"Welcome back owner! It has been eons of seconds..."
it is pretty late...
ever since Karkala posting ended, I stopped living healthy (eat and sleep wise)
tonight is another one of those late nights...
as i was flipping through albums searching for an appropriate Malay song i can sing in Lagenda (an event huge enough to come up next to Utsav) , anywayz i stubbled upon a video...
A video that stores endless memories...
A video that is capable to make my tears come rolling
A video only 4 minutes, but enough to transport me back to those moments.
A moment long lost in the labyrinth of new events...
My chest used to swell tight with hope and dream to sing!
Sing other than in the bathroom cubicle. Stand on a bright spot-lit stage. Soar along with cheers and shouts from the audience. But it never came until...
Until one summer in 2005...
I never perform a song before in my entire life be it birthday functions or wedding dinner. Neither have i took part in any singing competitions. But i knew that deep within me, the vocal system was earnest to let loose, to let the whole world know what my vocal cord can achieve.
Yet i do not know what makes me gave my name to sing in such a huge event compared to my standard. I am even amaze now with my confidence then.
Now, comes the part which inflict the emotions in me tonight...
Along with a positive changes within me, the video is also embedded with my first ever love that finally withered, my first ever friendship with a Chinese that bitterly fades off... (yeah yeah, i was an anene, i used to be swarmed by Indians, i talk, i act like them. It was a great time... well, thats another story of one of my glorious years. BTW I AM NOT RACIST DEI! )
The tension tug war of the rope snapped. It gave in to the tautness of two opposite views upon our life, decisions and principles. I guess it was nobody's wish. I still sit back sometimes and reflect upon our friendship. How it used to be, how many silly lil fights we got into, how we crawled outta a war field, how one night at Mc D can set to rays of new beginning (i cant help it but be proud to have such story that can be told to my children next time, cheesy yet real). And how for others, an abrupt turn took place again leading us into adventure that brings our distance further away...
However, we are both settled, happy and probably near contended with how our lives had brought us through the thick mist of uncertainty. I just hope that one day we can sit under a durian tree and shoot dramatic speeches at each other again, then laugh our bare gums off into the horizon. Hehe, I still love you...
Plus she always tell me that she never believe in eternity goodbyes.
"Love is blind"
Oh yeah, I am referring to the girlfriend and boyfriend love. Not the family, friends, pets, gadgets, food kinda love!
Now that I am standing within the radius of love-dovey boundaries, do i still look at the phrase the same way as i used to 2 years back?
I guess not. For i believe strongly and CAN SHOUT CONFIDENTALLY that there is someone meant for us! If he hasn't arrived, WAIT! FUCKING WAIT till he comes and blind you with his shining armor! Be it his armor is used to hide his fugly appearance or to protect him from his pussy-fying attitude. JUST WAIT!
OMIGOSH! It does happen. You don't just love someone without the first impression especially look. Then slowly, attitude, similarities, interests and desires will set in to burn the flickering fire of love ALIVE. And lets be truthful, u cant be so blind to accept someone outta your league ok!? So love ain't blind. WTF WTF WTF!
However much i detested people telling me that the right man will find you when the right time comes, I used to NOT bother about the assurance everyone seems to have with my love life and my prince charming when it is MY love life and prince charming to start with. And i alwayz alwayz alwayz put a deaf ear to the Ya-da ya-da ya-da.
Apparently and miraculously, they are right afterall. Thhfff~
So i would like to thank this particular someone who allowed me to think out of the box achieving another milestone in life. Let's call him ermm... Mushie? He ended the curse that held me from the noun, verb and proverb of relationship. It was short but nevertheless sweet. That is to fall in love and go dating while holding hands.
Nah, i'm not talking about jimmy bear. =P (Bibit dun be jealous k? Ling still sayang u~~~)
In a nutshell, tonight's entry is utterly and purely random. Good night.
Dr. Sexy Tan
(3am)
