Carpe Diem...

multiple rainbows and one bright sunshine after the torrential rain...

=)

that is what i would like to describe 29th of December...

apart from it being...

very beautiful...,

and very peaceful...,

it was also a very heartfelt, genuine and sincere moment of my life...

*giggles*

definitely not the usual roller coaster rides...

there were positive absence of increasing pulses, flushes nor the occasional adrenaline rushes...

like how we usually storm through the railings with sharp intake of breath at every downhill roll!

this time,

it felt as though we were trapped in a time warp...

as if we were lying down side by side on a little dinghy...

in the middle of a moonlit lake...

hands clasped...

starring blankly into the starry night

hearing nothing but the sound of nature

as the breeze scuffled in between the leaves and as the ripples of water hit the shore...

alternating with echoes of our talks and giggles,

other times bursts of laughters ensued...

we stole glances at one another occasionally

but somehow we shy-ed ourselves away after a few seconds...

that carved a smile not only on my lips but also in my heart...

it was a few perfect moments...

that i will treasure till the last breathe of my life... =)

i cannot describe the calmness that surrounds me anymore than i can express...

the rest of the details are probably food for my soul

that resides snugly within me

to keep me safe, warm and protected...

watching the future makes me forget my past...

i feel so happy and liberated...

i see colours everywhere...

but that being said....

things like these will not last...

one day, they will leave me again...

life is a bitch

don't we all already know it damn well...?

and so, as he puts it,

"we can only pursue happiness

but we can never grasp it, hold on to it and make it ours, forever..."

i say: "Carpe diem!"

Life's surprises!

Christmas was magical...

I got what i have wished for this year... =)

*hip hip hurray*

My life just took an unexpected yet exciting detour.

*continues wondering how life is always full of surprises!*

It was suppose to be really crappy and sappy but things turned out really awesome possum.

Ambiguous feelings have been answered too!

*double hurrays!*

Yes! You can love 2 person at one time! Probably more!

After all, we have BIG hearts kan? =))

We are all blessed with that pouch of emotions which knows no boundaries!

Heart felt shout out for this week:

Who said you can't have the best of both worlds? ;)

(self) Discovery Channel

I made 2 self discoveries yesterday night!

1. I am effing mad! One fucking mad woman.

2. I turned maroon LITERALLY after drinking! Like the typical chinaboys/girls! Oh-Em-Geee! That is soooo not proud a change to be having. It might look cute to turn red but i freaking don't want it! Looks alcohol intolerable! In another word - WEAK

People who has been drinking with me would have noticed this change too! I was never like this. NEVER!!! RawR!

Now the best part about this discovery is, ONLY my tanned skin turned maroon. The strip of original fair skin looked perfectly normal. What have i done to my skin? =(((

*sigh...*

*churns churns churns*

My feelings are so volatile...!

Each passing moments, i actually feel a sharp turn of attachments towards things around me.

I only have 24 hours in a day. I used to sleep 12-14 hours previously.

Recently i can only maintain a 6-8hours sleep.

Hence, i have too much of time to kill whilst having no purpose of life. Pfffftt!

Ever wonder how it feels like stepping into a washing machine as it tumbles and spins?

Maybe, the sensation of moving at the speed of other machines might force an absolute desire to stand out as it get detached from the pile of uncertainty... FLASHING the RED warning sign.

It does sound like a cool idea getting thrown around upside down and left side right in there.

At the same time allow my brains get shaken up a bit.

Currently i feel so filthy that i need a good wash.

I want to go whirling... and whirling... and whirling... and whirling... and forget about the whole world....

Shadow of the yesteryears...

I half suspect i am going crazy...

For i tear one moment and then smile in another instance at the thoughts of making this life changing decision...

Well sulin, asylum is not so far away...

Emancipation...

I spoke about this feeling once, not so long ago...

During my study break...

It was a different definition back then...

Perhaps the same feelings...? *shrugs....*

But....,Is this truly the feeling that is attached with a different kind of soaring?

I feel lifted and free when i leave behind a comfort zone yet i know i left behind something very precious...

After all, it is this cocoon that has been providing me a safe sanctuary and also had aided me to reflect all sorts of vulnerabilities the past 4 years...

Currently...

'Future' is the missing word in my dictionary...

I feel hollow, bleak and scared within...

True enough, I have missed my old self...

Because i have been constantly and inadvertently searched for that missing piece of her in these past few years...

And honestly, relocating her makes me feel at peace...

I was under a mislead impression that people change and so do i...

Hence, i convinced myself again and again that she no longer exists,

Guessing i was wrong all these while...

Little did i know I have been yearning to merge back with her...

The me, who enjoys taking a toe-dip depth into that pool of emotions

or maybe drown herself in ripples of thoughts once in a while...

The Sulin who attends to her pouch of emotions, keeping herself in check...

I am sorry i have kept you waited so long...

I am sorry if i have torn a part you away from me..

I swear it was unintentional...

For I am back now and i will not let go of you anymore...

Shadow of my yesteryears casted upon a new torso from the new dawn...

I am glad it still fits... =)

Signing off,

serenity 10:58am

in search of herself...

Is this THE feeling when people talk about calm before the storm?

For I am feeling exceptionally tranquil at this moment...

Maybe it is the song... =)

Joseph Vincent & Jason Chen's voice serenading my thoughts...

Hold my hand is as brilliant as their last cover : Just a dream~

Been replaying their song since 2 hours ago. Hehe...

Plus, the weather is perfect...

These 2 weeks have been very emotionally exhausting weeks for me..

Too many things running through my mind.

Brain cells also hangus already i think. -.-

Sleepless nights, early awakenings...

It definitely does not sound like my normal self...

Truth is, i learnt quite a bit about my inner self...

In fact i was quite shocked when i realised how unhappy i have been inside...

How i have been lying to myself...

For the longest time, i pretended to no one but me, myself...

It was an awful feeling...

Especially if one is unaware about her ownself... sigh...

Very scary indeed...

Not very sure if i am lucky that i found myself in time looking all battered up and at the verge of losing grip...

I am guessing the time has arrived for me to take off that very mask that hid my true self...

and address the issues i have at hands...

So, I hope Christmas will be magical this year...

But a hope can only can only serve us that much...