as i see him marched off, heading to his last battle, i just cant help feeling that agony arising from the bottom of my heart up...
and slowly, a miniature bag of tears were formed threatening to summon more of their own kinds...

i am as totally exhausted as he is. maybe a little lesser.
it wasn't a smooth 3 weeks for both of us.
i have been denying the truth that we are not going to be spending time like how we used to do so for the past 6 months...

loneliness... for a year, i am dreading
back to independence. everything isn't going to be the same anymore...
i am so used to wake him up when i can't find my bike key early in the morning
he wakes up every morning to kiss me goodbye no matter how sleepy headed he feels
coming back home from the tiring postings each day, he would joyfully awaits me with him standing on the doorway when he hears my scooter puffing a distance away
and i am going to miss the way he holds my hand warmly and hug me to sleep every night

i wished things were different. i wish...

i love you my dearest and i will miss you...

tonight, my heart speaks...

I have known this for as long as i was no longer a loner that walks this planet earth...

But I have never felt it as much as i do today...

Because, my entire life evolve around my other half...
my schedule cannot be extended or altered much because i plan everything with him in it...

I am not complaining...
I just regret i do it only one way...

Tonight.., i cannot even think of anyone i can even ring up or invite to dine with me.
Just because i don't have such friends anymore
Just because i made him my only friend, my only soul mate
Just because longer am comfortable with anyone else
Just because i will be awkward with others
Just because everyone else has walked their path...
Just because there isn't such thing call a best/good friend
Just because experience hasn't brought me till today...
I am truly upset but i can only tear inside...

or maybe...
maybe just because i am reluctant to ask
Because i am too egoistic...

I no longer is capable of keeping up with the word "friendship"

i wish i was back home in malaysia...
i can call people close to my heart, if i still have them...
i dont know why but i somehow miss vjay...maybe he can relate to me?
sigh...