Slow down woman. -_____-!
Bad news, i had my usual emotional attack/breakdown when i get high in unhappy state. I probably cried tears enough to be able to fill up all the empty whisky bottles lying around in gurv's house. Bahh! Sappy! But thanks to Shereen, Mal, Gurv and Paul for shutting up my howlings in the wee hour of morning. Sorry dearies... =(

Saturday
Woke up the next morning wearing a pair of swollen goldfish eyes. Like that >>
Haha! Luckily I managed to stay through the whole convocation without much difficulties from the 3 people i do not wish to see. *pats own head*

Post convocation party at Arena and then at Garden city. I will let pictures do the talking.

Sunday
...is another chapter of its own... =)
I will write another entry on it!

Signing off...
sue... <3

Mutilated feelings...

"To thine own self be true..."

I have made no fault,
maybe only imperfection of not being perfect...
I owe YOU not any vindications...
...For i have played my role...

Therefore,
YOU don't deserve my conscience anymore
NOT NOW, NOT NEVER...
The only mistake i probably have made was to befriend you and to underestimate your misconstrue judgmental personality...
BEGONE ungrateful, jealous, cynical and narcissist force!

I reckon i have left this shout out for the longest recorded time ever on my face book page -UNTOUCHED. PERIOD!
Probably more than a week, long enough for the message to reach those it was directed upon. Most importantly, strong enough to puncture and penetrate the dirty dungs-compacted brains of some people!!!
And if they don't get it, i can only laugh at their lack of conscience and ignorance! Bakaaa!

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
Because it hurts when people hurled those irresponsible and unfiltered tainted ideas of theirs at someone (Me) who was seriously putting their best interests before anything else!
And please get your facts right before bombarding away like a malfunctioned catapult!

A misunderstanding as many puts it, i beg to differ. I, who stand on the other end do not see it that way. Personally? It sounded like saying fuck-you in a subtler way.
Where is the room for the benefit of doubts when it is critically and essentially needed?
No one jumps right into a stinky pool of verdict if it wasn't for a pre-fixed prejudice!
So, to hell with "misunderstandings"!!!

I was furious! So angry i could murder those people! But hey, it was only a superego thought.
I am sane enough to NOT react and demote myself to the same par as those people.
Well, referring to the conclusion made by those people, I totally get it that superior people have to behave superior-ly as oppose to minions doing the minion jobs?

Those weren't my natural words. I had to spit them in defense to false convictions made by a subordinate.

I have said it before and now i will say it again:

i will b the worst defender u can ever come across in life
i don't perform the inauguration of attacks
for i only defend by counterattacks!
and bear in mind that they will be few folds in comparison to the damage you have caused...

echoes from 1st June 2010 8:03 pm...
su-lin

there are too many possibilities out there
in addition to the unpredictable temptations that catch me at almost every corner...

is this a process of growing up being an adult?

when i was an adolescent, i experienced what many called as identity crisis
today even though i have found the answer to the crisis
but i am still confused of who i am suppose to be in life...

Emancipation...

"feel the progress of melody instead of listening to the flow of the song..."
that is trance...

have you ever feel like you were soaring?
feel that you are being surrounded by cold, chilly and still air...
however you don't feel like you are freezing...
instead you feel the warmth inside out...

i have only lived it once...
it was 3 years ago, when i was heading up the mountain of Shimla sitting with zero distance away from that very person...

whom i fight with endlessly everyday for every single thing
whom i watch before i sleep every night and wake up every morning
whom i cried to without feeling silly and dumb

he...
who loves me without knowing the boundaries of affections
who made me realize how greed will not only make me lose him but eventually lose myself...
who accepts me for who i am
who expects the least out of someone like me who is full of attitudes
who ultimately walks me through and out of the hardships of my life...

and he was also the person who held my hand, made me flushed as red as a ripen tomato and felt so hot in that negative degree Celsius, 3 years back...

he is still the person who holds my hand till this very moment, 3 years later
never thinking of letting it go...

how could i even lose my grips?
i must have been sick in the head...
very very sick...
i am glad i have untangled one huge mess within myself yesterday...
i have successfully release that burden which has been snowballing since the day expectations took over me...

little did i realize i have been shutting myself away from the world
little did i know i have stopped listening to friends around me...
little did i know i chose to walk alone and away from everyone else (him and all my close friends included...)
and i left no space for improvements
i turned ugly and full of scars...
i kept suppressing all the unhappiness in me subconsiously
gradually everything got compressed into a big chunk of heavy unmanageable feelings...
i almost got swallowed along into the nothingness, the unknown realm...

i have only two person to thank...
and i dont know how else to do so...
hence by dedicating this post to the both of you,
i hope i can convey my feelings...

to wifey and bii...
thanks for always being there.
near or far.
it means the world to me...

now that i finally come to term with myself...
i have never felt this peaceful for the longest time...

with love,
Sulin... (10:48am)

p/s: at the beginning of the post, i mentioned that i experienced that soaring feeling only once?
Today i felt it again... Priceless. =)

in the realm of emptiness...

The darkness along with the silence that surround him inside out...
He must have be really scared...
I cannot imagine how his world is like at the moment...

he used to be able to see from his right eye...
the only means of communication between him and the world...
now,
even that has been taken away from him...

i wish i could do something to help him ease this suffering...
looking at him from a few inches away...
i feel so crushed...
tears were balancing at the edges and corner of my eyes...
but i held it back
i want to be strong at least for him
i dont want my brothers to start crying too...

this is the same feelings i experienced 7 years back
when i was camping outside the CCU
hoping and praying for mama's recovery...
battling with the stages of possibility of losing someone dear...
now it is happening again...

these might be the last few moments i could spend with him...
he is struggling...
in pain, in fear,
he is probably waiting for daddy to come back from oversea...
he is fighting against his fate maybe...

why do people have to die...?

mama...
please take care of yeh yeh...
he needs the strength and consolation...

Shuey!

Since the beginning of 2010. Nothing has been going right.

Started off with losing an SE phone and purse with IC, CC, every colourful cards anyone could possibly owned. Spent 300bucks getting a new IC, 1700bucks for a new iphone and petty cash for replacement of every thing else.

Then the day i wanted to drive my car down to Melaka, car battery had to die on me. FINE!
Requested Pohhock to come over and help me jumpstart my car so i can trail behind him but the moment my brother saw his car turned into my apartment, big fat huge droplets of HEAVY rain came pouring down like some waterfall. IT WAS LIKE IN THE MOVIE! THE SUSPENSE THE CLIMAX! I WAS TOO FLABBERGSTERRED! I SWEAR I SHOUTED REAL LOUD! Twice! Once in the house and another time in the parking lot. Daddy was so nice to actually come down and help. (that is the only good thing, man i was touched. because he usually tells me to fix my own shits)
Everyone got drenched in the process of fixing my car. WHY? Because the car was parked in an open area! DARN IT!

When finally the car was successfully transported to Melaka, on the 2nd day, while the car was parked outside my house. OLAlA! The passenger side window got shattered by some incompetent grasscuter cum stones/mud-cutter. (FUCKING SEE where you aim your blades la you doofus!)

Plan to go krabi. Then had to cancel seeing so many unfortunate events happening to me. Riot somemore in Thailand! DIU!!!!!!

Last day in Melaka before holiday started, went to jusco, walked normally on the escalator up also i tripped and fell like a hippopotamus. WTF! Was wearing my shortest pants somemore. must have been a sight. a fugly sight!

Holiday started, 1st day of holiday, tripped on the invisible chain at the curve. Another elephant/hippopotamus falling stunt. Bruised my right knee, pelvic, left shin and ultimately ego. All thanks to some 2 people!

To top it all off! Yesterday night, i fucking lost my 2months old iphone in the club. On our table on our sofa.
I am still bound to the 2 years contract with maxis no matter what. The best part is, i dont have an iphone anymore! SCREW U LAH TAN SU LIN!


YAY! WHAT MORE CAN THIS FUCKY YEAR BRINGS ME?!
BRING IT ON!

DF!

i cant believe i am such a DUMB FUCK!
i think i am entitled to be fucked and fucked till i get my perianal riped!
WTF AM I THINKING?!?!?!?!??!?!?!
WHY DONT I EVER LEARNT MY LESSON!!?!?!?!?!?!
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot forgive myself. i dont even know what to feel now.
sorry. anger. hatred. loathe. regrets.

Lost a phone and a purse due to my own silliness 2months back.
NOW LOSING A FUCKING IPHONE ALSO BECAUSE OF MY DUMBFUCKNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU ARE A DUMB FUCK TAN SU -LIN!
you dont fucking deserve to live in this planet!
go pack your fucking bag and migrate to planet for dumbfucks!

wonders...

if it is possible to love two person at the same time?
*continues wondering*

i suppose one will fade off as time passes...

two days ago, i had a random conversation with shan.
we both agreed that love is just a fraction of life, and it is NOT the core of life itself as oppose to many's beliefs.

anyone can get married, start a journey together in life, produce babies like there is no tomorrow, work their buffalo's asses off to support the future family and yada.. yada.. yada... boring stuff. *yawns*

now, what interest me is, if there is a point of life when you cheat on your other half. Be it emotionally/physically. Then what?

we are not saying that this cheating element is fixed as part of the marriage plan a married couple signed up for.
however we are saying that if it arrives, it just comes tumbling down and collapses anyone's strong will, no?

whether it is acceptable in this society? i highly doubt it.
but many countries practise such polygamy gangbang shit... ROFL!
for example: maldives.
hrrmmmmm...

shan says emotional cheating is worse than physical cheats.
i reckon the other way around.

after much discussion, we finally made a conclusion saying that guys CANNOT tolerate physical cheating from the gf/spouses. *cough-ego-cough*
whereas the girls CANNOT accept emotional cheating in addition to physical cheating. LOL!

but now my question is:
possible to love two person at the same time when you are already attached?