Journey rekindled

I have forgotten the feeling of how reading books can imbue all the neurons and sensories i never knew i once had. 

I could giggle to myself into teary eyes from the paraphrasing and simple yet powerful imagination. Some parts left me laughing out loud uncontrollably. 

I now remember books have the ability to unlock that compelling satisfaction and it is addictive when you start one after another. 

Sophie kinsella has always been one of my favourite author. Her ability to tap on character’s head in her book is what strike me as raw and genuine.  I also love how her writing incorporate disclosures and afterthoughts (side voice from the mind) pretty much like mine. I find that similarity so uncanny. 

That is - My not so perfect life :) 

Then there is this book that left me crying buckets. It hit the exact spot and activated a stream of tears as my thoughts traversed back into the abyss of unpleasant memory storage. I revisited my first encounter of death of a very close family - my grandmother. I ended up with swollen eyes and sobbing spells. 

That is - When life became breathe. 😢

Last book i read was factfulness. It was such an eye opening book. I never realised how I was part of a systemic human judgement until i complete this. This book debunks misconceptions and tears down the very dramatic worldview I once believed in. 

He left us this book for us to constantly check on our skewed and nasty human tendency to judge. Also a doctor who has dedicated his whole life in public health, research and absolutely committed to help his fellow human being to understand the inevitable change and steady uphill progress of the world. 

I took longer to complete this book because i was carefully immersing myself into every global details, data, statistics, graphs and explanations. Thank you Dr. Hans Rosling for this book. Wish he was still around to comb through the world today in covid era and hear his impartial view of the current situation. 

I did not realise i have inadvertently picked 3 different genres of book for my project last month. Fictional (light and hilarious), non fictional (knowledge), fictional (biodata of a dying neurosurgeon). 

Reading has also revoked my love (desire) to journal or what many of us call blog. 🙃 

Signing of, 

Ripples of serenity... 

Compelled

It took me exactly 2 attempts on 2 seperate days to complete Once upon a time in hollywood.

I have heard enough about the repertoire of Quentin tarantino as a director but admittedly i havent watched any of his masterpieces. Not even his recent few - django unchained and inglorius basterds.

So, while taking into consideration horrible reviews from many fellow movie connoisseur, I reminded myself to embrace this movie with an open mind.
(Afterall Leo is acting, how bad can that be?)

Unfortunately it was’t as easy as i thought. 10mins into the movie, i found myself feeling unattracted to the storyline. Thus I abandoned the plan to continue watching it few days back.

Today i put the movie on again, and 30minutes into the movie, i still failed to connect with the movie. I found myself distracted with the phone and chocolates.

Heck, i was watching only for the sake of wanting to check the movie off my list once and for all. I felt lost and uninspired like how the rest of leo’s movies would have made me feel halfway through.
I perservered. It finished the movie after 6 hours. 😅

(Without a doubt, Leo is an excellent actor)

To be extremely honest, i only enjoyed the last 10minutes of the movie. Because it was filled with actions and it felt less monotonous.

Movie ended, i was left baffled and unsettled. Me being me, I googled the meaning behind this masterpiece and i learnt about the horrifying murder of Sharon Tate in august 1969 by the manson family.

Now all i can say is - “Fuckin’ hell. QT is a genius”

Pandemics of Covid -19

Malaysians definition of restricted movement control order : 

1. Panic buying > queue for hours at cashier in the supermarket 

2. Lining up outside police station when PDRM announce that interstate travelling requires application

3. Balik fucking kampung to spread the virus to their frail parents, grandparents and at the same time diffusing the virus concentration in the city to countrysides thus zero containment! 

*slowclaps* lim bu give you all one like 

Malaysia boleh! Always infamous for the wrong reason! Number 1 most obese country in SEA. 

Now number 1 in the total number of covid 19 cases (highest surge per day too! 100-150% increment) 

Not forgetting all the cases that stem from the initial religious, travel matta fair, fishing competition gatherings!!! 

What da fook are you guys smoking? 

Already 2 mortalities. Does everyone want to aim for the highest death rate in SEA too now? 

#sipekstress #2mortalities

Belieber!

10 years ago, the world was “blessed” with..

And I was like baby, baby, baby oh
Like baby, baby, baby no
Like baby, baby, baby oh
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)

10 years later, JB did it again with...

Yeah, you got that yummy, yum
That yummy, yum
That yummy, yummy...

Both cause the same auditory and psychological effect. You either hate it to the core (yet you secretly hum to it) or you are a staunch BELIEBER while spreading his annoying song everywhere.

MJ must be turning in his grave 🙄

I wonder what is in store the next 10 years for us human! So bloody looking forward!

Bangkok expedition

One of the best customer service ever! Without a doubt i would rate it a 6 stars!

Found a write up about this shop and i was determined to try it. I set out alone to Bang Khun Non district hunting for this. Grab car dropped me quite a distance away from the actual location while time was running out! I frantically marched along the street like a mad hangry person while stopping passerby to ask where exactly is the shop. Communicating in English and getting reply in Thai! *pulls hair off scalp* Took me some time before i got to the place. Alas, by the time i found the shop, the shop grill was halfway down and they are closed for the day. Told me to come back tomorrow! I was so bummed for failing to try it myself after travelling 20mins out of the city centre!

However, after much persuasion, the owners took pity of me and cooked up the basic tomyam noodles with whatever meatballs and pork paste left 😭 #forevergrateful

Tewli and the chef are super friendly and they even gave me a complimentary lemongrass homemade juice for free. Tomyam is exactly the right note of spiciness i expected and it is authentic! Do take note that their original soup is made out of soy milk!

Will most definitely come back to this place the next round i come to bangkok!

This shop is tucked right in the middle of Bang Khun Non street. Look out for street no 7 which is opposite no 4.

Perks of solo travelling. :)

When they see us

“When they see us”
Rating : 10/10
Finished the mini series in one night. So disheartening that these minors were taken away from the society and life at their prime tender age as teenagers.

Also because wrong conviction always happen, this is one of the reason why death penalty should be repealed. It happens.

Sad to say, 41 million USD cannot buy back the time lost in imprisonment due to wrong conviction. We are talking about a timeline of 6-14 years robbed from you at the age of 15yrs old. #cruel

Primary Healthcare

Im not done with primary healthcare always being at the lowest of the food chain. Primary healthcare in malaysia is being treated like an isolated department which deals with useless cases. Instead of structural integration of primary healthcare as part of the healthcare system, Primary healthcare doctors are always labelled as doctor tekak and mc.

Everyone keep saying emergency department is being misused, abused and flooded by non emergency cases. What is done to change that? Nothing.

Imagine the workload reduction for doctors, specialists, consultants in tertiary centre if we are able to manage 80% of chronic diseases like diabetes, hypertension, cholesterol, astha, thyroid without letting it slip into their absolutely horrendous side effect counterparts?

Infact primary healthcare physician job is to educate on chronic diseases and bring awareness of medical war ie obesity, anti vaccination, unwanted pregnancy, diabetes and high blood complications, correct the myth of misinterpretion about how taking multiple medicine can lead to dialysis and kidney failure. We have the power to educate on contraceptions usage and monitor blood sugar and blood pressure efficiently at any given days. We are the first barrier to healthcare.

Another topic to discuss next day.
Kk and gp. Should have worked hand in hand. But there are still misconception about kk ubat is more power than gp’s ubat. Padahal same ubat.

Why because many doctors going into gps wanna earn fast money from medicine. Gp undercuting one another. Chain Gp is now a business instead of healthcare service. Majority Gps have lost touch of the golden family ties. Nada. Nil. Zero.

Many Gps have not lived by the dictum “prevention is better than cure” coz money seems the best unfortunately.

Also, what do we get most of the time? Being looked down upon and verbally abused by hospital doctors. Being labelled doctor tekak and doctor mc. And the list goes on and on and on and on. 🥶

Lastly, to all my friends and public strangers, i will not be nice anymore next time you ask me this:

What do u do?
Im a doctor.
So What do u specialise in?
Im a family doctor ie Gp.
Oh doctor dont wanna specialise?

OR

Doctor are you in aesthetic?

Like no. *shoot! Bazooka! Laser! Headhsot!
I love what im doing. Im a primary healthcare doctor who deals with everything under the sun. I vouch to be the first contact for u and your family. To ask for advice. To speak to confidentially about your unprotected sex, about how your life is driving you nuts ie depression, about stupid issues that you cant seem to shake off ie anxiety/ocd, to discuss on effectiveness of managements, cheaper costs of management.

Wtf. Just because you guys cant google ligitation management or law pointers, u all bully the profession who studied freaking 5yrs in medicine.

Imagine going to a lawyer and then demand for a consultation. Then complain why so expensive wan!

That asides, big business in chain clinics are paying peanuts for locum. Rm 35-40 per hour! How cheap. And junior doctors and many still get cheated. TBH we deserve it because many of us whore ourselves. And of course the supply is way more than demand.

Let me reiterate:
Our worth is not rm 40/ hour.
Oud worth is not consultation of rm5-15/patient.
Then want to cry when pharmacist fight for dispensing seperation!

People really underestimate the importance of primary healthcare. Maybe because of some nila, rosak susu sebelanga. Hospital green zone should shut off urti, dandruff but we cant. Everything is so bloody messed up.

Whatever la. I will advocate what and who i can.
As comparison to other first world countries, primary healthcare importance in my desr country has a a big contrasting effort.

 #riphealthcare END OF RANTING.

Amoi Banana

900million - 1.1 billion MYR were the estimated “donations” received and were kept in a person’s home! Wadafuckinfuck was that???

And everyone was jumping and parroting into the dUMbNO’s tempurung of constitution and kedaulataan negara and race base politics when LGE’s announcement in Mandarin shook the country’s so called sovereignty. That too after the initial announcement was in Bahasa Malaysia and English. Ladies and gentlemen, Mandarin is not racist but the hooman and people are.

Alot of my Malay and Indian friends are sending their kids to Mandarin school.

Why? Because Mandarin is an art to master. It is often spoken and a widely used language in the world and in asia.

Why i am for mandarin?
I am a #Banana. For those who dont know me iz a banana - i look like chinese, sometimes sound like one (mostly indianized), has sepet eyes BUT i cant read and write in mandarin.

It is tough. It is challenging. It is disheartening and demoralizing at times when i cannot communicate to my patients the original crux of my management or persuading/advising in full parallel understanding of my knowledge. Mostly, im worried what i try to imply were lost in translation.

I cant sing any Jay chou or Lee hom’s song without being laughed at my incorrect pronunciation. But i still do it anyways la. Whatever 🙄

I picked up Mandarin over my years of clinical practice because i find it practical and it amazes me how languages connect hooman. Working on strengthening my canton pop at the same time too thanks to my crazy talkative colleague.

I speak good bahasa malaysia with strong malay slang so much so, that many of my patients ask me if im a Malay root amoi. Because it is important i speak the same language when i see and converse to people of the same ethnicity.

I tried communicating with saudi arabians in arabic  and bangladeshis/indian nationals in hindi when i consult them for lengthy medical issues hoping they will get what my sincere concern of their health are. Using google translate of course.

Heck if i was in sabah or sarawak i would learn their languages too. Because people tend to open up and feel comfortable to another hooman when they feel connected in language. And oh not forgetting through food and sports too.

We just need to get the message across as true and as clear as possible.

My point is, LGE translating in Mandarin after announcing it in Bahasa malaysia and English are excellent. Im sure he would love to do it in as many languages as possible if he could.

Im also damn sure if given a chance, tun M would like to learn mandarin and probably announce in mandarin as well. Imagine if Kj and syed sadiq starts speaking and translating their announcement in mandarin to reach the older aunties and uncles?

More heartwarming. More inclusiveness.

Next aim for tamil ok? #serepebinjirom

#sobengang #bengapalsoada #bengong #kanasai

#ramaimudahtersentak4nogoddamnreasonwhentheactualkleptocratandhisbloodywifeisstilllivingaluxurylife

Signing off,
Amoi cina terakhir.

Depression Part 2

Many are shocked that celebrities are taking their own lives. Guess what? That is the tip of suicidal iceberg.

You hear about them because they are famous. There are millions more you are not aware because they are your usual next door neighbour you say hi and by to, your intimidating handsome senior, your ever happy go lucky colleague, your forever talkative cousins, your loving sweet sisters, and the list goes on... This is as real as it gets. It is treatable. Stigma kills because they convince themselves they can handle themselves because society puts a label on them once they seek professional help.

Depression Part 1 (Kate Spade)

Depression is deadly. It is so real and unreal at the same time that society takes it too lightly. Mental illness is going to be our latest version of heart attack in the next 10years. It will hit anyone at any age. I hope and im advocating for us to realise that it can be treated/ kept under controlled just like the usual high blood pressure, diabetes, hyper/hypothyroid etc. 

We wake up to news of successful people ending their lives. And we ask why? Common argument would be: While many are struggling to make ends meet, we question why people who are richer, prettier, physically better has too much on their plate that they have to succumb to death. 

We label them as spoilt. Mentally weak. Useless. 

But are they? 

Look around, people who are depressed appear happy, smily, bubbly, smart and heck even popular amongst their peer and in society. They too ace in pretending. They wear perfect mask. Behind that flawless make up and bold lipstick, lies a soul like an empty shell. 

B.R.O.K.E.N 

Age and life’s downfall catches up with everyone one fine day. Misery looms above as though a moody cloud constantly hangs above our head. 

Unusual discontenment. 

Life greatest oxymoron. 

Subzero self-peace. 

Haunting nightmares. 

Ridiculous goals. 

All. Upon. Themselves. 

Then it only takes one moment to cave in. 

Constantly being pulled into the abyss of mind complexes like a black hole. 

These people ace in hiding their disease. They can debate and beat you in all the 100 reasons why so-and-so happens. 

RIP Kate Spade. 😔

Hope joing your other peaceful mate- Avicii, Chester, Robin Williams.

#imwatching13reasonswhy

Football broadcasting

So everyone tengah pungpangpungpang bab broadcasting of world cup. Rm 40million is a waste of money? Isit?

Right, just last week, rm133million was found stashed in Najis’s house. Rumah sorang je okay.

Ini untuk anak2 malaysia of the whole nation yang gila bola spend rm40million is considered what? Thats right, it is 1/3rd of the money found in someone’s house. I repeat cash found in a house!

For those who has forgotten what its like, watch the movie : Ola Bola. Feel the semangat kesukanan yang telah dilupai ramai. Why? Because ever since Astro monopoly our satelite TV for the longest time, only orang privileged yang boleh watch international games. Tak kisah lah boxing pacquio vs mayweather, world cup, epl, other non lcw badminton games, etc etc

Kasi la chance for budak2 kampung, orang asli yanf ada tv but no astro to tengok bola.

Budak2 zaman sekarang semua macam i, keyboard warrior, economy, infrastructure analyist  on fb. Tak turun padang, tak main football, sebab tak minat, sebab tak tonton game game exciting, macam mana nak groom another ronaldo, ronaldinho 😂 #iamakakibangku #doh #demambola

I have a feeling many are underestimating worldcup viewers. Tengok bola, makan bola, tidur bola- minum coca cola!!!! Ingat that advert? 😁😁😁

Its time to bring back glory to our sports! If not, RTM standard la ok. Hopefully more international screenings. Bring in more satellite tv options for healthy competition. Katakan tidak kepada monopoly! Pffft.

Lastly, goooooo GERMANY!!!!! Blietzkrieg! 🇩🇪

Kotak oren

Khabar angin menyatakan 284 kotak birkin dan hermes tu kotak kosong. Yea la, mentang2 kiteorang boleh je collect kotak kosong oren sesuka hati, pengemis pon boleh je jumpe kotak kosong oren dekat tempat buang sampah bile2 mase. Badak air yang mempunyai beratusan kotak oren bukan calang2 binatang ye sis. #luarbiasa #collectkotakbirkinsmacamcollectstamps #menyampah #meluat #lucahwtf #silameninggal

Sejahtera Malaysia

Entry 11/5/18

Salam Harapan dan selamat pagi anak-anak Malaysia. Tanahair kita diberi gelaran Malaysia Baru pada detik bersejarah yang dicipta oleh our “Bapa of All Comebacks”! Beliau telah pulang dari cuti yang sekian lama. Walaupun riak wajah beliau uang berumur 92 tahun terukir garisan kedutan yang kelihatan letih, terbukti otak fikiran beliau masih liat bergeliga dengan jawapan sarcastik dalam persidangan media semalam!!! #madrespek #freestyle #apanama #malaysiabaru

The air feels fresher.
Even my morning yongtaufu tastes better.
The feeling of liberation is real.
The sense of pride i carry today as a Malaysian cannot be bought with money.
Im driving around with a plastered smile on my face.
The aunties in pasar pagi seated two tables away has mentioned the word “anak malaysia” few times.
Our lagu kebangsaan, sejahtera malaysia, demi negara, standing in the eyes of the world bring back a strong palpable emotions which was suppressed gradually that went into hiding past 15years.

I hope our new government can set a new benchmark to the new opposition for them to fight back in 5years time.

Because when there is healthy competition in a political setting and system, only then the Rakyat will benefit.

We do not want another 60 years of PH because that will mean conformity to evils’ invitation and comfort zone.

What a time to be alive!

Sincerely,
Anak Malaysia 🙂 #stillfeelingsurreal #silentlyhummingdeminegarasinceiwokeup

Sejarah tercipta

Salam Harapan,

Sejarah tercipta di saat ini.
Peristiwa 9hb Mei 2018 telah menggantikan 13hb Mei 1969.
Justice has been restored.
Gst has been abolished.
We got back a respectable FLOM. 🙂

#harapanbaru #malaysiabaru #inikalilah #salamreformasi

Historical

Do you feel like you are a Malaysian today for the first time? After 60years of kemererdekaan, today marks its historical spot just like 31st August 1957. Whereby Malaysian unite! Rakyat Bangkit! Power is within the people! #inikalimemangsudahconfirm #1mdb #atlantuya #teohbenghock #hussainnajadi #kevinmorais RIP soon!

Suspense

Tonight, if we were to throwback 70yrs ago during our grandparents/greatparents era. They would have had almost the same feeling as the majority of us who are feeling currently right at this very moment. 50-50 would have felt when would japanese occupation end. Or most would had the little most hope which is so bleak that no sunrise will ever be seen, eating ubi kayu for the rest of their lives like staple food or sprinting into underground shelter when the bomb siren berkumandang on air. Then, merdeka happened. They were freed from the evil zaman kuku besi. Tomorrow, i hope we all will be emancipated, from our version of zaman kuku besi. #sejarahberulanglagi #merdeka #harapan #saynotobeend #harapan #tunm #dsai

Balance?

Who says you need to travel across globe to find inspiration?
Who says you need to physically experience the breath of another breeze, literally hearing the cackles of another cultures and walk the earth of another country to locate yourself and find the definition of life?

I just felt that swell of excitement and the glow of happiness from within just by being home. Sitting or rather couch potato-ing in front of my new found love => Toshiba flat screen TV which serves the purpose of a mini cinema for movies i've missed. Finding out about the USB port built into it is probably the brilliant most thing ever invented.

2 hours and 15minutes, sitting right there in my hall, sipping my favourite earl grey tea fixed in one of my mum's cup collection i rummaged from her precisely arranged "cup" shelves... Haha. With a lot of in between toilet visits which was a few hops away.

Eat, Pray, Love.
I know, i know, i am slow... Like superbly slow to finally watch it.

But today seems like the right weather and the rightest moment to go through this movie.
Why?

Because it taught me quite a bit about life... Because it made me reflect a lot about what has happened to me and my so called poorly extricated decisions i made in the past. And as usual, dreamers like me LOVE relating characters from movies/series/story books to my narcissistic self. =)
And the best part is, it makes me want to blog today!

Came across a few wisdom words in the movies.
I am a sucker for quotes. T.T

Anyways, this movie is about an achiever woman who has everything is life except coming into terms with herself. Balance as she calls it. So setting of to 3 different parts of the continents, she finally located that missing pieces within her but only to realise she might be losing it again to this scary intangible invisible feeling called love. Oh well, i guess everyone must have gone through this phase of life. Me included.

I always thought something was obviously very wrong with me... How can you just let go so much just for something you found just a few months ago and also for a future you are not certain of?

Here are the answers:

"Sometimes to lose balance for love is part of living balance in life..."

"Everybody needs affection, it makes you do funny things. Especially at the beginning of any love affair, you want too much of happiness and pleasure until you fall sick, and everybody lose themselves..."

It is indeed scary and fearful but you know you have never felt this good before being with another person. And you do not need complex bombastic words to describe these feelings. Only that ONE automatic smile to know the IT feeling.

And for that i dedicate this entree for you sweetheart.
Everything can be falling apart but as long as the bond that hold both you and me together does not break, i am sure this is just another passing phase. *denial mode onz* hehe.  

Only Love,
Serenity... 

growing up isn't a just mere statement you type on fb for the world to see... 
Today it hits me so hard that it is the unexplainable, unpredictable and unimaginable horror gut feeling that makes your heart aches and mind goes light headed...
Only to realise you have done the undoable things and wished you have tapped on a different button of options in that few particular moments of life...

I might be in denial...
What if everyone is right?
I am only going against all odds believing someone who doesn't believe in me...
It pains me to accept not just being away on crucial dates and celebrations of the year, but now it pains me more to know the truth... But i'd always opt for the truth. It makes me stronger.

I get a pang of jealousy looking at how successful everyone is doing...
All i wanted was someone to love me back like how i love that person...
Is that such a difficult request to be fulfilled?
I guess it is...
And it very much still involves karma...
Only difference, it was directed at me without filter.

And no, i don't ever want to be with someone who thinks there is someone better out there.
Because i have been there and done that. I put someone through that ache i can never ever forgive myself.
Well, i will be the better person, and not allow the other person to walk through that sinful path and also not to allow myself to go through such aches.
Afterall i am the weaker one, because right now, i love more...

"Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy -- because we will always want to have something else or something more."


NOTED. 

From Wifey...

What-if person

by Mel Kuan on Sunday, August 21, 2011 at 7:55pm

"Everybody has a what-if person. It's the boy you turned down when you're nineteen, thinking you could do better than a used Ford car and an Art Diploma. It's the married blonde colleague who sits in the next cubicle and with whom you push the job deadline with. It's the one person who haunts you with thoughts and ideas of how your life could otherwise be. What if.

Surprisingly our brains are wired to think that what-if is a safe and happy zone where rainbows sprout and unicorns fly. It's the unattainable greener side of the fence. And perhaps because it can only exist in the subconscious which makes it all the more desirable, especially at moments when reality is riding hard on you.

The what-if person is mysterious and magical. He/she has the power to evoke such emotions in you that make you want to create a time machine to time travel back to that precise moment which could have turned your whole life around. Maybe it's that minute eons ago when you were fidgeting nervously in the car, deciding on the perfect time to lean in for a kiss, yet when you mustered enough courage, he/she has closed the door on you. Or maybe it's the time when your eyes met and you knew it's the perfect moment to utter the words you've been dying to spill forth but you held back because of pride. These are the people that become your what-if person. What if you had seized the moment and seized that person?

I used to have a what-if person that tortured my soul and gave me no peace of mind. I dwelled in that what-if world so long, wandering alone through upheavals of emotions that knew no boundaries.Perhaps it's a real lack of courage on my part to fight for it but now I believe it's just not to be. The what-if world shouldn't materialise. I'm glad mine didn't.

The only source fueling the existence of that tangible what-if person is discontentment in your day-to-day life. It's really not the what-if person who's tormenting you, it's the person whom you accomodate at your dinner table reluctantly every night and the person whose texts you felt cumbersome to even reply. That is the being who make your what-if person into a delicious fantasy.

Defining Love is beyond me. However I think when your what-if person has completely retreated from your head and you're glad holding a particular someone's hand at this moment on your side of the fence, you couldn't be that far from the shores of love.  

For us, without our what-if persons.

Happy birthday wifey!"