Sometimes I really wonder, am I ever matured enough to make such decisions... It is this kind of hour of the day that started me thinking and wondering a lot...

I've got so many things swimming in my thoughts, my head contains such immense theory about life, about perspectives, about you and me... And I fail to reproduce those in beautiful, precise words to accentuate the effect... Im envious of author, of people to can write so beautifully... of people who can speak to express themselves... People who can lay them out in layers and layers of paragraphs, sentences just like how an architect manages with the blue print of a magnificent building.

I am not exactly incompetent, just a little bit inexpressive...

Did I make the right choice... Whenever I have a minute or two for him to visit me, I feel guilty a little bit more. Guilty to face my future in a few years time. Guilty that I do not meet the expectations of myself in 5 years time. Guilty that I have let go of one big catch back into the ocean. I know I didn't kill him, but I know I have injured him... Deep enough to make him endure in the pool of salt water... A cut which doesn't heal from the time elapse but only to be buried by new events from time to time...

When I finally found someone, infact two of them, both who love me more then I can ever love 'him' but I choose to let 'him' go... And resort back to taking risk. To fall out of love with him and rearrange an opportunity for someone else. A stranger that I have no confident in. A man who doesn't even know me... A guy who does nothing but gives me false hope... For I strangely believe that the 'him' is not the right person yet and the new he might be the right one...

The folks, each and every one of them especially both my mummies tells me not to worry. That special someone, the right man will eventually come along. Just have faith. But faith in who? Myself? I hardly can trust myself nowadays... I'm afraid to wait anymore. Also I'm afraid to find that person. Because I will never know what lies beyond those veil of doubts.

Yet I hope. I wait. I can wait. I have realized that I can sacrifice anything if I want to. I know I am waiting already. He doesn't have to tell me. Either I'm waiting for the arrival of becoming his or I am waiting for the day he breaks my heart into dust...The principle is so simple. To take a risk and to be different and outstand my previous shadow or to take a risk and fall even harder...

I watch the sky painted across with sprinkles of stars, but they are all looking at me only from so far... She couldn't catch them to feel them but she can casually point any spot in the black space and hit a few of them.
True enough, things when seen are more beautiful. Things far are very precious. And those are what we crave for... to want to own. But, they are always far from within our reach. We only can dream. And make another story out of those dreams….

i still need someone who can write...
to write about the beautiful dreams...

Star Struck!

Star Struck!

It is so upsetting to actually absorb the fact that im actually saying goodbye to malaysia next week. NEXT SUNDAY! Its next... sun...day.... and will be reaching the insanity struck asylum-dearest pathetic manipal...

Im going to be leaving my primary family, secondary family, my frens, food, clothes, heels, shopping malls, mamak, clubs, roads, car, room, secret recipe, starbucks.... and most IMPORTANTLY--- all THE random EYE candies hidden at every corner of malaysia specifically kuala lumpur...

talking about which, my luck was really fucking good! YES! its FUCKING GOOD! Like "durian runtuh" Saw that actor who acted in Homecoming shooting video in One Utama today. Gosh... *Droolsss a bucket!*

Hes tall, hes fair, hes innocent looking, hes gorgeous, hes famous, hes CUTE! hes everything a girl like me wants! and hes a chinese? LOLZ.
Then before heading towards teh carpark. My dear sis and I strolled past four guys after hjaving a fit in one of the cheapest selling tops and collest shop ever fitting room for one hour!! Anywayz, 3 of dem on the bench and one standing. All of them were ok looking. Poor shereen was talking to herself once my attention shifted to them. Damn. All of dem were looking at us--- specifically me according to bebe. I was too shy to turn at their direction. HAHA! and one of them gave off a faint whistle. *beams my crown off* well, of coz i was stunning with my short black mini skirt and favourite yellow sequined top. Thank goodness i dressed to kill. Muahaha!

Ive not being flattered for such for such a long long long long long long time... Deprived from cute guys and also their attention all the while in manipal. Huhuhuhuhuhu T.T

And there was another one in Poppy garden! Another cute hunk. Oh no! im gonna get hawtie attack disease soon! Man... just call me a vain la but i think he was checking me and wifey out! WEHEEEE!!!!

THEY ARE JUZ SIMPLY CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE! and delicious!!!! can i eat them?

according to ezy, got freaking lotsa cute gurls from bacth 19 and batch 18 had gone cuckoo! So, im expecting VUTE HUNKS TOOO!!!!! i dun care if they are a freak or nerd or bookworm. I dun give two shits!!! as long as i get to satisfy my need! >.<

Random sial spells

Unfathomable

I was in mix emotions of excitement and dejection upon returning to the Penisula... Partially I was to be blame for letting things to happen this way again... But mostly, the fault doesnt seem to side me.
Bahh!

A night with the koreans, an afternoon with the mexicans (oh, i was barely tongue tied staring before a neatly compiled menu with names of cuisine i could hardly pronounce... hehehe... ) , and finally the morning of arrival after a journey of a frequent turbulence about miles and miles away from sea level. Swaying even to just walk to 5 seats away, i was bobbing up and down along with my guts and the MAS meal i had earlier just to answer the call of nature... And everytime im in the small but cosy cubical, i cant help but think what if the huge machine sudenly dive down due to breakdown in on of the engines and i ended up dead with the most unfashionable style. I mean common lar, panties halfway down the thigh and having the porcelain bowl slicing and penetrating through the glutues maximus,medius and minimus while one limb landed 50 yards away and another one in between a coconut tree!!! Haha, imgination gone wild due to autonomic nervous breakdown??

Any-fucking-way, guess i must have accquired mild throbbing on my forehead in result of that, apart from the fact that i was awake thanks to my for-once-so enthusiasm in reading each and every articles on the Star newspaper- SPDS : Star Paper Deprivation Syndrome.

Tension always mount upon each other like layers and layers of the Extravaganva Maharaja Hamburger serve somewhere in a 6 star hotel in Bangalore named-Leela Palace whenever I sense something uneasy. It could only mean paranoia actually but i choose to dwell within the realm of emotions and mind game...
Thats what i do best afterall.

Seeing daddy was yet another relief after the relief I felt when the huge bird machine touched the ground. Finally i reached home... Ultimatum relief ler...

Will i stumble upon bad incidents...? Or will i have to scruntinize people around me having to go through what seems like one of the most difficult task by far in the purpose to serve their life?

I wish i had the answer within my reach...