Who is that Hot Stuff?

a spit of comments.
a groan of aches.
a moment to confuse.
a reason to fight.
a tear to trickle.
an antidote to laugh.
a lameness to feed on.

Its all in here!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Emancipation...


"feel the progress of melody instead of listening to the flow of the song..."
that is trance...

have you ever feel like you were soaring?
feel that you are being surrounded by cold, chilly and still air...
however you don't feel like you are freezing...
instead you feel the warmth inside out...

i have only lived it once...
it was 3 years ago, when i was heading up the mountain of Shimla sitting with zero distance away from that very person...

whom i fight with endlessly everyday for every single thing
whom i watch before i sleep every night and wake up every morning
whom i cried to without feeling silly and dumb

he...
who loves me without knowing the boundaries of affections
who made me realize how greed will not only make me lose him but eventually lose myself...
who accepts me for who i am
who expects the least out of someone like me who is full of attitudes
who ultimately walks me through and out of the hardships of my life...

and he was also the person who held my hand, made me flushed as red as a ripen tomato and felt so hot in that negative degree Celsius, 3 years back...

he is still the person who holds my hand till this very moment, 3 years later
never thinking of letting it go...

how could i even lose my grips?
i must have been sick in the head...
very very sick...
i am glad i have untangled one huge mess within myself yesterday...
i have successfully release that burden which has been snowballing since the day expectations took over me...

little did i realize i have been shutting myself away from the world
little did i know i have stopped listening to friends around me...
little did i know i chose to walk alone and away from everyone else (him and all my close friends included...)
and i left no space for improvements
i turned ugly and full of scars...
i kept suppressing all the unhappiness in me subconsiously
gradually everything got compressed into a big chunk of heavy unmanageable feelings...
i almost got swallowed along into the nothingness, the unknown realm...

i have only two person to thank...
and i dont know how else to do so...
hence by dedicating this post to the both of you,
i hope i can convey my feelings...

to wifey and bii...
thanks for always being there.
near or far.
it means the world to me...

now that i finally come to term with myself...
i have never felt this peaceful for the longest time...

with love,
Sulin... (10:48am)

p/s: at the beginning of the post, i mentioned that i experienced that soaring feeling only once?
Today i felt it again... Priceless. =)

Monday, April 12, 2010

in the realm of emptiness...

The darkness along with the silence that surround him inside out...
He must have be really scared...
I cannot imagine how his world is like at the moment...

he used to be able to see from his right eye...
the only means of communication between him and the world...
now,
even that has been taken away from him...

i wish i could do something to help him ease this suffering...
looking at him from a few inches away...
i feel so crushed...
tears were balancing at the edges and corner of my eyes...
but i held it back
i want to be strong at least for him
i dont want my brothers to start crying too...

this is the same feelings i experienced 7 years back
when i was camping outside the CCU
hoping and praying for mama's recovery...
battling with the stages of possibility of losing someone dear...
now it is happening again...

these might be the last few moments i could spend with him...
he is struggling...
in pain, in fear,
he is probably waiting for daddy to come back from oversea...
he is fighting against his fate maybe...

why do people have to die...?

mama...
please take care of yeh yeh...
he needs the strength and consolation...