oxymoron feelings...

sometimes you just got to allow weakness to consume you wholly in order to locate strength...


maybe that is why we all cry our heart and lungs out once in awhile...
i just went through a whole good one hour exercise of catching my breaths
a few episodes of weepings followed by a long but intermittent, apprehensive and jerky inhalation - rhythm...


*double sighs...* 
however, it does feel very good to let many things out of my system


because i realise that i am capable of subconsciously accumulating my sadness and guilt,
which tend to clog up my entire sanity channel
then almost naturally, i subdue to pretence happiness and laughters


now, what scares me most is when i myself do not even notice my sudden change of bubbly behaviour
until it is too late...
for that is when i start breaking down and tearing for what feels like eternity...


*triple sighs...*
ohhh well, i suppose that is part and parcel of life


*pause...*
ultimately i'm glad that i manage to find zen within myself after letting those incomprehensible feelings out through my tears...
i only have to remember that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, no? =)


i, sulin am turning 25 years old this year,
but i still feel like a child 
so unsure,
so fickle minded,
and so fragile i could break at any given time...


living this life, i am tiptoeing on what feels like a ground full of land mines
and any moment of wrong steps i will be blown into smithereens
the end...


*quadruplet sighs...........*


only love,
sue... 0230