A token of Thanks~

A TOKEN of THANKS~


After such long goodbye I waved to my dearest person... Today of all days, he returned into the picture. (Literally and figuratively...) Err... Hitting me quite hard actually... Knowing that I have to study for my SDL evaluation tomorrow followed by Anatomy shits..., I procrastinate to recopy and to arrange those mementos I had in isolated cds.

I knew it! At one furthest corner of my mind…the trail he left in my life is still roaming about, restlessly... However, due to the amount of depression, predicaments and Semi self-destruction I had to bear in this medical war-land, the impact was cushioned... Inadvertently forgotten or temporarily hibernating...is yet to be defined. Those were the days... Hoho~ I actually miss those syndromes for the common incurable disease! L-O-V-E or C-R-U-S-H (doesn't matter which is what...) Girls, you sure know what I mean. T.T Can Man-Nipple be any worse? *sigh*

*faint smile*

Radeiio~ I've gone through quite a lot. Experiences that should last me a year of meditation and hopefully I can manage a low profile. Let me analyze... let me tell apart the black from the white... Because basically, I have been intertwined within the reality, beliefs and frauds.. Too overwhelmed by the adaptation I am being forced into accepting. I was in a mess. Still in the recuperating process. Taming wild flapping of setbacks, and washing off the muddy appearance of myself. Like I said, I was being absorbed into a hurricane I wasn't even prepared for.

But thanks to my friends for making me believe, there is always a Silver Lining In each solemn and somber cloud. Thank You Dailou and Wifey...


24th January 2006 (00.15)

!watever_shithole.man-nipleissucky.fuckoff!

!watever_shithole.man-nipleissucky.fuckoff!

Least 10 reasons India sux! (yeah right! *eyes rolling* my foot!)

1. Cause MAN-NIPPLE (manipal) sux BIG BIG BIG FAT THICK time!
2. Freaking fucking indians are damn con-men and con-women! CHEATOR! FREAKING gonna receive A RM3000 internet bill! It seems I used 13 gigs for the last month! Ive been conned into using a normal internet conection when they freaking name their service "BROADBAND!"
3. I have been forcefully transformed into a nerd. I GOTTA FREAKING get a specs when i get back to Malaysia! There goes my lifetime guarantee-eye sight....
4. Studies=Commit Suicide! In the process I lost myself eventhough im still alive... At least i survived... Thufff~
5. Mug! MUG! M..U..G! Nothing ever stays in the head! DAMN IT! Fish memory I've got! Cow brain I own! *VOMIT BLOOD+GUTS+Interstitial fluid+ICF+ECF* WTF!WTF!!!
6. No "suet cha"! T.T
7. Alcohol either too diluted or too strong. Might just got knocked out before taking a sip! Who need chloroform now? FARK!
8. No Kenari! I MISS MY CAR!!! Vroomm~ VROOOMMMM~ Gotta walk everywhere... under the hot burning sun somemore!
9. Any kind of connections are lousy-internet, mobile reception&coverage, even human! ANENE! "you wanna fuck me, NO?" "yesterday u shagged me, NOoo??!!" "INDIANS/TEMPE/RI U ARE FRAKING DUMB AND SUCH ASSHOLES, NOOOOOOO????" ends every sentence with a NO?!
10. Cause it is India by itself, situated in South Asia (20°00'N 77°00' E) in which rearing its Longest river of Ganges-Brahmaputra and its Largest lake of Chilka Lake. (who gives a damn man!?) And it takes forever to reach this depressing piece of land from Negaraku yang tercinta! Wua..wua..wua... Sure I wil cry big time when it is the time for me to come back here for my next half a year...! SOMEBODY RESCUE ME!

Last but not the least!
INDIA and INDIANS MADE ME INCREASE MY MAGNITUDE OF CURSING to 1oo FOLDS!!!
"..... sebab tu lah india SEDUT!.... WTH~!...."

Dr.UNsexy Tan In India undergoing NeuroFURRY!
-2.54am-

Shittiest hole---> Manipal~

I WANNA GO WORK IN MPPP or MPPPJ or DBKL! VACANCIES PLEASE!?

i GIVE UP! I GIVE UP! wats the point of studyin so much and yet it makes no difference? guess its a wrong way afterall...

aint a doctor material lar.... i aint...

-adios... sayonara...-

prolly will study last minute~ alwayz work! dun have to stress myself. =)

Significance...

Significance...

You know... I know... we know... nothing stays stagnant....
I have changed...The way Ispeak, I think, I behave...
But to the better or worse... could i tell not...

Experiences have brought me to where I am standing today...

Most of the time, I am filled with the "WHYs"... Most of the time I am confined in the sorrowful incomprehensible human theories - rules of life and the social circle in my vicinity. At the same time, digesting a few facts about myself (obviously those arent compliments). Talk about being in denial... thuffff...

Realisation of my changes:

1. Harry Potter, Da Vinci Code, Shopaholic Series hit the bookstore in Malaysia like whirlwind before i made my way here. The hype of ardent readers and fiction frenzee strongly resembles life in India of a medic student. But here we call them freaky-fucking-nutto-nerds!

Only difference is we are mad over academics-based books and they are freaking expensive. Spending my rupees in the one and only acredited bookstore with appropriate books (sadly but truly... time spent with books are way beyond the amount of time I was able to walk in shopping malls those days) For some strange reason, I have started reading Anatomy like a storybook for the past 2 weeks. I almost ran out of idea in finding ways to hang on to gross anatomy and sometimes embryology. Seriously, i aint feeling proud but i am thankful that my major worries are settled. Full appreciation to all the nerds for trasforming me.

2. Stuttering when speaking. Nervous? Fidgetty? Undeniably, I have been having difficulties with my command of English since 7 years back. Its not improving currently while deteriorating at the same time... Well, I might be able to write but when it comes to speaking, somehow my throat turns dry, tongue twisting (probably, it is an indication for me to practise tongue-twister everyday), brain spinning faster then "gasing" followed by a whole stretch of grammatical error sentences projected out of my voice box... Aiseh...

3. Being a more reserved person... Dwelling within the war of heart and brain. Screening the possibilities of success or failure if I were to feel or stick to realistic of thoughts... *double sigh..*

4. -Thinking... Pondering... Reflecting... Reflectioning- Establishing and compiling the 1986-2005 mental yearbook of Me, Myself and Mylife. Adding definitions of life and terms subjected to sulin's emos events. Oh yeah, not forgetting analyzing and comparing the significance of similarities of the yesteryears and the future. *smiling stupidly at my own reflection...*

5. Excessively and extensively thinking about grandma... The last sentence she managed to say that night to me before lying helplessly on the white mattress 2 days after, accompanied by everyone's tears and alienated looking machine... and finally her departure... has been ringing in my ears very frequently...

" I will not be able to see u grow as a doctor... I will not be able to let u experiment on me... do study hard..." it was so harmless... the usual way she loved joking about death....

Little did i know... that was the last time she could speak to me... The deep gaze she gave me is imprinted and embedded in a memory i shall never forget... A gift from her I will bring to my grave...

Watching her lying motionlessly with tears streaming down was too much for me to observe...and everytime the number on the blood pressure machine fluctuated, my hearbeat stopped a few seconds.... I am sure she knew then that she has to go when she came to me (her one and only notorius and rebellious granddaughter)... giving me the silent stealth signal.... I wish I had treated her nicer and was a better granddaughter when she was alive... Now that she is gone... no one is going to defend me when daddy points his ten fingers at me... no one is gonna tease me like how she used to......
.....
........
..........
I am special... I have experienced death of somone dear to my heart....
I love u mama..., and I really really miss u.... *stone*
..........
........
..... I have made an unwritten promise.... and I am determine to make it happen! I am going to make u proud, mama....

Fusion of brand new and rusty old meaning of life... I have changed. The world stays... I want to tell myself that I have moved forward... Afterall it is words consolation...

Eruption

-Eruption-


DAMN SIEN LA!!!!!!

I am very screwed in my studies. Hopefully im not too late in picking up whatever I had dropped one and a half month back.

Almost failed my Anatomy and Biochemistry class tests! All thanks to myself. Pandai pandai wanna "chui pui tia.." Damn it... Better recompose myself and get my priority sorted! It is new year afterall...

Screw love! Screw any kind of relationship! And cheers to forthcoming and everlasting singlehood! Im proud i am still a single lingham!

Damn all those nerds! Or dat particular nerd! ARGHHHH!!!!! Once again... i am telling u I DISLIKE U! want me to upgrade you to "I LOATHE U, I WANNA PUKE WHEN I LOOK AT UR FACE" status????

Neurofurry @ Dr. Nerdy Tan