me & you

eventhough it was not more than 1minute before we said goodbye,
i am already missing you...

this is just another holiday for the both of us
back into the lives of when we were both still singles
doing stuff just like what we used to do alone

but these times, they are just not the same
because
it does not feel the same doing things when you are not around...

it is not as if we have never parted before
but, yes... i am already missing you...

it is because
every time you walk away,
you take along that flourish presence that fills my heart with joy and laughter
as if you have taken away a part of myself...
which is you...

every time you walk away
and i made my away opposite yours,
my heart goes all wrenching with aches
and tears starts stinging my eyes
i blink
and they make their way down trickling over my cheeks

for that
i know i truly love you...

we fight so much (claims you)
but i swear
i cherish every single moments being with you
be it laughters or angers
i do not care
because i know when you are not standing right in front of my eyes anymore
i will start searching for you...

the same person whom i fight with
the very same person i throw mean words upon
will immediately become the person i want to be next with!

the essence of life?
what say you?
which reflects the ultimate meaning of living
nothing touch our core better than feelings...
and only feelings can etch something we call as memories...

so my dear silly boy
i hope you do not take fights and arguments as a negative turns
for i can tell you those things are the ones that bind us even close together!

AND I MISS YOU! =(

Only love <3
Lingdear
9:16am
17th Oct 2009

music as time machine

tonight, i listened to songs that brought me down memory lane...
songs which are etched within me
being apart of my past

as the songs moves one by one down the playlist,
all i hear is the sound of the yesteryears...

it is as if you are transferred back to past
a music as powerful as time machine

as i snapped myself out of the transfixed state,
images of people who walk into and out of my life flips so fast into the darkness
back into the memory storage

alot of things change
if only we can stay stagnant and see from that perception,
then everyone will learn how to appreciate MOMENTS more than MEMORIES

they call it nostalgic
i agree =)
these are food for souls

Only love <3
susu
2:04am

Knock Me Down...

Sometimes love comes around...
and it knocks you down...
Just get back up
When it knocks you down...

we have grown apart
for the longest time in my longest relationship...
we have been distant yet we are so near physically
(yes, it hurts but in a way that i never realized..
while it gnaws me subc0nciously..., i was actually fixing the wrong thing...)

a lesson i had to learn
through a painful way but nevertheless memorable and unforgettable
that feelings are everything in maintaining a great relationship..

we are different,
in so many ways yet so little ways
and when two very different individuals' paths come to a cross road
it is very perplexing how they decided, managed and traveled the same journey together
or how they entwined hands, walked that same parallel path and stayed next to each other no matter what happened
=)

this is when i learnt what love is...
a powerful word yet misused commonly
for love is not just doing everything together, thinking of each other, merely holding each other hands or making hot sizzling love...

but it involves that ultimate level of intimacy...
(no, i am NOT talking about bedtime activities)
also accepting each other differences in ways that no one can ever comprehend
and longing for each other in that implicit and unexpressed fashion

that when you look into each other's eyes
you see for yourself that love lies within the stare
and is written all over in the other person's eyes

when love is conveyed in an unspoken manner
you know that you have both reached that dream destination

today i had a wake up call
from the recession i have been drowning in

i am glad because now i know...
sometimes love comes around,
it knocked us down
as we fell in the pit of love
then we soared together back to the surface

but then it knocked me down again as time passes by
this time i went down alone
and i lost myself and him...

luckily,
i got back up,
as he held his hand to me and pulled me up
closer to him
i brushed my knees and bums
clasped my hand into his
and we continue walking

You wont see it coming when it happens
but when it happens you are gonna feel it,
let me tell you now
you see it when love knocks you down...



i truly love you baby
and i will never let you go...
thanks for taking my breathe away
and taking me through a roller coaster ride of my life!!!

with this, i dedicate this song to you and me!



With love <3
5:16am
Dr.SexyTan
(will edit some typos and grammars tommorow.. *yawns*)

life recession?

I have been feeling emotionally disorientated lately
Not a good feeling, i must say...
It has been stalking me wherever i go
Even into my sleep sometimes..

Frankly, I do not know what i have become or,
what i have to expect and least expect in life
It cannot get anymore complicated
As i battle with my own thoughts
Only the unhappy thoughts triumphed

I feel distant again with everyone
including him
is this some kind of a life recession period?
that i get every now and then?

Probably i just need some time alone
maybe a personal space with just me and myself...

It is not easy
But I know he will make it easier for me
as he always does...


Only love <3

a Recap

my 7th semester ended quite fashionably...
*pose for the camera* PERIOD!

right! of course i wasn't referring to that kind of fashion.
a lot has happened. at least, in my scope of brain capacity.

Community medicine posting lasted for 2 months.
everyone knows it the bestest posting of the entire medicine course.
why? here are the reasons:

1. we just sat in the AC lecture hall freezing ourselves to ice cubes. also freezed our brains, the cells and the transmissions making all of us vulnerable to sleep.

2. classes timing switched place with eat.mousehunt.sleep.fishwrangle.shit.ghosttrapper.

3. we said goodbye to the white coat cum yellow coat. no odour, no sweat.

4. made a pac with myself to indulge in some beneficial activities like reading fictions and watch as many movies and series as my eye sight could handle.
but in the end, i only managed 2 seasons of Gossip Girl (anyone who hasn't watched, please do so because it is the sin of century if you haven't)
I became a fanatic of GG.

XOXO

Then, came the sessionals for surgery and com.med. YAY!
Allocated very few hours of studying because i was very much busy catching up in Mouse hunting, reading forums, harped on the cheapest SuperBries cheeses i could get my hand onto! *double YAY*

result of MH: i overtook JoonKeat! and im in the newest area with my newest trap!

result for com.med: 70%. not bad for my effort! =))

surgery is going to be a bit tough to predict. i leave it to the magical and tedious hands of VENA KARANTH!

28th of February, denotes the day of freedom for batch 17.
it is as though we were all released from the "kandang"
and we were running wild!

Alicia held a great birthday party in A Famosa.
was late to the party as usual.
beers, whiskies, vodkas and the birhtdaycake-i-dont-remember-how-it-tastes-like were the 'alas perut' for the day's dinner.

guess what? party ended by 2am. hrrmmm... a tad too early for the international standard of party.

where was i? right. i locked myself in a room only to wake up 1020am the next morning.
how? sashi knocked the door of the room i was sleeping in for the say.... 9183748626278287374653 times

first thought?
HOLYSHITOMFGCHIALATLONGPIAK! its 1020!!! bibit landed at 7am!

second thought?
how do i look? *peak into the mirror and FREAKED*
to my horror my hair was as if they were gel-ed up and standing in all directions!
exactly the picture kailash used to display in his blog once upon a time. this:


p/s: i think i puked on myself or my hair. but i don't remember shit about puking. *glad for that because puking sensation sucks*

third thought?
how now? T______T
i couldnt keep track on how many things that ran through my mind.
but i was freaking and inadvertently directing sashi for towels and alicia for something else.
sorry =(
i showered (mandi kerbau they call it) and sashi passed me a bed sheet to wipe myself dry. Ewwww~

called bibit and i broke down. i did it again. stupidity of drinking.

enghan was an angel and am very grateful that he entrusted me to his nissan super car when i was in that still-tipsy condition.

result: i flew to KLIA, at 200-220km/h.
3 things dominating my thoughts, awareness and visions throughout the fast track on the highway.

1. i am driving enghan's car. he will be murdered psychologically by his parents if anything happened to me and the car

2. i have disappointed bit by getting wasted and abandoned him in the airport for 4 frigging hours! (any human who can tolerate me is seriously superb. that's why i love him unconditionally. for he loves me that much as well.... sigh.... *smack own head triple times*)

-______-!!!

so, if anything happened to me and the car, he will murder me second time, if i was dead by the time he sees me. if not, he would murder me psychologically too.

3. i am halfway a doctor. The liability is too absurd for my death. i carry within me, knowledge and practice at the price of RM200k. so dad will murder me second time as well.

Reached the airport arrival hall in one piece, parked the car aside, rushed out, hugged bibit to bits... and pulled back after a few seconds as i was aware that i stinked. O.o

He wasn't angry, neither did he say a word about me abandoning him. Instead, he asked how was i feeling... I was fine physically, but i knew the guilt that has already haunt me and eaten me up. I knew how disappointed he was... I am sorry, and i know sorry isn't enough to make up for my mistake this time.

so there, the fashionable sulin, who arrives fashionably late at every functions. This time ends her royal affairs being so unprofessional and a disappointment.....
way to go~ *smacks own head the 4th time*


Only love <3
SxydeviL 12:17am

FUDGE OFF!

just who do you think you are? some big shot? some superstar?
fart tart! i don't care if you do not care anymore.

chillax la. acting like a kitten! *meow*

so you think i am gonna swallow your shit? and tolerate you attitude?
GIMME A BREAK and bugger off man!

in case you are reading this, i ain't gonna see u.
H-A-P-P-Y? sure you are!

Happy 21st Monthiversary...

a walk of lifetime with noone but you,
fingers entwined and souls engaged....,
forming a silhoutte of love...

Happy 21st Monthiversary...

Only love <3

If i were a boy...

"....If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts..."

~Beyonce '08~

i swear i will be a better man...

i would listen to her...
i would purse my lips and shut my mouth!
i would put my ears before my tongue!
because i know how it hurts...
to blabber things without thinking,
at a girl (or anyone else in that matter)

i would learn to respect a girl
before i expect her to do so
i would be thoughtful in conversation
i would be tactful in debating with her
put reasons forward
instead of defending for the sake of winning
just because i have my testosterone to be blamed

if i were a boy
i would not be so obsessed with my own ego
nor would i thrash theirs
i would be a gentleman and treat them like another gentlewoman
i would not segregate
but treat them just like one of us

if i were a boy
i would not discriminate the black skins
and think so proudly of my own bleach white fairness
which can beat the splashes of a ghost shivery whitish aura
because she knows you are as black as a soot inside
neither would i boast about how i should have further my study in western countries instead of the land of Ghandi

if i were a boy,
i would not talk about how i am better then my girlfriends' boyfriend
on how i am bigger
on how i am taller
on how i am better in that sports
on how i am smarter
on how i am like a so-called all rounder
because youth wears off and so do brain neurons

the best comparison i have ever heard was : i dump my gf at home and she wont make a sound but you are so sticky

if i were a boy
i would not show off
nor boast about what i did for my other half
nor compete with other guy on being the best boyfriend material
nor tell ALL my friends what i did over the weekends (intentionally)
!PERIOD!
nor announce publicly to my friends how expensive my anniversary gifts were to my girlfriend
nor bringing up the same repetitive statements about my girlfriends reactions when she sees the diamond
nor share my sex stories on bed to my other guy friends
making it jokes of the year
neither would i ask silly questions that will 'fortunately' lead back on to conversations about me, myself and i
(beams! beams! beams! i hope the gigantic spotlight falls down on his head, crack his skull and he suffers from amnesia, forgetting he ever has a girlfriend and that he was ever a MAN and thinks he is a WOMAN now!!!)

also because i know my girlfriend is not an auction item for people to place bids upon
i would be very sneaky
and do what people least expect of me
i would surprise her and the rest of the girls
and let the verdict be enormously unexpected

if i were a boy
i would not talk about girls wearing push up bras
or injecting hormones
or doing implants
or their sagging boobs
or the wobbly big wide buffalo buttocks
the way they walk
the way they act
because i know everyone has different physique
and it is the heart that matters most
AND MORE SO IF I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND whom others can also degrade and spit comments on

(PUIK PUIK PUIK! think whether your frigging gf is Miss World's Standard first or not-la before talking bad about other girls!!!)
-disclaimer: face and looks discussion can be excusedla-

if i were a boy
i would not degrade girls
and think they are weaker then men
and feel like the most superior human in the whole universe
think that everyone else especially the girls and including my own man-kind are childish
that i'm the MOST matured of them all
then tell about how girls only like to whine, PMS, mood swing, and be materialistic

if i were a boy
i would never ever be a hypocrite
lansi! comment on people's attitude when my own attitude is just as shitty

if i were a boy....
i would be like my beloved him
or like that guy friend who stood by me through thick and thin (most of the time only ler actually)...
because they know how their girlfriend and girlfriends would feel...

and i can never be more proud for the both of you *SMILES*

"...But you're just a boy
You don’t understand (yea you don’t understand)
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you’ll wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts..."

and as a girl, I am very extremely seriously pissed!
pained, hurt, heartfelt, annoyed, angered

*sigh*

and said siva: if i were a boy, you'd be one pretty looking boy
and to esther if u are reading this... there you go, if i were a boy...

on a lighter note,
if i were a boy,
1. i would know how it feels like being on top of a girl (my reply to my own Supremo question one year ago on stage in front of my dearest MMMC dean)
2. i would get a girlfriend just like ME!

T________T

only love <3
Me, Myself and I