Prison break made me broke into tears...
No apparent reason... Maybe i do. It feels so much better letting it out of my system...
I am a girl afterall... cant bear the weight on my shoulder alone...
It has been hard... Having to have my own friend to ignore you... Someone you have vow to laugh and cry together... Having another friend to treat you the way you do not wish for juz because of selfishness... juz because he doesnt know how to handle me... I FEEL HURT DUDES! I DO!!!!! I MIGHT SEEM DAMN TOUGH BUT I AM NOT! IM HOPELESS~!!! PRONY!!!! I DUNOO WHO TO GO TO... i relli do not know wat can i do... I do not want sympathy! all i want is for everything to get back to normal.... I feel so vulnerable... I feel so weak inside...
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All the things that seems to go wrong, hearing the devil speaks, feeling unwanted and unlove... Wat have i done to my life? wat is going on? I do not noe who to speak to... i dun even have credit to call shan... i dun even have anyone to confide to... Here i am sitting and tasting my own tears... Tears streaming down endlessly while i am typing... ... I cannot stop it prony! I CANOT! I think im relli mashed up inside... Ive been trying too hard fighting everythin off wif my own scrawny hands... I am not capable... I know for a fact... yet i tried....
For once, i did put up a fantastic mask...
Its not all about dat.... It is not... i think sumtin is cooking up again... Joe... then Pig... now...
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I am lost in translation.... I cannot understand myself... Wohoo.....
Right, i relli do feel better now... i do.... Thank you... prony... thank you....
Friday, March 24, 2006
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Paradox!
PARADOX!
It is not the time for me to give up yet.
Annoyance made me more annoyed! Pretence challenged me to beat u up! Ignorance is scarring my pride! Avoiding a matter by sulking at one end of the world will never help YOU overcome this shit (if at all YOU ever thought about applying a punctuation-"fullstop")! Do this for another few more days, my antidote and my repellence towards YOUR ATTITUDE will wear off in no time! And directly i will sentence you to crime of emotions you can never define!
For god sake, YOU think u are very thoughtful for telling urself u do not want to make it a huge matter???? WTF MAN!??? U BRAINLESS INSENSITIVE FELLA! Common, u are just waiting for the flourishing attentions dun you??? I DO NOT NOE HOW UR SYSTEM OR BRAIN WORKS FOR DAT MATTER! Right now, to gain satisfaction I JUZ WANNA POINT my 10 fingers at something-AT YOU! I do not know whether a friend should act this way? I am so disapointed in you! I sincerely do.... Im so tempted to blast it all off here, i am so itched to curse YOU as my fingers worked their ways fluttering above the keyboard... However, i fail to do so! I hover alot... I halt and delete when i type something i feel so inapropriate! I AM ANGRY AT MYSELF FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO DO IT!
COZ u are my friend!??? U ARE MY FRIEND AND frankly if i have a choice, i wud juz eliminate u from my life! NO! I CANT ! I NOE I CANNOT! So wat if u need time???? AT LEAST Be civilised and slap all the sentiments and the asumptions that have been haunting u at my FACE! Then i know wat i suposedly did to u! AND dat i get to voice up and defend! OR RATHER EXPLAIN! WAT GOOD DOES IT MAKE BY KEEPING IT AND GUARDING these rubbish like a treasure???? DAMN IT! DAMN U!
I AM SO DISGUSTED WITH UR DOING! I SINCERELY AM! I DO WANNA PUKE! PUKE right at you! make u taste the vomit and let u realise how bitter are the guilts i had to swallow everytime U APPEAR in front of me pulling a face so straight!! GUILT of not being able to do anything thou im ur so-called friend! and dat is also VERY DEBATABLE! OH YEAH, dat is if u still consider me as one! I am NOT GUILTY at all for i was suposedly done to U! coz if i were to measure and compare, the error u have performed by hindering this matter while BEING PRETENTIOUS had magnify something a friend can easily talk over! WHY DO I ALWAYZ HAVE TO COME ACROSS ALL SORTS of FREAKS IN THE WORLD???? OR AM I A FREAK MYSELF????
YALA! MY FREAKING FAULT for dealing with things differently. MY FAULT FOR thinking way beyond any normal human with normal level of social skill! MY FUCKING FAULT for being a freak myself. You mess with me and I shall engrave this in my soul!
How paradoxical is that? My friend is my foe! Thffffff~
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: "Thy, A freak within pool of freaks..."
Who stands out more to beat the rest of the freaks?
It is not the time for me to give up yet.
Annoyance made me more annoyed! Pretence challenged me to beat u up! Ignorance is scarring my pride! Avoiding a matter by sulking at one end of the world will never help YOU overcome this shit (if at all YOU ever thought about applying a punctuation-"fullstop")! Do this for another few more days, my antidote and my repellence towards YOUR ATTITUDE will wear off in no time! And directly i will sentence you to crime of emotions you can never define!
For god sake, YOU think u are very thoughtful for telling urself u do not want to make it a huge matter???? WTF MAN!??? U BRAINLESS INSENSITIVE FELLA! Common, u are just waiting for the flourishing attentions dun you??? I DO NOT NOE HOW UR SYSTEM OR BRAIN WORKS FOR DAT MATTER! Right now, to gain satisfaction I JUZ WANNA POINT my 10 fingers at something-AT YOU! I do not know whether a friend should act this way? I am so disapointed in you! I sincerely do.... Im so tempted to blast it all off here, i am so itched to curse YOU as my fingers worked their ways fluttering above the keyboard... However, i fail to do so! I hover alot... I halt and delete when i type something i feel so inapropriate! I AM ANGRY AT MYSELF FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO DO IT!
COZ u are my friend!??? U ARE MY FRIEND AND frankly if i have a choice, i wud juz eliminate u from my life! NO! I CANT ! I NOE I CANNOT! So wat if u need time???? AT LEAST Be civilised and slap all the sentiments and the asumptions that have been haunting u at my FACE! Then i know wat i suposedly did to u! AND dat i get to voice up and defend! OR RATHER EXPLAIN! WAT GOOD DOES IT MAKE BY KEEPING IT AND GUARDING these rubbish like a treasure???? DAMN IT! DAMN U!
I AM SO DISGUSTED WITH UR DOING! I SINCERELY AM! I DO WANNA PUKE! PUKE right at you! make u taste the vomit and let u realise how bitter are the guilts i had to swallow everytime U APPEAR in front of me pulling a face so straight!! GUILT of not being able to do anything thou im ur so-called friend! and dat is also VERY DEBATABLE! OH YEAH, dat is if u still consider me as one! I am NOT GUILTY at all for i was suposedly done to U! coz if i were to measure and compare, the error u have performed by hindering this matter while BEING PRETENTIOUS had magnify something a friend can easily talk over! WHY DO I ALWAYZ HAVE TO COME ACROSS ALL SORTS of FREAKS IN THE WORLD???? OR AM I A FREAK MYSELF????
YALA! MY FREAKING FAULT for dealing with things differently. MY FAULT FOR thinking way beyond any normal human with normal level of social skill! MY FUCKING FAULT for being a freak myself. You mess with me and I shall engrave this in my soul!
How paradoxical is that? My friend is my foe! Thffffff~
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: "Thy, A freak within pool of freaks..."
Who stands out more to beat the rest of the freaks?
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
meaningless updates
Meaningless Updates~
I have a feeling things are going to happen soon... Whether or not i like it, i am left with no choice at all but to face it like a Man... Pheww~ Surprisingly, I have lost all my interest in blogging. Wonder why...?
Juniors landed with lotsa drama already eventhough it is only the 3rd day into their date on arrival... Hoho. Well, most of them are easy-going and friendly but I've spotted a few sour grapes and bimbos around.
Holli is today. Which means there will be lotsa colours splashing around. Powder flying across each others head, foolish looking dudes and dudettes due to all the 7 colours of rainbow on us! A day to indicate the arrival of spring... A festival of colours, no im not tokin about diwali or deepavali. we will see how it will go in exactly 30 minutes from now on.
been extremely bz with orientation.... goddness... i havent even gt time for myself to bath properly!think i will basically throw myself in the pool to get rid of my odour T.T
I have a feeling things are going to happen soon... Whether or not i like it, i am left with no choice at all but to face it like a Man... Pheww~ Surprisingly, I have lost all my interest in blogging. Wonder why...?
Juniors landed with lotsa drama already eventhough it is only the 3rd day into their date on arrival... Hoho. Well, most of them are easy-going and friendly but I've spotted a few sour grapes and bimbos around.
Holli is today. Which means there will be lotsa colours splashing around. Powder flying across each others head, foolish looking dudes and dudettes due to all the 7 colours of rainbow on us! A day to indicate the arrival of spring... A festival of colours, no im not tokin about diwali or deepavali. we will see how it will go in exactly 30 minutes from now on.
been extremely bz with orientation.... goddness... i havent even gt time for myself to bath properly!think i will basically throw myself in the pool to get rid of my odour T.T
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Pool of new friends~
Pool of new Friends~
=) a smile for the butterflies and flowers i have seen...
=( a morbid sadness for the shithole im about to return to...
;') sinister grin for the many unknown riddle i have to "go-figure"
( -.-a) a sweat that represent the boiling myriad temperament i have been dealing with...
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today morning;
Tournament: Handicap match followed by serious game.
Time: 4.15am (dy was beaten)
Venue: Asia Club
Challenger: Dao Yao, Ling and Derrick Chocolate
Winner: Dr.Sexy Tan beat dy!!!!
Loser: Dr.Sexy Tan loose 2-1 to derrick~ -.-"
Sifu (master) : Ming You
Partner in crime: Melanie Kuan Lih Jiun!
Hahahahahahah... had the best night out! and i wont be doin dis india for the next 5 months... but hey, i improved alot in one night. the effort ming you put into teaching me and wifey~ i am speechless lar. so much of patience... thanks anywyaz. =)))))
sigh... things are gonna change. yes... they are... sad to say and sad to admit....
Why-oh-Why, ell-o-ell (LOLZ).... Ding Dong Bell...
Friday, February 24, 2006
Ghoul~
Ghoul~
I am gifted!
Very different from those other lovely girls!
Cuz I come in 1 in a million package!
I am:
LOUD!
IMPATIENCE!
CRAZY AS A CHIMPANZEE!
POTENTIALLY HAZARDOUS to GOOD FRIENDS!
Things that fucked me up today!
SOULESS~ I AM A Walking GHOUL~
Last but never the least... I am broken once again... A fort that was once invincible... has collapsed... (temporarily under construction again???)
I am gifted!
Very different from those other lovely girls!
Cuz I come in 1 in a million package!
I am:
LOUD!
IMPATIENCE!
CRAZY AS A CHIMPANZEE!
POTENTIALLY HAZARDOUS to GOOD FRIENDS!
Things that fucked me up today!
#JAM! JAM! JAM! to make it worse! i had to pay 3 frigging bucks and end up stoning in a stoopid unbelievably annoying JAM!
#IM SLeepy... and im bored at the same time!
#Those blog-city bastards whom have got their hands administrating that blog page deleted my blog page! I LOST ALL MY BLOGS WITHOUT EARLY NOTIFICATION!!!!!!! FUCK! IVE GOT ALL THOSE MEMORABLE ENTRIES!!!!!! But i guess... I AM FORCED TO believe everything happens for a reason... Eraser... Memoirs of Gullible Sulin...
#time tells lie~ (i wanna whack dat fella who is playing with the clock's arms!) WHY SO FAST!?????? NEXT WEEK I GOTTA fly back to india, walk up 4 flights of stairs up to my not so homely room, drag myself up to classes every morning... and sleep throughout lectures~~ T.T I can imagine myself looking remorse. slouching... smile abiding the gravity... eye bags dark enuf to turn into a bloodshoot tempe, all my bubliness drain out from me... spirit being sucked out from each pores of my skin...
SOULESS~ I AM A Walking GHOUL~
Last but never the least... I am broken once again... A fort that was once invincible... has collapsed... (temporarily under construction again???)
Saturday, February 18, 2006
-Everthing happens for a reason-
"Everything happens for a reason..."
This past 6months of growing..., the above statement has earn much of my faith for me to believe in it more and more ...
-An entry of personal opinion-
It might seemed like it was a minute ago when I last thought and questioned the ever popular question:
"where are THE kinda guys that I had always been wondering all my life?". Strictly referring to chinese guys.My 20 years of socializing, I DARE SAY all chinese guys ive met are either weighed towards the lala/ah beng type or the apek/with or without specs' nerds.... *Quadruplet sighsss....*
Let me ask u just this one question, how many chinese guys have u came across who enjoyed R&B?
Frankly speaking, it seems like forever to even DETECT ONE, let alone meeting ONE.. Almost given up thinking that those kinda guys actually exsisted. Wiped out long long time ago even before ice-aged creatures made it to the earth. Extinct for good. Oh, wait a minute... *furrows* was human even discovered in that chapter of history?
Anwyaz, thats besides the point... Let me make this clear before I sound more and more silly. I might be a lil tao kei for all I know... Like how dailou aka dao yao has always call me. A girl who hasnt seen much of the world yet assumption made that Ive seen almost enough. Hoho! Prolly the wrong-est idea Ive ever gotten.
Coz a couple of eye feasts during the break, hanging out with dailou's friend miraculously changed my opinion and had me completely taken aback! Those guys are really capable, impressive, good sense of dressing, dance like a what i considered normal and not savage man-eating chanting tribe performing ritual dance... gosh, u guys should check out how some people hit the dance floor with the rugby team-the blacks cheer dance. "kambate kambate wua tu wa" *faint...* Obviously fun to hang out with (though all the hangouts are in clubs), frigging smart-asses- graduated from aerospace, meagtronics engineering with honours..but a NO-NO NERD! One or two- charming... Simply putting it, my type. Aint guy craze right now... Just stating my victorious treasure hunting. Dont own them and will never do, but at least I found them. Lets see... if i didnt meet dy, will i ever come across these people to prove my hypothesis wrong? No. I will never know this other side of the world. Posh, charming, oh yeah-DAMN! i missed out the most important thing ever... their looks!
So, well, another experience gained. Haha, wonders of life... A chapter I will never forget...
For now Im cool and good being the way I am.
*Ne-Yo: So sick...spinning...* 6.48 am
This past 6months of growing..., the above statement has earn much of my faith for me to believe in it more and more ...
-An entry of personal opinion-
It might seemed like it was a minute ago when I last thought and questioned the ever popular question:
"where are THE kinda guys that I had always been wondering all my life?". Strictly referring to chinese guys.My 20 years of socializing, I DARE SAY all chinese guys ive met are either weighed towards the lala/ah beng type or the apek/with or without specs' nerds.... *Quadruplet sighsss....*
Let me ask u just this one question, how many chinese guys have u came across who enjoyed R&B?
Frankly speaking, it seems like forever to even DETECT ONE, let alone meeting ONE.. Almost given up thinking that those kinda guys actually exsisted. Wiped out long long time ago even before ice-aged creatures made it to the earth. Extinct for good. Oh, wait a minute... *furrows* was human even discovered in that chapter of history?
Anwyaz, thats besides the point... Let me make this clear before I sound more and more silly. I might be a lil tao kei for all I know... Like how dailou aka dao yao has always call me. A girl who hasnt seen much of the world yet assumption made that Ive seen almost enough. Hoho! Prolly the wrong-est idea Ive ever gotten.
Coz a couple of eye feasts during the break, hanging out with dailou's friend miraculously changed my opinion and had me completely taken aback! Those guys are really capable, impressive, good sense of dressing, dance like a what i considered normal and not savage man-eating chanting tribe performing ritual dance... gosh, u guys should check out how some people hit the dance floor with the rugby team-the blacks cheer dance. "kambate kambate wua tu wa" *faint...* Obviously fun to hang out with (though all the hangouts are in clubs), frigging smart-asses- graduated from aerospace, meagtronics engineering with honours..but a NO-NO NERD! One or two- charming... Simply putting it, my type. Aint guy craze right now... Just stating my victorious treasure hunting. Dont own them and will never do, but at least I found them. Lets see... if i didnt meet dy, will i ever come across these people to prove my hypothesis wrong? No. I will never know this other side of the world. Posh, charming, oh yeah-DAMN! i missed out the most important thing ever... their looks!
So, well, another experience gained. Haha, wonders of life... A chapter I will never forget...
For now Im cool and good being the way I am.
*Ne-Yo: So sick...spinning...* 6.48 am
Friday, February 17, 2006
Monday, February 13, 2006
be my valentine...
be my valentine...?
tonight... i celebrate my love for you....
it seems like a natural thing to do..
tonight... no one's gonna find us...
we'll leave the world behind us..
Come to think of it, what matters most is the fact that not being able to meet THE right guy, having feelings for THE guy who seems to have the same feelings-reciprocal or mutual electricity exchanges.... (watever you name it) To find a guy who is up to your expectations and likes you at the same time. All these, I speak for the single lingham surounding me inclusive myself...
An entry dedicated for the 20th Valentines day in which I am pretty proud to say I am single! Sometimes, I do feel pathetic (dat i have to admit) but after goin thru watever dat i wish not to be repeated... I am thankful dat I am outta it~
It aint about having someone, or a boyfriend, or a person to love you. Because... it is never the same... You feel guilty if you know you can never like the other person just the way he likes you. And to make things worst, you know secretly that you can never ever accept him in your life no matter how hard you tried... Forcing yourself into loving him or make believe that sparks will eventually happen if you concentrate strong enough...? The ultimate answer is NO! It is a huge mistake you are making... yes... A mess that will screw urs and my life upside-down and inside-out!
Sigh... I do adore a few couples who has made it through thick and thin... Against the tide and managed to stand strong... Barely a micrometres away from the declaration of "Independence", yet effort made and things got sorted out... One walking example-my dear dear pseudo couz... (hope he doesnt kill me for this...) A guy Ive known for 5 months (in which quite alot ive seen *frowns*), full of L-A-M-E jokes (yet i laff... ngam kee gua..) alot yet not too much ive learnt from him and i belif he did LEARN a few things too! DAMN U! A guy whom managed to preserved a still loving relationship with his pretty, cute, down-to-earth, hot girlfriend for almost 6 years! I really do salute the both of u.
I do hope to see more couples of that sort... Maybe, the surface looks undisturbed while there are whirwinds beneath it....but as long as both know that those will subside... the key to sucesful relationship is almost within the reach... Wat philosophy fuck am i preaching now, man! damn it!
mite be the alcohol... LOLZ! its 5 am... better hit the sack... good night... *yawnsssss*
tonight... i celebrate my love for you....
it seems like a natural thing to do..
tonight... no one's gonna find us...
we'll leave the world behind us..
Come to think of it, what matters most is the fact that not being able to meet THE right guy, having feelings for THE guy who seems to have the same feelings-reciprocal or mutual electricity exchanges.... (watever you name it) To find a guy who is up to your expectations and likes you at the same time. All these, I speak for the single lingham surounding me inclusive myself...
An entry dedicated for the 20th Valentines day in which I am pretty proud to say I am single! Sometimes, I do feel pathetic (dat i have to admit) but after goin thru watever dat i wish not to be repeated... I am thankful dat I am outta it~
It aint about having someone, or a boyfriend, or a person to love you. Because... it is never the same... You feel guilty if you know you can never like the other person just the way he likes you. And to make things worst, you know secretly that you can never ever accept him in your life no matter how hard you tried... Forcing yourself into loving him or make believe that sparks will eventually happen if you concentrate strong enough...? The ultimate answer is NO! It is a huge mistake you are making... yes... A mess that will screw urs and my life upside-down and inside-out!
Sigh... I do adore a few couples who has made it through thick and thin... Against the tide and managed to stand strong... Barely a micrometres away from the declaration of "Independence", yet effort made and things got sorted out... One walking example-my dear dear pseudo couz... (hope he doesnt kill me for this...) A guy Ive known for 5 months (in which quite alot ive seen *frowns*), full of L-A-M-E jokes (yet i laff... ngam kee gua..) alot yet not too much ive learnt from him and i belif he did LEARN a few things too! DAMN U! A guy whom managed to preserved a still loving relationship with his pretty, cute, down-to-earth, hot girlfriend for almost 6 years! I really do salute the both of u.
I do hope to see more couples of that sort... Maybe, the surface looks undisturbed while there are whirwinds beneath it....but as long as both know that those will subside... the key to sucesful relationship is almost within the reach... Wat philosophy fuck am i preaching now, man! damn it!
mite be the alcohol... LOLZ! its 5 am... better hit the sack... good night... *yawnsssss*
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