Emancipation...

"feel the progress of melody instead of listening to the flow of the song..."
that is trance...

have you ever feel like you were soaring?
feel that you are being surrounded by cold, chilly and still air...
however you don't feel like you are freezing...
instead you feel the warmth inside out...

i have only lived it once...
it was 3 years ago, when i was heading up the mountain of Shimla sitting with zero distance away from that very person...

whom i fight with endlessly everyday for every single thing
whom i watch before i sleep every night and wake up every morning
whom i cried to without feeling silly and dumb

he...
who loves me without knowing the boundaries of affections
who made me realize how greed will not only make me lose him but eventually lose myself...
who accepts me for who i am
who expects the least out of someone like me who is full of attitudes
who ultimately walks me through and out of the hardships of my life...

and he was also the person who held my hand, made me flushed as red as a ripen tomato and felt so hot in that negative degree Celsius, 3 years back...

he is still the person who holds my hand till this very moment, 3 years later
never thinking of letting it go...

how could i even lose my grips?
i must have been sick in the head...
very very sick...
i am glad i have untangled one huge mess within myself yesterday...
i have successfully release that burden which has been snowballing since the day expectations took over me...

little did i realize i have been shutting myself away from the world
little did i know i have stopped listening to friends around me...
little did i know i chose to walk alone and away from everyone else (him and all my close friends included...)
and i left no space for improvements
i turned ugly and full of scars...
i kept suppressing all the unhappiness in me subconsiously
gradually everything got compressed into a big chunk of heavy unmanageable feelings...
i almost got swallowed along into the nothingness, the unknown realm...

i have only two person to thank...
and i dont know how else to do so...
hence by dedicating this post to the both of you,
i hope i can convey my feelings...

to wifey and bii...
thanks for always being there.
near or far.
it means the world to me...

now that i finally come to term with myself...
i have never felt this peaceful for the longest time...

with love,
Sulin... (10:48am)

p/s: at the beginning of the post, i mentioned that i experienced that soaring feeling only once?
Today i felt it again... Priceless. =)

8 days till 1095....

Why is it that after countless times of parting...
and so many years of being a part of each other...
and so many fights that have erupted...

Tears started rolling every time we say goodbye to each other?

A typical scenario of taking someone for granted, i suppose...

Walked a total of
2years 11months and 10days...
together...

8days and counting till our 3rd anniversary...

Love him!
Am going to miss his absence...

Points to improve upon:
- be independent
- go out, catch up with besties
- spend quality moments alone (NOT implying anything. tehee!)
- do things you never get around doing while he was right there
- cherish the moments of missing each other. you hardly feel it anymore after marriage. haha!
-LASTLY! CHEER UP! (p/s: it is all in the mind)

Hope i can get another round of BR tonight with my new found friends. =)
Though it is gonna be tricky without transport! *groan*

Suesie...
1:47pm
(Partly Couldy Sky + Gloomy Afternoon)

Kentang-vire

a few months back, jiahong told me that he used to have an english name.
he used to go to a Sunday school in which he learnt about Jesus and Mosses.
it was given by the parents but was never used elsewhere except for the mini autographs book we all used to sign when we were in primary 6. *laughs*

My reaction:
obviously...
"HUH? so whats your english name? "

His reply:
errrrm.... dont wana tell. you are gonna laugh. promise you wont laugh

Me:
*angel's halo appeared*

Him:
Edward.but... but but i prefer Dominique. (MUST BE ending with -que and NOT -c)

Me:
*trying hard to hold my laughter* Dominic is Perry's name. plus it sounds like that pizza Edward sounds better. EdwardLim!

*burst out laughing hard enough to squeeze out some tears*

anyways, with the hype of Twilight in the cinema lately and that cool and super yeng-ness of Edward Cullen played by the not-so-good-looking-in-real-life R. Pattison.
I decided to reveal to whoever that reads my blog about his weird childhood.

Me:
good time to intro your name
ed-o-ward-o

Him:
[9:23:57 PM] Jia Hong says: but but baby bu shi vampire.. baby shi...... kentangvire

Me:
*zonked*




Only love <3
susu (21:55)

sleep or no sleep

I had a dream...
as early as today morning...

For the past one week, i have had difficulty in sleeping... I find myself staying awake most of the night past 3am. It sucks because i get really floaty the next day.

So, same thing happened today morning. I was trying hard to sleep since 4am but ended up rolling and turning on the bed and pillow. My mind seems to be playing tricks on me.

"how dare you trick your master?!" implored i, *sweat*

It formed many images that my eyes managed to captured throughout my life and then projected back onto the back of my closed eyes when i was trying to get a friggin rest.

Instead of dozing off, i ended up smiling when sweet images reeled past... and of course a mixture of thousand and one emotions as myriad of images formed and evaporated...

*sigh...*

in short: in insomniac ok!

anyways, the purpose (there is always a purpose blogging since i am not a regular anymore)
after a certain level of hardship of attempts to fall asleep, i managed to swim to dreamland.

only for bi to visit me in the dream. HOOORAY!
but...
it wasn't a nice pleasant dream.
because he freaking left me for another girl!!!! Dumped me!

T___T sadnyerr.....

oh yes... i remember who is the girl. and the girl has boyfriend too. in which she left him as well.
i couldn't bring myself to get back at jiahong even by trying to play along with the girl's ex boyfriend. how sucky.

and then i woke up just in time to dream past the point where it explains that jiahong was being a bastard because of charm gone wrong!

so WTF! this is just dumb!

Only love <3
insomniac chicken 12.38pm

lying on my tummy (abdomen as we medical freaks call it), i can hear the seconds ticking by and the familiar mysterious throbbing thuds within my eardrum that used to annoy me alot when i was a kid trying to sleep...

yeah uhuh, it just reflects how bored i am...
Raya holiday sprinted away too fast. Baby had been here for a month and now he has left for Manipal once again.

*long sigh...*

it feels weird to blog nowadays. Probably, i have moved on, away from the blogging trend...
either im outdated, not bothered, has a new way of channeling anger aka boy friend, too busy OR too obsessed with facebook (just read an article about internet addiction in CLEO magazine, uhuh... that's me *points at self*) Even my youngest bro started blogging secretly and i found out his address by chance!

*evil laughter*

Monday is to be anticipated...
The terror of the year!

Terrorist:
MVK (a hideous professor who can be put side to side to a Chimera) is back from his long hideout. He is seen heaving a M16 and a huge bazooka with him while other armors are not recognizable.

Victim:
The white mices wearing a terror look with a splash of whitening effect on their faces carrying a holy "bibble", praying and reciting the paragraphs of the holy words in the highest hope to escape the torture and disaster!

*double long sigh....*

and i'm already missing him
*tripple long sigh...*

Only love <3

diary of missing bf...

my last post dated back to 24th of February '08
a long way back, when i was still living with my bf which i missed the most now, complaining how my life in India would finally come to an end AND enduring all the sleepless night arranging, packing, sealing and biting each others head off while packing. It's a normal thing. That is what couple do to pass time - FIGHT.

Then comes the nice part of making it up, saying sorry, doing the dovey lovey thingy which i should just save it for myself.

He then took an earlier flight home on the 29th of February.Gahh~ I mish every bits of gf-bf war and most importantly I mish HIM!

5 days later, I waved my final goodbye to the land of India. I remember taking Bubble out and was cruising along the Manipal roads one last time on the night before my flight... It was really sorrowful, yes at least to my soul. However, as the plane touches the Malaysian ground and the voice of captain was soothingly projected through the PA system of the plane welcoming me home, the feeling of elation followed short. Not because i would be seeing my grumpy ol' man daddy whom i quarreled on the phone the night in Bangalore airport but to the thought of a beginning of a new chapter of life.

I wasn't expecting to see bf in the airport. Because he previously told me he would not be in town till the end of week. To my utmost surprise and disbelief, he appeared out of nowhere from within the buzzing expectant crowds in the arrival hall. Handing me 3 beautifully bloomed big ass roses. *imaginary kiss kiss to imaginary bf* I actually didn't know how to react. One-because I was anticipating the continuation of verbal war with my dad
Two-i was too shallow with expression on how to face a surprise visit from bf in airport. *blush*

We had another pre-marital honeymoon session for one month. Of all the many crazy things we did, i will never forget how the both of us triggered his house alarm at the wee hour of morning.
>_______<
WHY? It is a story for next time.

It is time to say byebye~ *mariah carey new song sings in the background* Only 2months had passed since the day i saw him being transported down on the escalator that draw a margin of those who are going on planes and those whose job is to tear, wail, hug and slap that all-the-best mark at the back of the person leaving. No, i didn't cry of course. I am a strong woman ok! Actually I did, secretly with him after giving him our kiss that has to last for the next 5months. T_______T

Missing a person is bad enough. Missing everything you do with that person is the worst.
I have been compelled to blog and pour my heart out ever since i started class in Malacca. But only until today i managed to sit down and typed out my messy train of thoughts.
I kept myself busy or tried to be busy to distract me from drowning in the misery at least during the day. At night the situation just heartily got magnified 20x like my fellow friend new SLR camera. So clear it hits me so damn hard in my heart and shatter the protection glow i have been building all day long!!! Thfff~ Waterwork would start-stop-start-stop until my body water level reaches critical insufficient water storage level. Sigh.....

Anyways, it didn't work for the first week, and as second week arrived, i got the hang of it.

Seriously, i am so thankful that we have internet in this era. I CANNOT imagine life without this virtual communication touch. No webcam, no IM, no skype. I wouldn't wanna be writing a letter and then post it through the cooing dove service that fly across seas and against tornado then takes another eons of years to reach the other side of the world. Sumore la we are talking about reaching INDIA. Those people might just grabbed my letter and wipe their buttocks after a business in the loo. Who knows right? *shakes head*

So, we see each other. All the time. He even calls whenever, wherever and that really is super sweet OK! I know he wants to minimize the effect of long distance. And i know indirectly he is telling me he misses me all the time. I am silently glad... So glad my grins are so random sometime it carved my blank face when i think about him.

Recently. Very recent infact, say like the past few days, i have been missing him badly. So bad that created an imaginary JH. WTF~
Time is ticking so fucking slow! URGH! It has only been 2 months. I have 3 friggin months to pull myself through. OH-MY-GOD~~~~~~ How la... how la... I am deprived of a good relationship here! Do something al mighty GOD!

I am tired of blogging already. *yawns*
I need sleep. Zonked~

as i see him marched off, heading to his last battle, i just cant help feeling that agony arising from the bottom of my heart up...
and slowly, a miniature bag of tears were formed threatening to summon more of their own kinds...

i am as totally exhausted as he is. maybe a little lesser.
it wasn't a smooth 3 weeks for both of us.
i have been denying the truth that we are not going to be spending time like how we used to do so for the past 6 months...

loneliness... for a year, i am dreading
back to independence. everything isn't going to be the same anymore...
i am so used to wake him up when i can't find my bike key early in the morning
he wakes up every morning to kiss me goodbye no matter how sleepy headed he feels
coming back home from the tiring postings each day, he would joyfully awaits me with him standing on the doorway when he hears my scooter puffing a distance away
and i am going to miss the way he holds my hand warmly and hug me to sleep every night

i wished things were different. i wish...

i love you my dearest and i will miss you...

Candy Story #2

me: why are you puckering up your face? ( while smooching him)

he says: (open eyes and unpursed lips)
to get the maximum sensation from one of the senses, you got to block the rest.

me: uh-huh~ (killer stare)

he says: it is true wert?
when u wanna eavesdrop, you close your eyes and concentrate.
when you wanna detect a waft of an unknown aroma in the air, you don't open your mouth wert? ( matter-of-fact look. *eye brows jumping*)

me: (higher magnitude of killer stare and head-smack *kerrrrpowww*) =P


in another occasion...

me: S-T-U-D-Yla! tommorow test!

he says: i am wert... (while fiddling my right ear)

me: and what are you doing? (pointing at his fingers)
thought you said you gotta block the rest of the senses when you wanna concentrate in one?

he says: (show tongue)
see, in this case, it is different. When you are dealing with brains neurons, the more combo of senses employed, the better you remember! That is why reading aloud when you are studying helps you remember better.
So in this case, i can (continue disturb-disturb-disturb ear)

me: ... (speechless)

p/s: things to do when study has reached its limit - BLOG! WTF~ I am moving so slow......
Sue still hates pharmacology

Candy Story #1

i was still asleep when i heard my door squeaked.

it was definitely after 9 in the morning because bi had left for classes the last time i checked... (head still in between pillows)

with the best energy i could conjured upon my 100 mega-pounds heavy eyelids, i forced open two slits to minimize the filtration of light into my pupils...

i saw bii...
he smiled.
i reciprocated with my damn cresentic looking moon eyes.
you know like the McDonald's logo?
he kissed me. i kissed him too.
then i felt myself swimming back into dreamland... *literally*

woke up later and noticed i was alone.

Duh~ I felt strange of course. And i laughed to myself,
"It must have been a dream.A pleasant one. It is a Thursday anyways, his class wont be done till 12.30"

Anyhow, i sent him a message to confirm my confusion and heres the reply:

"Bii got class somemore ler, till 1230 today.. went back to kiss darling only"

i went WTF?
Next thing that came to my mind: it was 10 o'clock just now huh?
hehe... Priceless. Moment money can't buy...
Awww~ Schoo schweet.. and Bi, i heart you.
On the contrary, I HATE PHARMACOLOGY.
It is fucking 5 am. The Zahur musical has started echoing from a distant away...

*yawns*

He is sick

Jimmy Bear is sick sick sick.
Down with fever. Mild cough and mild weakness.
Nothing too serious but I feel horrible. T.T
So, I dragged him to the ever famous Kasturba Hospital for a blood test.

The lab attendant withdrew his blood from cephalic vein instead of median cubital vein. That means MMMC practicals are sometimes a lil bit mengada. Stresses so much on just median cubital vein. Cheh~

Will be getting result tomorrow.
His body temperature is still elevated though he claims that hes feeling healthier.

Poor fella.

I am feeling feverish too. Probably lack of water consumption and heavy dose of patho+micro+pharm.