R.I.P

This is madness! Worst of any Nerdy Campaign I've Opposed before! Yet here i am being the nerd!

I've never like this all my life! The whole of yesterday evening, Mountains of Physiology reference book surrounded me...pinning me hard on the ground. Sinking within definitions of Reproductive Concepts... Slept off at 2am... hoping to wake up by 3am just like sewdo! AHA! I must have been too senile to forget that I sleep like the dead! No one can wake me up, not even 10 blasting high pitch Alarm Clocks! Not even with the aid of the whole world-calling, smsing-summoning, nasty msn nudging, door-banging, skypecalling! NUTIN!

Hence, i freaked like i saw patches of shits all over my walls when i was woken up by ezyana at 6.45am! Tomoro is the sdl exam and i am still left wif TWO THICK BLLODY HUGE FAT GIGANTIC MASSIVE ENORMOUS PORTIONS of Physiology swarming around my priority list! (btw, my msn nick for the day) I felt like i was physically fucked for the first time in my LIFE! It was damn freaking ALOT k!

Marathon started at 7am all the way till 1.00om (now) - half absorbing the twisted and complicated and absorbtion and excretion and diffusion of this stupid counter current mechanism, Filtration of our damned bean shaped organs and dunno wat other shits! In between, i lose it! I got so panicked and i cudnt calm down! I was too desperate to calm myself down in order to study dat i had to pratically carry out Yoga! I was relli FREAKED out! I knew no one can ever help me dis time. Well, im feeling way much better now though i still have dis weird nauseatic feel within. But thanks to dailou... Not like he did anything but still thanks for the skype company. LOLZ. -.-

Oh btw, i skipped disection. sigh... The price I had to pay for sleeping excessively!

Tuhan and Hantu bless me! OMFG-od~ OMFG-host!

a PISSI-fying entry with mixture of fucks and damns!

a PISSI-fying entry with mixture of fucks and damns!

I fucking woke up at the wrong side of the damn bed today!
Im pissed for every single tiny minuscle insignificant sights, hearings and feelings that i cant be bothered normally!

EVERYTHING! IS PISSIFY-ING!!!!!!!
1) Screwed up split ends hair is pissing me off! looking at it now makes me wanna chop every strands down!!! or rather i wanna shave my head completely bald so i dun have to deal with it becoming dry, let alone applying the girly serum, useless nourishment oils only known to be temporary conditioner!!! FUCKING spilt ends! INDIA has lousy barber! YES! We only have pathetic barbers who use SCARY LOOKING AND GIGANTIC METAL fabric cutting scissors to snip hairsss!!!! U THINK IM MAD ENOUGH TO RISK the hair ive spent so much on??? AND the hard water is another reason my hair is turning yellow field of lalang! Hair drop syndrome! We dun have Yu nam hair care centre here damn it!!!!!!!!!

2) I HAVE been sleeping and sleeping and sleeping! while each and everyone of my fucking friends are studyingg!!!!!! WHY CANT i be a BIT LIKE DEM! DATS ALL IM ASKING! A BIT!!!!! BUT NO! I SPEND time blogging like wat im doin now! I spent 2hrs for coffee-dating!!! (which was actually nice but the guilt im feeling now is NOT NICE AT ALL!!! FUCK!!!!) Come back feeling like a cadaver and thought by sleeping early i can at least wake up a lil earlier! BUT NO! NOT ONLY I CANT WAKE UP EARLY but im fucking sleepy now!!!!!!!! DAMN IT!!!! TO HELL wif me for being a fucking sleeping extremist! Exam is soo fucking nearr!!!!! ARGHHH!!!!! Now it is batch 17's turn to savour the combo meal!!!!!

This saturday: Physio Non-Sdl (endocrine and renal physio damn fucked up!)

Next week;

-Tues: Biochem test

-Wed: Two Sdl Evaluations

-Thurs: Anat test! (fucked perineum and all the pelvic regions! testis, ovaries my arsee lar!)

-Fri: Anat spotters! (DIE! time to observe penis, clitoris, anal canal, anus and blablabla in detail!)

-Sat: Ospe for physio! ARGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3) My friends are pissing me off for not replying my msg! Ariel is so fucking damn bz i understand! but juz wanna note it here for the fun of it! Shereen and sugin must be angry at me for not staying at indira yesterday night! WATEVER! I DUN CARE! at least i had my coffee! DAMNN IT!!!!! So, here we go- NO REPLY! Happy birthday dear sugin and sugita, btw! oh, daddy too! *sigh*

4) Some unggas or birds or insects are making so much of this weird noise! FUCKED up living creatures!!! juz shadap even if u are mating or putting up a performance or concert lar! juz annoys me!!!!!

LAST but not LEAST!!!!! IM PMS-ING (POST MENSTRUAL SYNDROME!!!!) and currently undergoing NEURO-FURRY!

However, ive got one least happy thing ive discovered while walking back frm histolody lab 20 minutes back.
*furrows* Victor ACTUALLY WALKS LIKE PEI SZE!!! sudden realization lar! lOLZ! but damn cute. no wonder, his style of walking seemed soo familiar! ^-^ for dat, i sud be a lil less PISSED OFF!!!

"I think i still miss him... deep inside..."

Unclaimed confession....

Unclaimed confession....

"u still never let me see ur sad face b4"

....................
.............
........
.....

What can I say...? How do I show u...?

You will never know... while speaking to you right now... I'm beyond sad... I'm beyond vulnerable...

Because...
......................
............................
Errrmmm.....
......................
Because...

*silence*

I can never tell you... *sigh*

Even though it has been a couple of days... but you have brought me flying over the moon... Made me proudly standing on cloud nine... All u ever wanted was to see me smile...

I've never felt so comfortable in speed of light before...

You are the first person to tell me I've got laughter which held the spell to cure any heartaches...
"why doesn't it cure mine now..." My voice seems far too distant...

You tell me what I want to hear... yet u tell me what I hate to hear too...
You shower me with love I have obtained from many guys... And this time I feel different... Void... I wish I know how to differentiate...
You made me feel like a real princess not just by empty words...
You show me what is the definition of beautiful and not sexy...

My phone is ringing now... displaying your name... brightness of the blinking screen still cannot shine through the darkness moment im straying in now...

Im sorry for myself... and Im sorry for you too... We both started off with no intention whatsoever... who wud have thought we are here... today...?

I must be strong... I know I have to be no matter what...
This time it is different... I just told him to grap the opportunity... coz it onli arrives once... and once gone... there is not way catching it back... Here I am... waving goodbye to the rare strand of hope...
I feel the stab... a stab so deep... But I see no blood... I feel the agony... But I’m still alive... I cannot die...
I am not ready to let you go... And if I die... I will not see u again...

Today I learn something new...
" Sometimes... Something is near yet too far..."

Pretence... Like what HE taught me before... Actor on stage... I guess that is the best way... to preserve what we have now...


Spinning:
Nickelback
Far Away

"This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know


[CHORUS]
So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving
Hold on to me and, never let me go"

This is worse then taking my pouch of emotions out and worse then having it stomp by someone....

I almost teared when he said it... What am i to do...? How can he ask me that question...? Who am i? Who am i to have a say... especially when it is something as such...

*click. phone dead..*

See... he can make me smile just like that...

hear me out...?

it is time for me resolute and really change my behaviour on being the tidak apa sulin.
i seriously think i have a serious prob dealing with that part of myself.

the fact that ive hurt my best friends for not being able to potray my loyalty and not being able to play the best show to compensate their expectations... then, my fault it is.

now, ive lost sumone who thinks too much. and which i still cant belif he can think DAT much... i am not goin to do anything anymore... however hurtful and how im goin to miss being with the person... whether or not ive shown the love as much as i have shown to sumone else... i cant do anything anymore... coz there is no point convincing someone who will never believe u... who compares the rocks and cars? comparing two different things. how can my treatment to everyone be the same? HOW? im not robot, im not mechanical. i cant feel the same towards everyone! i cant! and obviously no one can! but, i feel the love... i love everyone... love dem in different ways... i hate chihuahua, yet i still love him... i do...

i wasnt upset at all before sleeping, now dat i have being woken up having to be "entertained" by 2 long msgs from sumone i juz got closer to and whom i think resemble sumone ive lost... that sent me straight to dead end... i cant afford to lose anyone anymore... i have so many close calls... guess i juz have to play along and be more mechanical for my whole life now... sacrifice... not being forced to... but to make others understand... and love is love and that affection is affection... both are different elements...

Goa~

GOA~ Here I come! Muahaha!

Kizzy! if u are reading this... i send my condolences...yeah~
Bububububu~ Gagagaga!

Am leaving in exactly 3 hrs from now! (^-^)V

...Inbox...

...InBoX...

Finally, Ive got something interesting or at least memorable to post...

HOR?

Pseudo couz aka Andrew Lam Wei Cheak cleared my mobile phone inbox smses... as lately as tonight...
*stab on the heart*

::the convicted! andru lam's sexy back - courtesy of random fan of andru. it seems dis pic made it to the most wanted list in manipal!" Perasan Sial~::

A total of 100++ smses with sentiments vanished without my permission! Oh no!

*horror strike*----> *colours washed off bubbly gigling face*---> *killer stare at sewdo*---> *look of guilt written all over sewdo's face, aura of remorse engulfed around him*

Damn sakit-nye... Happened before, infact twice bitten not shy~ I deleted all my messages in my inbox at edge... there goes all pigggy's msgs... The second time was carried out while I was half awake... Hit the delete button and ta-da, felt like shit when i actually woke up and came to my senses. So, yeah.. dis time no difference... Somemore, it was performed by someone other then me.... T.T messages are imporatnt especially when it comes to special occasions and from special people which brings special meaning...

Yala yala, I carry "SueMoness" tag everywhere I go. Proud of it though...

Last but not the least, the main intention of blogging this entry is to INTENTIONALLY make sewdo terasa kaukauKAU 1000000x! MUAHAHHAHAHA~ And feel bad k! So, make my day by feeling bad~

P/s: An entry ENTIRELY for entertainment and to induce the "repentful" feeling in sewdo! Destructive Hor?! *giggles*

::i should sell dis pic to batch 18 lar! sure make money! right sewdo?

:: excuse the ugly duckling look & dilapidated condition of my faithful mobile phone... afterall it has endured the wear & tear, water & heat, falling impact &carelessness cause by the owner... @.@! ::

Updates Gua~

no sense of direction again...

maybe this explains why i have not been uploading my blogpage as frequent as how i used to.

every single thing isn't significant anymore...
whether or not...
im exhilarated...
or dejected...
anguish nowadays also cannot find its way to remain bottled up in me...
the longest it lasted the last time i timed myself was 30minutes...
which is too soon for sulin...
even if i actually hyped about kevin su... (lolz), it is no big deal...

contracture of feelings.... mood swinging faster than yo-yo... im tired of being in the game... for once im wishing and hoping to be in charge of the backstage...

probably i know too much...

on another note, we cut open our cadaver's penis and testis... O.o penis is spongy oohh~ testis looks no difference like a jackfruit's seed. probably a lil bit of durian+rambutan seed lookalike too.. wonders of men's pride! our table dissector dealt with the penis like handling a burnt up banana... he inserted the forcep into the urinary opening while explaining the feature of IT. Lolz. All of us plastered expressions of disgust and agony watching with bulged eyes and gritted teeth... By the time, he slice the penis into two... all we could do was "tahan-ing" our breath.

Goa~ looking forward to return to nature... a place where 2 elements meet...beach is the only place where the immensity of sea merge with the never-ending sky in one thin horizontal line... Breeze... a remedy of heartache... let the air filter ur sadness, gone with the wind... Sea vapour... a whiff of inspiration... i need not do anything more, juz standing at one side of beach anticipating sprinkles of ocean on my face---> priceless....

a reply to cloud....

no, she is not upset.... neither is she disappointed... really...she comes to understand that life isn't about dat always... it used to be, not anymore now...it comes to a point where she just have to lay back and observe what she has gone through... and what made her the her today....
P/s: plus they got rid of "the geng" it is a celebration u noe... =)

It is a blessing if she gets it, if not, she was very close... and that should be something to be proud of...

Im sure she is happy u love those songs... they are beautiful... people who can appreciate music will noe how beautiful are those... but for someone to feel the song... only u can do it. Infact she found a few good clubbing songs! Hoho! She said arigato! ^-^ and it was freaking 100++ songs. She had to listen one by one to filter the rest.

Simplicity is only the superficial layer... nothing is easy... right? and now that you are dealing with something as divine as love... of coz it is one of the hardest task... let it go... freed it... never retreat because that is giving up... in turn, tell urself... to plot another plan... plan for urself to win urself... and not win her...

everyone wish to be someone else... true... human is greedy... everyone is... and it needs a huge understanding to combat that within urself... the day u start loving yourself.. is the day... u have found the eternal victory... (Who needs politics and controls now?) Why do we want to control others when we cannot even manage to control something as close as ourselves...?

About ur image, about mouthing, about comments... those are parts of life... people tend to talk, but it will subside... why look at everything from a sad view..? it might be a compliment after all... that is why... everything evolves between the heart and mind...
Last but not the least... do not hide... rain will somehow arrive one day... and if it never rain..., when will there ever be shinning sun again...? So, why want to wait stupidly for downfall? Get ready. U oredi noe it is coming, aite? In Malay saying, sediakan payung sebelum hujan... *winks*

sunshine~

have to encounter it again...
im sick of everything....
im tired of living... (LOLZ, kidding..)

today, i feel the ripples of serenity as well as waves of numbness....
a week back, it was raging volcano...
followed up by heavy pouch of dark clouds full of holy water... a pin-prick will send gush of waters down...
sky so dark and motionless, as if the universe if mourning for me... (alas..., india's weather isnt kind enough to switch itself to adapt to my mood....)

sometimes i wish i cud be the 3rd person whom is able to tell my loved ones how much sulin loves them... and thus do not hurt her... sigh... i know i can never....

sometimes... simplicity carries a vast underlying code... codes not any smartass or observants will be able to decipher... but it takes someone who feels to do so~

who said india is sucky?

found a cool feature in my camera-sepia effect (cool ok, i noe im jakun! bluek~) btw, i look good eh in dis pic. of coz not forgetting the other two on either side of me.








breathtaking view~ a nice photograph has to be taken by a professional photograher...

mel, susu,

enghan,

wei hao

(left-2-right)

~Us~

beach boys and gurls~ poser sial~

and..... Finally me! aHahahahaha~

Love

both

these

shots

my hard effort~ a first-timer. quite good piece! *winks*

updates....

-mixture of emotions-

usual lar tu...

#1 im pretty annoyed at twisted manequins for leaving a comment as worthless as rubbish. u got a prob wif my grammar? or isit grammer eh? lick ur arse dudette! damn bitch! I noe lar my eng proficiency aint as superb as u! so? my wish to blog entries with corrupted english. and my wish to express my Suemoness here! not like u own the blog service. even if u did, i wudnt give 2 shits. bluek~ buat kecoh je. dahlah spelling salah, nak bising ngan aku punya grammar. belah lah ko! jahanam babi sial. twisted mannequin... BAH~ how random can u be? think i dunno who the hell are u?? childish.

#2 min didi april fooled me! ARGH! he and his emo shit! gf broke up wif him konon. i trusted him and i was so worried. pheww~ didnt strike me he will even tricked me via msn. notty notty brat! thus, im his first victim. omg~

#3 shan called not long ago.... shes high.. and whenever shes high, she loves smsing me and telling me how much she loves me... lolz. and she did it again. made me so touched... sigh... i miss u too... and thanks for the endless and far-distance support on my singing... and thanks for everything else... u are one of the best thing that has happned in my life.... love u loads too...

#4 trip to Mangalore wif dis bunch of new friends proved to be cool. ^-^ V

#5 yesterday night, terror overwhelmed Sharadha Hostel. A bomb was planted at sharp 2am working hand-in-hand with my partner in crime and in exactly 12minutes, explosion took place. It was a succesful mission for us, the first time bombers... However the effect of the tremors created was too mild and future plan is still under consideration.




:: Simple yet destructive! BOOM!:: ChuBee Bomb!